


Hexside School of Prayers and Miracles

by Thisisathrowawayaccount



Series: Miracles AU [2]
Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:21:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 72,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24761482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thisisathrowawayaccount/pseuds/Thisisathrowawayaccount
Summary: This is the worst AU for this series ever. Inspired by Hogwarts School of Prayers and Miracles.
Series: Miracles AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1904023
Comments: 18
Kudos: 21





	1. AU Notes

The terrible, terrible AU for which shame plagues me still

So, the entire concept is: what if Hogwarts School of Prayers and Miracles, but for the Owl House. This means every hint of magic is replaced with Christian ideology- spells are replaced with miracles and like. I thought this would be a stupidly fun challenge; I wanted to see if I could bend the Owl House’s worldbuilding and narrative to fit that ridiculous premise (and maybe appease all the Christian moms who were up in arms about the show). So, here we are! I’d love feedback on any and every thing. Or you could scream, “Oh God! Please stop!” in the comments below- either works. Also, I may or may not quote that fan work within this because it has some amazing lines. Go read it if you want; it’s on Fanfiction.net and is humorously bad.

(By the by, I am not Christian, so I’ll mostly be taking the piss out of the concept while also sincerely attempting to write a decent story. Essentially, I just thought it’d be funny to replace every time a character said witch on the show with Christian- ex: “That’s why people call you ‘Half-a-Christian Willow’” or “You and your pet are giving Christians-in-training a bad name.” Utterly surreal, I love it.)

I wanted to post some worldbuilding notes before I actually wrote the story in hopes of getting feedback. Just because I think one adaptation is good, doesn’t mean it’s the best option for the narrative, so again, feedback is appreciated.

Instead of the Boiling Isles, we have the Boiling Valley, a literal purgatory where people are able to perform miracles because they are closer to God or something. In the valley, people pray to God to do “magic.” What distinguishes these good Christians from Luz has yet to be determined (I’m thinking it has to do with communion, like if Luz never had her first communion, she’s not a true Christian. IDK). Other features of the valley: a boiling pit where from demons can arise; the Knee, a mountain where one can “commune with God;” and Hexside (I’m keeping the names of everything for the most part). 

On Hexside, they still have tracts, and these tracts correspond to the magical ones in the show, but they function more like Christian denominations than anything else. Well, not specific denominations but certain beliefs that non-denominational Christians can hold. You’ll get it once I get into them. The abomination tract are people who believe in guardian angels (guardian angels can function like abomination by complying to their keeper’s will). The illusion tract are people who pick and choose bible quotes to fit their needs (the wiliest of them all- they say whatever they need to benefit from the situation they are presented with). Bard track is Christian rock pop church nonsense that I unabashedly stan. Potions is Catholicism I guess because all the fluids of superstition like holy water and Eucharist, I don’t know, help me. The plant tract holds the belief that God gave us dominion over the earth therefore we must protect it (these people are also super into essential oils). Beast keepers believe all dogs go to heaven and that creatures have souls and sentience (which puts them in conflict with plant people who are more interested in subjugating animals).Oracle is the seventh day Adventist’s type where they believe Jesus is coming back soon, and he will end the world. They enjoy divining meaning from the most innocuous of things. Construction tract is just missionaries. The healing tract act saints or Christian healers, but the ones that aren’t frauds. Or there should be a split of frauds and real ones depending on their faith and beliefs. I don’t know, the amount of detail necessary to the tracts depends on how deeply they are delved into in the show itself. Likewise, I’m not going to go into too much detail about covens, except for the Emperor’s Coven. The Emperor’s Coven is Sea Org. That’s it. 

As for the characters, Eda is an anti-theist; she thinks her curse is a punishment from God for not believing in him. Luz is a deist searching for the right faith; her mom is anti-religious and really concerned about Luz falling in with the bad Christian crowd. King is a disillusioned putto (believing himself to be a cherub) that lives with Eda. He can make jokes about cupid/bow and arrows, and talk about how as a cherub, he’s an omnipotent, but he won’t smite you out of kindness. The character that gets the most overhaul is Owlbert (and Hooty); instead of being a satanic familiar /j, he is an angel (but because there’s like ten different types of angels, he’s somewhat different than a guardian angel or a cherub. He’s specifically a messenger angel). His name is going to be Artyael , Art for short, because that’s a legit angel, and there’s some symbolism to him. He can still be placed on a staff, but the staff is a crosier. I literally don’t know what to do with Hooty. The best I have is this weird dialogue that I wrote while tired: “Oh him [Hooty]?” Eda says, jerking a thumb toward the face on the door. “Yeah, they used to keep all those unbaptized babies here, but policy changes and miscommunications yada yada, he’s a house! He can talk! Try to be nice to him cause nobody is.” “I thought you said he was a baby.” “Babies grow up, kid. You telling me humans figured out baby immortality?” “No, look I’m just so confused.” “And you’ll stay that way.” On a separate note, the student characters aren’t changing much for this AU. 

What else? All my other notes are about plot points for the episodes. I am going to be sticking somewhat close to the original episodes and their intentions because that’s the challenge of it, but I make no promises. I already know that I'm not going to write about Chosen Ones for episode two; no offense, it's a good episode with a good message, but the Luz I'm writing is more interested in making friends and emotional connections with other people as rather than being seen as special. 

On the note of God and referring to that concept, it’s going to vary from character to character. For example, Eda refers to God as a Him, but some won’t use a gender at all, or they may only talk about God as Jesus. I don’t know religion is complicated, and I’m trying to have fun with it. I never write about it in my works, so this is either going to be extremely sacrilegious or pleasant and nuanced. We’ll see.


	2. Chapter One: The Voyage of Drawn Reader

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stuck closer to the original plot of the episode than I was hoping to. Maybe as I keep writing, I'll get more comfortable adding wackier details and concepts. For now, I guess tell me if my prose is boring or something because I'm testing out a more omniscient perspective. Thanks for stopping by. (Also the Spanish was italicized but I don't know what happened, hopefully I'll figure it out for the next chapter).

“’And Judith stood before the bed praying with tears, and the motion of her lips in silence, saying, ‘Strengthen me, O Lord God of Israel, and in this hour look on the works of my hands, that as thou promised, thou mayst raise up Jerusalem thy city. And that I may bring to pass that which I have purposed, having a belief that it might be done by thee.’ 

“And when she had said this, she went to the pillar that was at his bed’s head and loosed his sword that hung tied upon it. And when she had drawn it out, she took him but the hair of his head, and said, ‘Strengthen me, O Lord God, at this hour.’ And she struck twice upon his neck-” 

“I’m sorry. What is this for?” 

Luz froze. Her recreation of the scene, one foot leveraged on the chair she was supposed to be sitting in and a hand wielding an aluminum foil sword over an invisible man’s neck, made less sense without context. “It’s the end of my book report. It’s the Book of Judith.” 

She looked at the principal sitting behind his desk, then her mother nearby. Their expressions weren’t reassuring. Her mother hugged Luz’s backpack tighter as the principal asked, “Do you know why you were called in here?” 

Falling back into her chair, Luz fiddled with the fraying edge of the sword. “I mean I got permission for the sword, so…” 

A piercing scream came from the hall alongside the clattering of running shoes. Luz saw through the narrow door window that someone had found her spare sword, the one she intended to use, but her teacher nixed because of its sturdier steel build. “Oh, that’s where my backup sword went,” she commented.

“And what were you planning to do with this?” 

Her mother pulled the severed head from her bag. Luz was quite proud of that head in all its papier-mâché and red paint glory, but she knew that wasn’t what her mother wanted to hear. She hung her head, admitting, “That was for the third act closer.” 

It was going to be a great closer too. She was going to hold the head up high, maybe add some fresh paint before trotting it around the room to the sound of her making trumpet noises with her mouth. That was how it went down in the Book of Judith. She got a parade and praise for her daring act. And look what Luz got. 

“Mija, I love your creativity, but it’s gotten out of hand. Do you remember why you were in the principal’s office the last three times?” 

Nodding along, Luz didn’t really want to recall. Apparently sausages and inner eyelids were traumatizing. No doubt the head would’ve been too if she had gotten the chance to spring it on her class. 

Her mother shoved the head back into her bag before getting up. Kneeling beside Luz, she placed a hand on her shoulder. “We all love that you express yourself, but if you can’t learn that there’s a time and place for these things, you may need to spend the summer here.” 

With that said, she presented Luz with a pamphlet. “Think Inside the Box Camp.” Her nose curled up at the sight of the contorted child smiling and giving a thumbs-up while trapped in a small box. “Don’t worry mom,” Luz said, crumpling the paper slightly as she clenched her hands. “I won’t let you down. I promise no more trouble.” 

The crack of shattering glass caused the trio to jump. Looking back, Luz spotted the spidering cracks spreading across the principal’s window. She’d bet her severed head that her other sword did it. Whipping her head around to her mother, she smiled tentatively. “That doesn’t count, right?” 

*****

Luz pouted in front of her house, laden by a backpack and expectations. She was waiting for some strange bus to take her off to some place hours away from home. And her mother didn’t seem to care. Well, she did, but not in the way that Luz hoped. 

Her mother smothered her in kisses and tried to tidy her hair as she rambled, “Oh my baby! Now don’t worry. Summer camp is only going to be for three months.” 

Not enough to feel regret. Luz stared at the ground, ignorant to her mother’s worried expression. “Why can’t I go to something closer? Like this,” Luz dug a folded up paper from her shorts’ pocket. “It’s just for a week, and-” 

Taking the paper, her mother gave it nothing more than a glance. Her forehead wrinkled. “Mija, this is a VBS camp. You know how I feel about you going to church.” 

She did. Keenly. It’d be a minefield to avoid getting her mother to go off on how she felt, but Luz pushed her luck. “Sí mamá, pero I could make friends there. Friends that actually go to my school unlike this camp.” 

“You don’t know that. Besides this camp has so many fun activities,” Her mother paused. “Well, I would say necessary, educational ones like balancing checkbooks, comprehensive news interpretation, taxes… the time will fly by!” 

“But I don’t like any of that stuff. I like editing anime clips to music and reading fantasy books with convoluted backstories. And what’s a better fantasy book than the Bible? Wait, I mean-” 

“Luz! You’re going to this camp. No more discussion about church or VBS. You’re going to a nice secular camp, and hey, if you make a Christian friend there, good for you, but you aren’t going to a church. Not after what happened with mí madre.” 

That was skirting closer to a landmine than Luz liked, so she immediately acquiesced. “Of course mom, no problem.” 

Spotting the trash can nearby, Luz made the definitive act of throwing away the pamphlet. Her mother gave her another kiss on the forehead before heading off to work. She kept talking even as she walked away, “Your bus is coming soon. Text me when you get there. Cuídate mucho, mija. ¡Qué te vaya bien!” 

“Bye mom.” 

Luz’s grandmother was a vehement Roman Catholic. When the doctors found cancer in her lungs, she said that God put it there to test her faith. “If God wanted me to survive this, he would’ve let me.” She refused recommended treatment, devoting her remaining time to praying and her family. The last time Luz got to see her abuelita was when a priest was reciting her last rites. Her mother hasn’t stepped foot in a church since the funeral. 

But Luz wasn’t like her grandmother. At least, she didn’t think she was. If she got sick, she wasn’t going to pray it away or bathe in essential oils. Doctors were there for a reason. As are priests and stuff. A lot of people believed in God, and so did she, so why was her mother making it a big deal? Just because Luz wanted to believe in a higher power didn’t mean she lost all her senses. 

When in turmoil, she turned to her most reliable source for advice: The Bible. Shrugging off her backpack, she dug it out. She felt its worn leather cover before opening and flipping through the pages. It was her grandmother’s before hers, so the wafer thin pages were marked with notes and some passages were underlined in faint blue ink. Somedays it made her feel like her grandmother was still with her, her guiding hand nudging her in the right direction. 

Shutting it, she held the book to her forehead. “God, give me a sign of what I should do.” 

She waited a second, giving God time to respond. Then she cracked open the Bible and her eyes fell on a verse. “’The eye that mocks a father, that scorns obedience to a mother, will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley, will be eaten by the vultures,’” she read aloud, her eyes widening. “Whoa mama, guess that settles that.” 

With God having spoken, she shut the book and sighed. The right decision was to listen to her mother. She glanced at the trash one last time. Only to find a being rifling through it. A squeaky scream escaped her lips before she processed what it was. An unbearably bright form, hardly humanoid, but it possessed hands. Ones that were gripping her VBS pamphlet. 

“Thief!” 

It held the paper close to its mass, separate from the bag slung over its implied shoulder, as it floated away. Luz watched it go, unsure what to do. It was slow, unbothered, absolutely ethereal. After a moment of hesitation, she followed it. Maybe this was her sign from God. Why would it take her pamphlet if it didn’t have something to show her? 

The being led her through the woods behind her house to a ramshackle house. Luz thought it was only standing by the grace of God. As if to affirm her wonderings, the thing went through the door. Luz was certain it was ghost as she opened the door to… 

Beyond the door wasn’t a house. Unless the front of the house was just that-a front. The room was more of a tent, like the ones Luz saw at festivals. Not unlike those tents, it was packed with boxes of stuff. At the far end, where fabric flaps segmented the room, was a new source of light; the other side of the house, Luz assumed. 

Luz stepped into the room as the being pushed past the flaps. She hurried across the stone floor needing to catch up before she lost sight of it. But froze when she heard a voice coming from where it disappeared. 

“Trash,” the voice said accompanied by a clang. “More trash. Junk.” 

Creeping forward on the balls of her feet, Luz tried to see what was going on. A woman with a cowl covering most of her features was rummaging through the bag the creature had carried. The creature stood beside her, waiting for something. 

“Ah yes!” she cheered, causing Luz to tense. “This will make me rich, and maybe cause a heart attack or two.” 

She pulled a ThunderCats figurine out of the bag, and Luz failed to see how some toy would fulfill the woman’s claims. The woman set the figure on a nearby table before turning to her beast. “What’ve you got in your hand?” 

The being offered her Luz’s pamphlet. She took one look at it before laughing. “Nice try, Artyael. I’m not even going to read this.” 

She promptly shoved the paper at its chest. Turned out the brightness that made the creature so hard to look at was the result of a white-hot fire. The paper caught flame within seconds, giving Luz the impetus to do something reckless. 

Diving out of the tent, she had a hand on the pamphlet before the fire could consume more than a corner. All the while, she was mumbling niceties, “Sorry to bother you, but that’s mine. I’ll go now thanks.” 

Luz was ran for the door, thinking about how she might’ve missed her bus and that she didn’t want to be implicated in any crimes that were happening here. 

“Hold on a second,” the woman called before barking, “Art!” 

Luz’s feet were no longer gaining traction on the ground as she found that she was being held aloft by her hoodie. Looking up, she gave the faceless creature carrying her a smile. “Yowza, you’re strong for a… whatever you are.” 

It walked Luz back to the woman, setting her on a stool. She brought her knees up to her chest as she leaned away from the woman. “What do you want with me? Are you mad?” Luz blinked. “Wait, why would you be mad? You’re the ones that took my stuff.” 

The woman held up a finger. “Not mad,” she replied with a widening grin. In the corner of her mouth, a golden fang shined. “Why be mad at a potential customer?” 

“What?” 

Luz looked beyond the weird woman to see the front table covered in things for sale. It was then she noticed that there was more to her surroundings than she previously thought. They weren’t in the back of some random cabin in the woods, and all the danger that implied; they were in the middle of a marketplace. 

What surrounded Luz was what she imagined the Bible looked like if it was also Suburbia from the 1980s. Everything was pristine, but overly simple. A heavy emphasis on stone and brick for buildings. The market stands were all open-faced and friendly. People in khakis and polos roamed the cobbled streets without worry of pickpockets or crime. 

Luz longed to leap from the stool and wander the area. But the woman before her wasn’t quite ready to let her mark go. “Can I interest you in this cat-man doll or this tiny beeping, box animal that’s dead, or perhaps this magic silver orb? It’ll let you see into the future.” 

Luz let out a laugh as the woman presented her a Fushigi. “It doesn’t tell the future. It’s for magic tricks. Illusions. Can I show you?” 

Holding out a hand, she was surprised that the woman complied. With the ball in her palm, Luz did the only trick she knew: to make the it “float” to the back of her hand. She did it without flubbing, earning a gasp from the woman. “Do it again.” 

Grinning, Luz moved it back to her palm and repeated the trick. She did it one more time before trying her luck at transferring the orb from one arm to another. She causally flipped it onto the palm of her left hand. Moving it back and forth, she tried to remember any of the other tricks the instructional DVD attempted to teach her. 

“Is this a performance or is the orb for sale?” 

Luz’s hand clamped around the orb as she looked up. Her goofing around had attracted a little crowd. Mostly young people, some parents, but all had an interest in what she did. 

The woman grabbed Luz’s wrist, jerking the orb up high for everyone to see. “Highest bidder gets it.” 

People began shouting numbers, each higher than the last as the woman looked down at Luz, beaming with pride, “That was pretty clever- uh, what did you say your name was?” 

Luz stood up, lessening the strain on her arm. “Luz, Luz Noceda.” 

The woman let go of her, allowing that same hand to find a comfortable place on her hip. “Well, Luz that was pretty clever for a mortal.” 

That last word rung in her ears. Scanning the woman, she found no supernatural traits to suggest she was anything other than “mortal.” “Uh, that’s a weird thing to say considering you’re also…” 

“Oh, dear child, I’m not like you.” 

One for the dramatics, she ripped off the cowl and jumped onto the table. “I’m Eda the Owl Lady, the most powerful person in the Boiling Valley.” 

At that declaration, a person dressed in heavy, red robes forced their way through the crowd. The sight of red caused most people to scatter, leaving Luz with a lump in her throat; the person gave off major inquisitor vibes. Tilting up the wide-brimmed red hat to glare at Eda, they declared, “Eda the Owl Lady, you are wanted for the misuse of miracles and sacrilegious misdemeanors.” 

Luz didn’t get it. The talk of miracles and sacrilege threw her off. But one thing was for certain, this guy was accusing Eda of crimes, and it sounded like he knew what he was talking about. “A paladin criminal?” 

“I haven’t committed any crimes,” Eda replied, crossing her arms. Even then she could resist muttering, “In front of you.” 

The piercing blue eyes under the red hat turned to Luz. He reached out to grab her. “And you’re wanted too. For fraternizing with this criminal.” 

His fingers dug into the fabric on her shoulder. “Whoa, that’s not cool dude.” 

But Luz only raised her hands, dropping the Fushigi. If her mother taught her anything, it was don’t resist an arrest. Resisting only led authorities to be more violent against minorities. And Luz wasn’t very interested in getting killed today. At least, this guy didn’t seem to be carrying a weapon. 

“Alright, alright,” Eda said, tossing her hands up in defeat. “I’ll go with you. Just let me get one thing and…” 

She didn’t finish her sentence. She was too busy beaning the inquisitor with a crosier. His grip on Luz vanished, and she let out a sigh of relief. “Alright, we really must be going now,” Eda commented, looking back at her tent full of stuff. 

Eda sighed before grumbling with upraised hands, “Cast thy burden unto the Lord, and he shall sustain thee.” 

Her items sprung into motion, bundling up into a bindle. “Don’t forget the door, God,” Eda jabbed.

The bag crashed into her in response, nearly taking her down. Muttering not-so nice things under her breath, she tied it her crosier before she flung a leg over it. Like a really weird witch on a broomstick. While checking her surroundings one last time, she held out a hand to Luz. “Let’s go, mortal. Don’t want to be here when he gets up.” 

Luz looked down at the groaning figure and decided that Eda was right. She climbed onto the staff right behind Eda. “This is wild,” she commented. “If I die here, my mom’s going to kill me.” 

Eda waved away her concern. “Please, I won’t let them hurt you. Besides, you’re more useful to me alive than dead.” 

“Wait, what’s that supposed to-” 

Luz’s voice was left on the ground beneath them as they bolted into the open skies. Tears were forced out of her eyes as turbulent cold wind blustered her from all sides. It was the world worst rollercoaster, chugging upwards at Mach speeds with no end in sight. 

Then came the calm. The wind wasn’t so terrible when you weren’t pressed against it, and the weight of gravity ceased as they changed course, moving laterally. “You can open your eyes now, Luz.” 

With Eda’s encouragement, Luz peeked out of one eye. Hundreds of meters below her was an expanse of green. From all the way up here, she could see the clear topography of a valley from the forest and rivers to the ominous mountains that rivaled their altitude. Amongst the green was the grey makings of a city. 

Distanced from the problem should’ve made it less prevalent to Luz, but the reprieve from chaos brought all her questions bubbling to the surface, “Flying staffs, everyone’s in khakis, you prayed, and God answered, what is happening? Where am I?” 

Eda smirked as if pleased to explain her world to someone naïve to it. “This is the Boiling Valley, the intermediary destination for souls. Due to our proximity to Him the Almighty, we have a few miraculous perks. Although, we are closer to one place than the other,” her own joke made her snort, “But don’t let that discourage you.” 

So purgatory. Luz asked the next logical thing, “Am I dead?” 

“No,” Eda responded quite definitively. “You got here through a messenger’s door.” 

Luz leaned closer to Eda, peering at her unnaturally pale skin. “Does that mean you’re dead?” 

Clearing her throat, Eda faced away from Luz. “Moving on.” 

Luz was unable to ask more questions as they plummeted. Straining to keep her stomach in its place, she curled up against Eda and waited for the terrifying thrill to stop. It does so at the drop of the dime, leaving all Luz’s excess momentum to ricochet through her body and racket up her nausea. 

She was grateful to hop off the staff and breath freely. Turning back to ask for Eda’s guidance on where they were, Luz gasped at the sight of Eda’s detached hand, still clutching the crosier. The gasp was all Eda needed to know to rectify the situation. “Oops, that happens sometimes,” she said dryly while popping the joints back into place. 

“Oh, so you’re like zombie dead, not just a spirit.” 

“Moving on,” Eda repeated, more forceful than the last time. 

Eda started walking, and Luz lagged behind her. “Welp, this has been fun, but I’d like to go home now.” 

“Not until you do something for me first. Now come on.” 

Luz doesn’t know how to process that; by all accounts, that sounded like extortion. But if Eda was right, and she got to this place via a magical door, she’d need the door to get home. Eda was the only one with access to the door, so Luz would have to go along with whatever she said. 

She didn’t like the sound of that, but she couldn’t imagine anything bad would happen. Eda already saved her from wrongful imprisonment; the lady clearly didn’t want to harm her. Luz picked up her pace, so she could walk beside her. 

The trees cleared to reveal a house. Luz noticed two things off the bat: the stained glass window like an eye peering down at her and the tower that dwarfed the house. “Whoa!” 

Neither of them seemed very subtle though. Luz glanced behind her at the forest. She couldn’t see the town from here, but that didn’t mean much. “Aren’t you worried about the guards following us?” 

“Nope!” Eda answered, strutting up to the wooden door. “My house has a state of the art defense system.” 

On the door, the owl face opened its eyes, then its beak, letting out at high-pitched greeting, “Hoot-hoot! Password please.” 

Luz could hardly care about the talking door on top of flying and whatever Artyael was. The best she could do was pray to God that this would be over soon. Eda knocked the door just beneath its face. “We’ve got no time for this, Hooty, just let us in.” 

Hooty rolled his eyes before swinging open. “Geez fine. You never want to have any fun.” 

Eda gestured for Luz to go first. “Welcome to the Owl House.” 

The chandelier and sconces in the room lit up, revealing a spacious living room littered with oddities. The ceiling had a fresco of a giant deco owl. It all just felt so big. It must be lonely. “This place is beautiful. Do you live here all alone?” 

Peeking over to Eda leaning against the wall by the door, Luz watched her cross her arms. “Actually, I have a roommate.” 

As if summoning the devil, her words caused thunderous footsteps to draw close. The voice belonging to the same person proceeded his appearance, “Who dares intrude upon I, a mighty cherub, a throne bearer of God?” 

A toddler stepped into view, most of his figure obscured by a handstitched chimera onesie. His grumpy little arms were wings. His little stompy steps caused the lion tail to sway. And above his glowering dark eyes were oversized ox horns that slumped down on his forehead. It was the cutest thing Luz had ever seen. 

She ran at the baby, sweeping him up in her arms. “Hay que lindo!” she said, rubbing her cheek against the top of his head. “Who’s the cutest baby in the world? Is it you? Is it you?” 

He put up a fight, pushing her face away and kicking with his legs. “No, unhand me! I’m not a baby! Eda, who is the fiend?” 

Eda watched the scene, thoroughly amused before intervening. She plucked the toddler from Luz’s grip and set him on her shoulder where he was out of Luz’s reach. In response, he hugged her head. “This is Luz, the mortal,” Eda explained to him. “She’s here to help us with our little situation.” 

His pouty expression changed in an instant. “Oh hurray!” 

Holding up a hand, Luz interrupted what was happening. “Wait, wait, wait. I don’t like the sound of this ‘situation.’” 

Eda sighed. “Just let me explain,” she said, gesturing to the toddler on her shoulder. “King was once a fearsome cherub, throne bearer to God, yada, yada, until his halo was stolen, and he became… this.” 

Luz doesn’t see the issue with that, reaching out to try tickling his tummy. “You mean this little bundle of joy?” 

King clumsily swatted the hand away, and Eda put her hand between the two. “The halo is being held by the evil Warden Wrath,” she continued. “And locked away behind a door that only a mortal can open, a mortal like you. If you help us retrieve his halo, we'll send you back to your realm. So, what do you say?” 

Evil Warden Wrath didn’t sound good. Extortion it was, then. Luz’s hands felt heavy against her sides as she commented, “I don’t really have a choice, do I?” 

“Nope!” Eda declared with a clap. “Now, we’ve got no time to lose.” 

Eda dropped her bag by the door, resting her crosier in the crook of her shoulder. Luz stumbled over her own feet as she tried to keep up. “Wait, where’re we going?” Opening the door, Eda smiled at her. “Somewhere super fun.” 

***** 

“The Convertorium, a place for those considered unsuitable for society.” 

The Convertorium was not fun, but with a title like “Warden,” Luz should’ve set her expectations accordingly. It was a prison. A towering one with a brick wall separating it from the rest of the town. Staring at the top of the wall, Luz guessed it was triple her height, and therefore impossible to scale with her physique. 

At eye level, there were dozens of wanted posters; some familiar faces made their way onto most of them. “Wow, these guys are really into you.” 

Eda tapped her temple with a wink. King on her other shoulder nearly fell off with the gesture. “Yep, but we’ve never been caught cause we’re too slick.” 

Hopping off Eda, King proceeded to scramble up Luz like a tree. Perched on her shoulder, he added, “Nyeh, try to catch us when we pour Myron everywhere. We’re slippy boys.” 

Luz held in a delighted squee as King stood and pointed to the tower. If she squinted, she could just make out a window. “Ah ha!” he declared. “You and I can climb to the top of the tower to get my halo.” 

Nodding along, Eda said, “And I’ll make sure the warden is distracted. Now, God if you could…”

There was a moment of silence as nothing happened. Eda sighed, “Fine, ‘He shall fly away as a dream and shall not be found.’” 

Luz wondered how prayers worked here. Was it more than just talking to God? Was there some sort of secret code? That sounded like a Bible passage, so- 

She was jerked out of her thoughts by newfound momentum. Flailing around, it felt like she had been chucked from a catapult. Beside her, King flapped his fabric wings. Squeaking, she was busy watching him pretend to fly, so the landing came as a surprise. 

Crashing through the window, they skid to a stop on the hard stone floor. Sitting upright, she looked back at the window. She just flew, by the grace of God. She stood, brushing off her leggings. “Uh, thanks God?” Luz said, the warm and fuzzy feeling of gratitude blooming in her chest. 

“No time for Him! Let’s get going.” 

Once King was on his tiny feet, he was running. They hurried down the hall, paying no mind to the insignificant side doors. Luz trusted that King knew where he was going. He picked a broad door with a semi-circular top. Looked important, so Luz helped him open it. 

The room beyond appeared to be the core of the tower; it was a spiraling path downward with an eerie opening in its center, all dimly lit by the occasional torch. Luz stuck close to the wall before realizing that it was marred with levers and metal bars- cell doors. Stepping closer to a particular set, Luz peered inside to find a person staring back. 

“Hey, kid. How’d you get out of your cell?” 

Luz smiled uncomfortably. “I didn’t cause I’m not criminal.” 

King bumped his horns against her knee. “Not yet, you’re not.” 

Picking him up, she nestled him in the crook of her arm. The prisoner stalked right up to the bars, leaning their forearms on the sole horizontal one. “Neither are we,” they said. “The stupid warden likes to lock people up who don't fit in.” 

They reached into their pocket, pulling out a hand-sized card. “Like, I like reading tarot cards,” they admitted, showing Luz the tower painted onto the piece of paper. “I know they aren’t real magic, but they’re pretty, and it’s fun to pretend. Just let me read them!” 

The prisoner’s neighbor joined the conversation with his issue, “I’m here because I think Jesus was just a prophet.” 

So did the one of the other side of them, her prominent nose pressed against the bars alongside the rest of her face. “We are agents of free expression! They will never silence us!” 

The first prisoner rolled their eyes at that comment, telling Luz, “Yeah, she’s really into conspiracy theories.” 

“The world is a simulation!” She maintained, shaking a fist. “We are but playthings for a higher being!” 

By this point, Luz was perplexed by all the innocuous things that got them in here. “Wait, those aren’t crimes. None of you have actually done anything wrong. You just believe things that aren’t-” 

That’s it. The world, the power dynamics, the miracles, it was Christianity. God was real, and the Christians were right! Luz got the sudden urge to apologize for ever doubting God’s existence. But there was no time as heavy footsteps approached. 

The prisoner recognized the sound. “It’s the warden! Quick, hide!” 

Luz groaned in a panic before hiding in one of the open cells. She slammed the door down behind her before pressing her back to the furthest wall. Just in time for a nearby door to swing open and a figure to stalk out.

A rugged man, well over two meters, walked along the cells. He was built to rend trees into splinters, muscles practically bursting out of a familiar red robe. Luz almost wished he was wearing the funny hat because that would cut some of the tension. In its place was a portentous black hood that made Luz hug King a little tighter. 

His gruff voice didn’t help. “What’re you miscreants talking about?” 

As he passed Luz’s cell, she saw a massive axe on his back. Its edge was freshly polished, causing it to shine even in the poor lighting. He stopped, turning back to check her cell. Was her cover blown? 

“How Judas was a plant on top of being a dirty no good traitor like-” 

Luz jumped at the prisoner’s squeak. The warden had grabbed her face through the bars. “You know that isn’t what we teach here. Sounds like you need another lesson.” 

He opened her cell door before dragging her by the wrist to the same door he emerged from. She went kicking and screaming the whole time, but when the warden has a fist the size of her entire forearm, she wasn’t going to win by any show of force. The door slammed shut behind them. 

Luz waited a moment before pulling open her door. She kept checking that door as she snuck back to the tarot reader. Even though they were in here for a reason, Luz would hate herself if she didn’t do something. “Don’t worry. I’m going to try to get you out.” 

She reached for the lever beside their cell, pushing up with all her might. It didn’t move. Cramming her shoulder under it to add more force did nothing. “No, my weak nerd arms,” she lamented. 

The prisoner wasn’t surprised, giving her a wry smile. “Just get out of here while you still can, kid. Enjoy freedom for us.” 

She stepped back, her eyes dropping to the floor. “I’m sorry.” 

King tugged on her sleeve, pointing to a door some ways up the spiraling incline. They still had his halo to find. Luz reluctantly left the cells behind, promising to herself that she would come back.

Behind that door was a similar hallway to the first, but at its end wasn’t another window; it was a corner. When they turned the corner, hopefully there’d be that mystical mortals-only door. 

“There you are! What held you up?” 

Whirling around, Luz found Eda, overly loud and jovial for the situation. The better question was how did Eda get here, but Luz didn’t bother. “The prisoners,” she admitted, turning around to keep moving forward. 

Eda frowned momentarily. Then she put a pep in her step and tried to cheer the kid up. “Oh, those guys, bunch of bummers, huh?” 

Luz doesn’t take the bait to lighten up. “It’s not fair that they’re all in here. They just believe and do things that most of society doesn’t. They’re not hurting anyone, so why do people think it’s such a bad thing?” 

Sighing, Eda didn’t know where to start. By the time she found something decent to say to reassure her, they were standing before the double doors. “Luz, it’s-” 

“Open the door!” King interrupted, hopping off Luz’s shoulder to go bang on the door. “My halo is close! I can feel its power.” 

Luz stared at the dark wooden doors; where the pair met was steepled, reminding her a fancy church doors. Every centimeter of it was carved with minute details interpreting the text of Revelations, adding to its air of unearthly nature. Yet it had a doorknob that Luz could find in her house- round dull tin. One she practiced her nonexistent pick-locking skills on until she broke it. 

Along its arch was some text. “’Only the worthy can pass,’” Luz read aloud before turning to Eda. “Wait, what does that mean? I thought you needed a mortal?” 

“Just open it. You’ll see.” 

Luz wrapped her hand around the doorknob, waiting for something. A cold rush, lightning, burning, or something, but nothing happened. She turned the knob, and the lock clicked. With a push, she opened both doors. Beyond it, there was a pile of junk.

King charged in as Luz faced Eda, a hand jumping to her heart. “I’m worthy? Really? After all of the chaos I caused, and-” 

“Kid,” she said, putting a hand on Luz’s shoulder. “You were willing to help total strangers and us. Don’t think too hard about it.” 

“My halo!” King screamed, reappearing with a toy. 

What he deemed to be his halo was nothing more than a bit of tinsel attached to a fuzzy headband. He put in on over his onesie, creating the image of a horned angel. Aside from his cuter appearance, his form didn’t change. 

“Hey,” Luz said before her voice petered out. 

She watched as King rushed back into the heap, pulling out a bunny plushie. “The halo doesn’t really give him powers, does it?” 

“Uh no,” Eda admitted before sighing. “Look at us, Luz. King and I don’t have much in this world. We only have each other. So if that dumb little halo is important to him, it’s important to me too… You got to support those you care about, you know?” 

Support them even when their interests were niche or put you in danger? That was something that Luz could get behind. It brought the prisoners to mind. “Yeah,” Luz said, smiling. “I was thinking-”

Eda held up a hand. “Save it for when we’re out of here. The warden will have my head if he catches us.” 

“Don’t mind if I do.” 

Silver flashed in a glittering trail across Eda’s neck. The motion of it, one could hardly call it what it was- a decapitation, sent Eda’s head flying. Her head landed in Luz’s arms, causing her to scream. 

But her voice gave out when Eda shouted, “Ouch! Oh, I hate it when that happens!” 

Luz maneuvered the head so she could look Eda in the eye. Her face was scrunched up in pain. “Madre de dios Eda, are you okay?” 

“Yeah, this just happens when you get older.” 

There was understated horror in Luz’s voice as she asked, “Does it?” 

She didn’t get her answer as the warden reasserted the presence of him and his guards. “Finally, I have you cornered, Eda the Owl Lady.” He stowed his axe and moved closer to the trio, looming over Luz. “My guards could never capture you, but I knew if I took your pet’s toy, you’d come running.” 

Luz got to see his facial features while glaring up at him. Brutish features dominated by a square jaw. His beady eyes dropped to King, unaffected by the scenario because of his halo and new allies. Bending over, he plucked the halo off King like picking a flower. Then he crumpled it. 

He did it purely out of spite, a smile spreading across his face as King wailed in genuine pain. The warden dropped the ruined halo, careless of what would happen to it or its owner. Picking it up, King held it close to his chest. 

Eda’s brow furrowed as she demanded, “What do you want with me? I never broke any of your stupid laws… in front of you.” 

Dropping to a knee, the warden got on an equal level to Eda. He reached into the folds of his robe. “I want you,” He started before pulling out a bouquet. “To go out with me.” 

The guards behind him cheered as Eda and Luz said, “What?” 

He gestured to his guards. “You’ve always eluded our capture, were always the one that got away,” he declared before staring Eda down. “I found that alluring.” 

Luz shook her head with wide-eyed disgust. “I hate everything you’re saying right now.” 

On his feet in an instant, the warden returned to his wrathful nature. “You stay out of this!” 

He shoved Luz. She hit the ground with a huff. Splayed across her back, it took her a moment to realize she lost her grip on Eda’s head. 

Holding Eda up to his face via her hair, the warden continued his pompous plight, “So, how about it, Owl Lady? The ‘most powerful person’ in the valley and the feared ‘n’ faithful Warden Wrath. We’d be the strongest power couple this divot of land has ever seen.”

He paused, tilting his head to the side, a subtle gesture to the guards supporting him. “It’s not like you can say no right now.” 

Eda spat on him. “Yes, I can. You had your guards stalk me, and then you cut off my head. I am not going out with you.” 

Rubbing his face with his other forearm, he grumbled, “Impudent wench! If you won’t accept, then I have no choice but to des-” 

He stiffened as a dull thud echoed in the space. Losing his grip on Eda, he went careening to the ground. Behind him, Luz raised the backside of the axe for another swing, but the warden wasn’t going anywhere. 

“Nice!” Eda said, impressed. 

Dropping the axe, Luz hurried to gather Eda’s head, her body, King, and the staff. “Okay, we’re going now, except for one little favor.” 

Luz straddled the staff, holding Eda’s head in front of her. Once there, she hesitated, unsure where to kick off or say something. Noticing how quickly the warden was recovering, Eda shouted, “Art, gun it!” 

The top of the crosier flashed white before they jolted into motion. Artyael carried them around the corner and down the hall before Luz could process what was happening. They crashed through the wooden door without losing any momentum before swerving to fly by the cell doors. “Hey Eda, can you give me a hand?” 

Eda smiled. The headless body supported Luz as she pulled all the levers up. They flew by too fast for Luz to see any of the people she was freeing, but she knew in heart she was doing the right thing. The prisoners would hopefully join in their escape. 

She couldn’t revel in the victory though as a shout shook the walls, “Owl Lady, I won’t let you get away again!” 

They reached the bottom of the tower only to find the backside of a metal-reinforced door big enough for a bus to pass through. A dead end essentially. But Art wasn’t slowing. Luz looked to Eda for some help. The woman rolled her eyes. “Hey God, I need you to open a window!” 

Her prayer was almost lost in the midst of an explosion. The door and its brick supports burst outward, throwing dust and rubble on them as they blew by. While coughing, Eda muttered a sarcastic thanks. 

Sliding to a stop, Luz got off the staff to put Eda back together. Beside them, King was grumbling about getting rocks in his onesie. Eda’s head struggled in Luz’s grip as she tried to watch the opening. Once Luz popped the neck back together, Eda pushed her aside. The warden emerged from the settling dust. 

Eda’s eyes flicked between him, Luz, and King before deciding something. She fished the key from her pocket and placed it into Luz’s hand. “Luz, go back to the human realm.” 

Luz turned back to see the warden approaching, his axe glimmering in the moonlight. Clutching the key tightly, she faced Eda. “But what about you guys?” 

Waving away her concerns, Eda gave her some trite line, “We’ll be fine. This isn’t my first axe fight with a guy I rejected.” 

“But-” 

“Nope, no time! Art!” 

Artyael leapt into action, swooping up Luz and carrying her away from the courtyard. High in the sky, Luz clung to the staff for her life, even as she strained to see what was happening with Eda.

Without a weapon, Eda was at a clear disadvantage. But she had God on her side. Every axe swing lurched away from her body seconds before bloody impact, and when she managed to lash out, her bony fists caused her bulkier opponent to stagger. King was further away, helping the best he could by chucking rocks. 

“Artyael, turn around!” 

Luz shouted, tugging at the wood in her hands. The warden wasn’t alone though. There were guards, swarming like ants trying to detain the freed prisoners. Then there were the bursts of fire that interspersed the fight. Luz didn’t know how, but it seemed to come from the warden. Had his face always looked so ghoulish? 

“She could get seriously hurt, Art,” she persisted. “We have to help her!” 

He slowed. Pulling him this time got him to veer to his left in a wide one-eighty. As she was wheeling around, she spotted the prisoners, hiding within the blown out entrance. Luz leaned, and they dived to meet them. 

Drifting to a stop, Luz asked, “Why are you guys just standing there? This is your chance to escape!” 

The tarot reader crossed their arms, shuffling further back into the dark recesses of the tower. “Why bother?,” they asked with a sigh. “The warden will catch us again. He always does.” 

The man beside them nodded. “We belong here.” 

The woman sported a fresh black eye. She agreed with the other two. “Self-doubt is a prison you can never escape from.” 

Luz was beyond frustrated by the system that reduced interesting people into defeated, depressed shells of their former selves. And how compliant they were with it. “That’s ridiculous!” Luz declared. “So, you have a way of looking at the world that different, or you have weird interests. That doesn’t make you worthy of prison- it makes you awesome!” 

The first prisoner poked their head out. “Why are you helping us?” 

“Because you have to support the people you care about,” she said before holding out a hand. “Now come on, I could really use your help.” 

***** 

Eda knew she was screwed the moment she saw the warden. Sending Luz away was her one good deed after years of being selfish. Her actions, her choices, were finally catching up to her. 

And they took the form of a fire-breathing, axe-wielding maniac. 

Sure, God helped where He could, but Eda could only mutter prayers as long as she had breath. Things took their inevitable turn when Warden Wrath nailed her in the chest with one of his cinderblock feet. She skidded a few meters. 

Gasping on the ground, Eda was certain this was her end. The warden planted a foot on her gut to hold in her place as he pointed his axe at her face. “No more running away, Owl Lady. Today, I capture once and for all!” 

Eda shut her eyes. She didn’t want to see what would happen next. 

“Go, go, go!” 

Luz charged into battle on Artyael with the trio of prisoners supporting her. The bulky man tackled the warden with a controversial war cry, “Jesus was just a man!” 

The pair of them stumbled around until the conspiracy prisoner dived at the warden’s legs. “I think the world is a triangle!” 

He went down like felled tree. His axe clattered beside him. The final prisoner grabbed his arms before he could reclaim it. They pulled the arms close as the other prisoners dogpiled on him. “And I practice the ancient art of paganism!” they declared, whacking his face with a book. 

The warden struggled beneath them, craning his neck to find their instigator, Luz. “You! This is your doing! Who do you think you are?” 

Luz hopped off Artyael, approaching them. “I am Luz Noceda,” she said, picking up his axe. Raising it above her head, she hesitated. “’Strengthen me, O Lord God, and look upon that which thou hast promised.’” 

She swung the axe down on his head with a sickening crack. The broadside of the blade left a terrible mark on his forehead, but he was concussed not headless. 

The axe slipped out of her trembling hands as she ran to Eda. The older woman was upright, rubbing her abdomen and groaning. King was beside her, bumping his head against her back and telling her to get up. “In a minute, Rocky.” 

Luz stopped in front her, unsure whether to help her up or let her rest. King walked over to her. “That was actually one of her better breakups.” 

Eda held out both her hands, and Luz pulled her to her feet. “Not a breakup,” she chided, poking the top of his head. Her eyebrows creased as she looked around. “Now, let’s get out of here before any of the guards catch on.” 

Raising a hand, Eda summoned Artyael to her side. The trio climbed on and took off. Turning back, Luz waved goodbye and shouted good luck to her freed friends. 

***** 

As soon as they entered the Owl House, Eda said, “Well, a deal’s a deal. Let’s get you home.” 

The key flew out of Luz’s pocket and into Eda’s hand. She pressed the button at its base, summoning the messenger’s door. The doorway glowed white before the living room’s fireplace, with what was waiting on the other side completely hidden. 

In spite of the obvious out, a chance to leave and never look back, Luz took her time. She faced King. “I know it’s not the same but…” 

Luz reached into her bag. After her failed book report, her mother made her crumple up her aluminum foil sword. The remains, a ball of trash, was still malleable. Pulling it out, she flattened it the best she could and molded it into a ring. A halo. 

Luz kneeled before King and set it on his horns. The rough material clung to the cotton fuzz exposed on the broken horn, but it slipped down the other one, giving him an off-kilter look. She smiled. “An angel shouldn’t be without their halo.” 

He reached up to touch it. Lowering his hand, he nodded. “This shall suffice.” 

Eda turned away from the cute scene to see Luz’s VBS pamphlet on her coffee table. That wasn’t where either of them left it, but Eda seized the opportunity to return it. “Ah, don’t forget this,” she said, putting it in Luz’s hands. Eda shrugged, adding, “It’s not my cup of tea, but you should do the things that make you happy.” 

Luz didn’t have the heart to explain that she actually wasn’t allowed to go to the VBS camp. Or do a lot of thing she that made her happy without experiencing some judgement or ridicule. She folded the pamphlet and shove it into her pocket. Stepping closer to the door, Luz only felt dread at whatever she was going to face beyond. Her mom said it would be fine, and Luz should listen to her mother but… 

She stopped right before the door and turned back to Eda. “Actually,” she started. “And this is going to sound crazy, but I want to stay.” 

“What?” Eda responded with a raised eyebrow. “You almost got arrested, started a prison riot, and cracked a man’s skull.” 

“And all of that was amazing!” Luz blinked. “And likely traumatic, but not tonight! I want to stay… and I want to learn how to perform miracles like you.” 

That was the other reason Luz wanted to stay. Back on Earth, one could only hope and pray, but here, God was active; God cared about God’s creations and strived to make their lives better. Luz wanted to live in the world her grandmother thought Earth was. One where her faith wasn’t questioned or mocked. 

“Like me?” Eda repeated, putting a hand to her chest. “Kid, are you sure? I’m not exactly the best theology teacher.” 

“Back home, I was destined for summer camp far from home with a bunch of people who probably wouldn’t like me, but here, every day will be a bit of Vacation Bible Study with my two favorite people!” 

Eda frowned. Luz clasped her hands together and begged, “Please, I’ll do whatever you want.” 

King tugged at the hem of Eda’s dress before hiding his mouth with a hand to discreetly declare, “Let her stay! She can make us snacks.” 

Throwing her hands up, Eda relented, “Alright, but don’t get your hopes up. We won’t spend hours reading the bible or reciting prayers- And you’ll have to work! Earn your keep and all that.” 

“Deal!” 

Luz swept the pair up in a hug. Smothered between the two people, King could only screech, “Too tight! Too tight!” 

***** 

Luz was given a closet for a bedroom. She wasn’t surprised; the house didn’t seem built for very many people. Besides, the closet was spacious enough for her sleeping bag and all her mementos from home, so it wasn’t like she needed extra room. Luz set a framed picture of her and her mom next to the sleeping bag, alongside her grandmother’s Bible. She ran a thumb across the glass; they looked so happy in that old photo. 

A cloud passed over the moon, dimming the room for a moment. Looking out the window, Luz stared at the stars. They were so bright, unlike the ones she would see at home. The feeling that God hung each one in the sky just for people like her to see filled her with warmth. She cleared her throat. “Um, I know I don’t talk to you a lot, but thanks.” 

She smiled at the moon before catching the patter of approaching feet. When she turned, she found King standing in the doorway. His halo was replaced with a sleeping cap, and in his chubby wings was a bunny plushie. “Your sleep cocoon looks comfy.” 

Luz patted the spot beside her, but King decided to curl up at its base. Shrugging it off, Luz slipped into the bag. She was ready to shut her eyes and sleep for the next ten years when her phone buzzed. 

Fetching it, she was surprised she could even receive texts. Did they have cell towers here? Looking at her home screen, she read the notification. From Mom- “How was your first day?” 

Her expression dropped; her mother was expecting her to be at summer camp. Wouldn’t the camp have called her since she missed the bus? Was there no accountability? If the camp didn’t care to tell her mom she was missing, then she wasn’t going to make it apparent. 

Luz smiled, texting back, “I think I’m going to like it here.”


	3. Chapter Two: Culture over Cults

Luz snuck out of her sleeping bag as soon as sunlight struck her window. She couldn’t pretend to be asleep any longer; she was buzzing with energy. Peeking out the window, she saw the sea of evergreens and a cloudless sky. Today was going to be a good day.

She tiptoed by King, half-tempted to wake him up for snuggles and kisses. Reassuring herself that she could do that when he was in a good mood, she wandered out of the closet to find the bathroom. She tidied up, thinking about what she wanted to do once Eda was awake.

Have her explain Miracles obviously. Eda asked things of God, and God answered; rather generously considering how disgruntled Eda sounded whenever she prayed. After that, Eda could teach her how to do miracles. It didn’t seem to take much, so maybe she could be performing miracles just like Eda by the end of the day.

With miracles in her arsenal, she could explore the Boiling Valley. Get out there and make friends. Or find a church from where she could make friends. Friends were a big factor in her mind. Luz wanted to text her mom telling her about all the amazing friends she made at not-camp.

At the thought of lying to her mom, her energy dipped. Luz shook her head, casting it out. “She won’t be mad if I make a bunch of friends… Maybe Eda can teach me to balance checkbooks just in case.” 

Luz explored the main floor while waiting for Eda. She checked the bookshelves on the living room for a Bible. Then the apocrypha. Literally any book that made mention of Christianity. Nothing, though Luz did spot some fantasy novels that struck her fancy. She made note of them for later. 

The sound of the toilet flushing upstairs caught her attention. She rushed to the bottom of the steps, her hands jittery by her sides. Sure enough, Eda appeared on the landing, her bushy hair extra disheveled. Her back popped as she stretched and yawned. Luz realized she hadn’t noticed her. “Good morning, Miss Eda!” she greeted. “Your Christian apprentice is ready to learn!” 

Eda’s eyes dropped to her. “Oh God, you’re still here.” 

Luz’s smiled faltered. Shuffling down the steps, Eda ignored her for the most part. She stepped around Luz to head to the kitchen. Following her, Luz asked, “Are we going to have lessons, or do you just want to teach me miracles? I bet I could do the one from yesterday, the Bible quote one that sent King and I flying through-”

“Luz!” Eda interrupted, slamming a mug on the counter. 

Snapping up straight, Luz zipped her lip. Eda groaned, rubbing her head and lumbering to her fridge. “Can you keep it down?” she continued in a softer voice. “I haven’t even had my Eucharist yet.”

Luz chuckled uneasily as Eda pulled out a flask and a loaf of bread. “Uh, isn’t it a little early for wine and wafers?”

Eda didn’t answer, pouring a long draught from the flask. Picking up the mug, she took a long sip. “No,” she answered before taking another swig.

Luz’s instincts told her to be perturbed, but Eda’s actions clearly had a religious aspect to it. Connecting the pieces together, Luz gasped, “Is that part of how you get to do miracles? Can I have some?”

“Uh no… Not yet,” Eda replied, breaking a chunk off the bread. In spite of what she just said, she gave Luz the piece of bread. “You have to earn it.” 

Luz snapped her fingers before taking a big bite. “Right. Catechism.” 

Eda snorted, nearly choking on drink. “What? No by delivering some packages for me.” 

“Oh. Okay!” 

That sounded much easier than going through an entire Catechism course. Luz wolfed down the bread before insisting that they get started now. Trying not to roll her eyes, Eda led her to the living room where she gifted Luz a green trash bag. It clinked as Luz took it.

Peeking inside, Luz was stunned to find a multitude of tiny glass vials. She was struck with just as many smells, creating an unpleasant mix. “Wait, are these… essential oils?” 

“A Christian’s best remedy!” 

Luz shut the bag, nearly throwing it to the ground as she looked up at a smiley Eda. “But, they’re bunk!” Luz exclaimed. “Nice smells don’t heal sicknesses or cure autism or-” 

“Kid, I know,” she interrupted, shrugging. “But these dummies are willing to buy it, so I’m willing to sell it. It’s not hurting anybody.” 

Fiddling with her grip on the bag, Luz explained, “Mi abuelita died because of scams like this. She thought her faith would save her.” 

Eda sucked air through her teeth before putting her joined hands over her mouth. She then pointed both index fingers at Luz. “What if I tell you we have miracle healing in the Boiling Valley and that essential oils are a crucial part of getting healers in the right mindset to heal?” 

“I guess it’s fine.” 

Turning away, Eda gunned for her mug. After a moment to compose her thoughts, she asked Luz, “Why do you even want to be a Christian if that happened to your grandma? Wouldn’t that turn you away from that belief?” 

That was what happened to her mom. It was the question a lot of people faced: Why did this bad thing happened? If God existed, couldn’t They’ve stopped it? Why did They want people, want me, to suffer? If God was the big three- omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent, then why?

Luz shook her head. “No, I can’t blame God for mi abuelita’s choices… I could probably blame the people at her church. But not all churches are bad so...” she trailed off, uncertain what else to say. 

Eda grimaced; it wasn’t the worst apologetics she had heard. Gesturing at the trash bag, she said, “Well, have at it, kid.”

Watching Luz rock on her heels and smile, Eda realized that Luz didn’t know what she was in for. Working for a wanted criminal wasn’t a walk in the park. She raised a finger, adding, “Oh, and be careful. You’re delivering stuff from me, so people might try to pull something to get to me.” 

Luz didn’t get the hint. “I won’t let you down,” Luz reassured.

She threw her hand up to salute, sending the bag flying from her hand. “Uh huh,” Eda responded slowly before looking around. King had moved his slumber party to the couch. “King, go with her. Show her where to go and make sure none of those street preachers talk to her. I’d like to see you guys back before the day ends.” 

King grumbled but got up. Luz picked up the bag, slinging it over her shoulder. “We’ll be lickety-split, Miss Eda, don’t you worry!”

*****

Luz waited only a few minutes into the journey to town to start talking about all the things running through her mind. “I mean, there has to be a reason I was brought here, right?” Luz said, looking down at King. “Why did Art choose my trash to rummage through?” 

King scratched his ear. “You got good trash?” 

Luz adjusted her grip on the trash bag with a huff. “I’m being serious. Do you think it’s because I belong here? Because I have the potential to perform miracles just like Eda?” 

“Nah, it was the good garbage,” he replied. “Besides, would a good Christian be doling out essential oils like a smelly conman?” 

He poked the bottom of the bag. Luz faked an offended gasp. “I’m doing honest work for a woman I admire. There’s nothing shady about that.” 

She faced forward, straining her eyes to spot the first building that made up the sprawling village. It looked like a little cottage, where Luz imagined a smiling family who raised chickens and baked bread lived. A family that would be delighted to see her and welcome her to town.

“And by doing this, I’m going to meet a bunch of people and gain their respect. I’m going to be a part of the community!” 

King took her to their first stop, a multiplex near a park. The closer they got, the more Luz noticed little things were off about it. The paint was chipped. The railings rusted. None of the doors had numbers.

Knocking on the door King assured was the right one, Luz was met with a gruff man. He didn’t wait for her greeting, or explanation, he just held out his hand. Put out, Luz gave him his order, and the door slammed shut before she could utter another word. “Geez, not so friendly huh?” Luz commented to King, who shrugged.

That man set the tone for the rest of Luz’s adventure through the Valley. No one was happy to see her, no one said more than a few words to her, and no one even introduced themselves. 

For a short while, Luz thought it was a stranger thing; people didn’t know her, or her affiliations, so they were guarded. And so, she started introducing herself. “Respectable Christian Luz Noceda here, delivering your package from the Great and Powerful Eda the Owl Lady.”

That got her a few more slammed doors and weird looks. It felt like nothing she did appealed to the denizens of the valley. By the second to last delivery, Luz was venting, “Everybody hates me! Why does everybody hate me?” 

“Because everyone already hated Eda. You’re just Eda with a new face.” 

Luz sighed. Why didn’t Eda mention that when she was warning about all the dangerous people wanting to get to her? Maybe Eda felt paranoid because people were so rude. “Let’s just get this last one done and go home.”

King led her down an alley past some hanging sheets. She pushed past the damp cloth to see a massive cathedral. 

Well, it wasn’t exactly a cathedral. It lacked any Christian iconography, but the building boasted a domed ceiling and large panes of stained glass. Its white stone shone like snow in the sun. “Whoa!” Luz said, picking up her pace. “It looks like a church!” 

Crossing his arms, King stood rooted by the entrance to the courtyard. “Ugh, gross. Bad vibes. Let’s just kick it in the door… Luz?” 

She was already wandering inside. King ran as fast as his little legs could carry him. Lingering in the darkened doorway, Luz hardly felt King ramming his soft horns into her calf. “Do you lack survival instincts?” he chided in squeaky anger. “You don’t just go into some guy’s house!” 

Luz shushed him before calling, “Hello, I’m delivering a package from Miss Eda!” 

They walked down the hall to another room, King clinging to Luz’s leg. The room could’ve sprung straight out of Luz’s dreams; shelves upon soaring shelves jam-packed with books, a dramatic staircase that flared at its base, and a bunch of comfy, fancy-looking furniture. She couldn’t decide whether to call the place a library or a castle. 

A man appeared at the top of the steps. “Hello?”

He was bedecked in white robes, a gold stolen reaching all the way to his knees. His kind face bore frameless glasses and a long white beard. “A priest!” Luz responded in delight. 

“A man in jim-jams,” King replied.

The priest didn’t catch King’s comment as he smiled down at them. “Ah, a new face! How nice to meet you,” he greeted, descending the stairs. “Won’t you join me for tea?” 

He motioned to a pair of chairs and a table, already covered with platters of treats and a tea set. King tugged on Luz’s clothes, coaxing her to bend over, so he could whisper, “Let’s scram, Luz, I don’t trust this guy.” 

Straightening up, Luz waved off his concerns. “Come on, a bit of tea and conversation with a friendly person isn’t going to hurt us… Plus, I see scones on the table.” 

His head whipped around to face the table. “Where?” 

He rushed over to the table as Luz went to sit in one of the chairs. “We’d love to join you for tea.” 

“Excellent, for our Lord has given me plenty.” 

Luz looked around the room again as the priest poured tea into a cup. Tucked partially behind the staircase, there were pitchers of Myron and herbs spread out on a table. Glass flasks, Bunsen burners, and spiraling tubes accompanied them giving off the impression that the priest was a bit of a chemist. 

“Do you craft oils, Father Priest sir?” Luz asked as he handed her the teacup.

He smiled, settling back into his seat. “Please call me Father Adegast, or just Adegast if that’s more comfortable. And yes, I infuse oils for use in my church.” 

Luz perked up. “You have a church?” 

Nodding, he picked up his cup. “Indeed, one of the few in the valley.” 

“Few?” 

If the Boiling Valley had God and miracles, then one would expect it to have many churches, enough for everyone to worship in. Maybe the valley was smaller than she thought. Or they all consolidated into megachurches. Or maybe all these jerks that she interacted with didn’t go to church; that would explain their attitudes.

“You’re newer to this place than I had thought,” he commented before sipping from his cup. He set it on its saucer, answering, “There are only a few churches to cover the various opposing denominations we have.” 

Opposing? Luz longed to ask more questions, but she knew that would get tiresome. She really didn’t want to get on the priest’s nerves. He was the first person who was nice to her all day. “Interesting.” 

They fell into a lull as King crammed scones into his tiny mouth. Luz drank her tea, wondering if she had to ask for sugar or just reach for the jar on the table. Or she could just pretend plain leaf-water tasted good. 

“You work for Eda, yes?” 

Luz jumped, giving him an awkward smile. “Well, I’m kind of sort of her apprentice.” 

Adegast leaned in. “Oh, how are you finding the experience so far?” 

Her smile diminished, and she set her cup on the table. “Can I be honest, Father?” she asked, waiting for his nod before continuing, “When I decided to stay here, I thought it would be different from my home. I thought I would make friends, figure out my feelings about important stuff, and…” 

“So, you are feeling lonely?” 

She played with her hands. “I just- I’m not sure I belong here.” 

Adegast sat back and folded his hands in his lap. “Well, I believe it’s all about how much work you put into it.” 

Raising her eyebrows, she responded, “Oh ho, trust me, I’m working.” 

If she couldn’t charm the folks of the valley with her natural charisma and undeterrable optimism, then she didn’t know what else she could do. Adegast stroked his beard. “Then perhaps, you should work in a different place.”

The metaphor was too drawn out at this point to make sense. “Are you offering me a job or…?” 

“A community,” he clarified. “Come visit my church sometime.” 

Reaching into his robes, Adegast pulled out a flyer. He gave her a paper. “It’s a ways away from the Borough, but I have faith that you can make the arduous journey. You may find what you seek there.” 

Luz read over the paper, catching the words, “Youth Group” and “Sunday School.” Add that to that picturesque church nestled in the corner, and she was sold. “Eee, that sounds like a great idea!”

*****

“That is the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard,” Eda declared, looking over the flyer the priest gave Luz. 

Luz snatched back the paper before falling back onto her sleeping bag. She read it again, trying to see whatever Eda was seeing. King snickering in the corner didn’t help. “What? Why?” 

Eda started counting off the reasons on her fingers. “One, you know nothing about this man, two, you’re agreeing to meet him and all his ‘friends’ in the woods, and three, do I need to go on?” 

She sounded like her mom. To be fair, her mother would never let her go into the woods, unsupervised, with a bunch of strangers. Save for camp; camp was “reputable” unlike a church. “You have a point,” Luz conceded. “But, he’s a priest! And he seemed really nice!” 

Kneeling beside her, Eda ruffled her hair. “Oh, Luz, you naïve child. Even if he is a priest, that doesn’t mean he’s a good person.” 

Luz pushed her hand away, glaring at the ground, “Fine whatever, I was wrong.” 

“It’s okay,” Eda responded, patting Luz’s shoulder. “A few more months here, and you’ll be able to sort the bad apples from the rest. Or pick out the good ones from the rotten barrel.” 

Eda snorted at her own joke while standing. “Now let’s-” 

“Actually, can I have some time alone?” 

Eda shrugged before walking away with King. Luz watched her leave before sighing and slumping against the wall. Flicking the edge of the flyer, she stared at the picture of the church. 

“Maybe, they’re right. This was just a scam, and he was just trying to trick me. I won’t get to meet his community or even get to find out if they’re people I want to spend time with. It was a trick, and I’ll get to stay.” She looked up at the empty room. “Alone.” 

Luz lovingly traced the bolded phrase, “The Lord’s Chosen People,” while thinking that sounded just like the Book of Judith; Judith turned to God and saved her people, God’s people. Luz knew what Judith would do in her place. 

She lurched to her feet, grabbing her bag to pack it for the journey. “If God wills it, then it’ll happen. If God wants me to join this church, then he won’t stop me… I’ll never know if I don’t try.”

She took the short sword leaning against the back of the door before climbing out the window. Just in case. 

*****

Eda settled on the couch beside a napping King, but she couldn’t rest. Her mind was abuzz with thought. “You said this priest was one of my clients?” 

“Yeah,” King said, pulling his onesie’s hood over his head. “Now shush. I’m tired from all that walking you made me do.” 

Shifting her weight, she sent King sliding into her side. “I don’t know him that well. And I don’t like this itch he’s scratching in the mortal.”

He pushed away from her with his feet before curling up. “Less talky, more nappy.”

Eda stared at the ceiling, contemplating things. There was once a time where she’d give anything to be a part of a church, to be a part of something bigger than herself. Then, she learned she only thought that way because she didn’t think she was good enough on her own. 

Being with a bunch of people won’t make you like yourself. Won’t make you feel satisfied or content. You needed to be happy by yourself before you can be happy with others. 

Eda got up, deciding to try to explain that to Luz. A wry smile crossed her lips as it occurred to her that she was acting a bit more mentor-ly than she expected when she first accepted Luz into her home. Just as surprising was the fact that she didn’t hate it.

But when she got to Luz’s room, she found it empty. “Aw, rats.”

*****

Luz strode through the forest, pumping herself up as she went along, “You got this. You’re friendly, kind, irrepressibly optimistic! Everyone will love you!”

Jumping at the crack of a branch, Luz was spooked for a second. She scanned the darkened woods for any sign of motion before pressing onward. “You know, I wonder if I made the right choice by coming here.” 

She pushed through some bushes to find another town, a quaint little village made of only a few houses. Still it was bustling with activity. A lady watering her garden behind a white-picket fence, a teen picking flowers by a burbling fountain, another person manning a grill. They were all smiling and chatting though they weren’t physically close together.

Luz smiled, approaching the fountain in the center of the square. As she passed by, the lady spotted her and waved. Luz was taken aback for a second before responding in kind. The person grilling bellowed a greeting, and Luz shouted back, “Hello, lovely weather we’re having.”

The guy at the fountain turned around presenting Luz with the bouquet of daisies. “You must be Lady Luz,” he said, dipping his head. “I’m Nehemiah, an altar boy of Father Adegast. Come, I’ll show you where the church is.”

Taking the flowers, Luz gawked at the guy. He had a chiseled jaw and slicked-back hair. Moderately dressed in khakis and a button-down shirt, he had rolled up his sleeve to show off muscular forearms. Luz blushed thinking about how the rest of him must be ripped too. 

He started walking toward the far end of town as Luz murmured, “Yes, yes I did make the right choice.”

*****

King toddled down the alley, taking Eda to where they interacted with the weird old guy. “The dad or whatever was right back here.” 

He stumbled to a stop. “Eh? It wasn’t like this before.” 

The building looked like it aged several hundred years since he was last there. The white bricks were greyed and crumbling, none of the windows were intact, and the grass was dead.

“I don’t like this,” Eda commented. 

Driven on solely by their desire to find Luz, they went inside the decrepit building. Light got in through cracks in the ceiling, revealing broken furniture and rubble. On the ground, Eda found a pile of fine yellow powder that chilled her to her core. “Sulfur? Oh, I really don’t like this.”

*****

“Wow, Nehemiah, your turn away from a life of crime to follow the light of the Lord is so inspiring.” 

He put a hand over his heart. “Thank you, Luz. I hope you’ll join me in my pursuit of faith.” 

She chuckled, having to look away. “Oh ho, you’ll make a convert out of me yet.” 

She was enjoying Nehemiah’s company. And his looks, but she reassured herself that wasn’t the sole reason she was following him further into the woods. They were going to church together. And hopefully youth group. And maybe study dates… 

As they crossed a bridge, another person appeared. An older gentlemen with a carefree expression and a funny hat. “Brother Chris, look who I brought,” Nehemiah said warmly, putting a hand on the small of her back. 

She waved hello. “Hi Chris. I’m Luz.” 

“Luz!” Chris responded. “Father Adegast spoke highly of you.” 

Her face flushed. “He did?” 

Chris bobbed his head. “Yes, and he wanted me to give you something for allowing us the chance to see you in our congregation.” 

“What?” Luz replied, shaking her head. “No, you don’t have to…” 

She fell quiet as Chris pulled out a rosary out of his pocket. Well, not quite a rosary, she was well aware of what those looked like, but a beaded pendant with a cross. It was fine wood. Bowing her head, she let Chris put it around her neck. 

“Hey look, we match,” Nehemiah commented, pulling his pendant out from under his shirt. “Welcome to the club.” 

She held in a squeak as she caressed the cross around her neck. This feeling was everything she could ask for.

*****

Eda trampled through the underbrush, pushing aside branches with her staff and struggling keep up with her smaller companion. “Are you sure she came through here?” 

Crawling on all fours, King sniffed at the ground. He lifted his head, his horns slipping down over his forehead. “Yes,” he said, moving them back so he could see. He squinted ahead. “I can sense her spirit like sunbeams and naïve confidence.” 

They trekked onward, coming across a ghost town. Eda scanned the space for any sign of Luz or life. There was a sole person slumped over a fence. Hurrying over, Eda rolled the body over and gave her a shake. Her head lolled side to side, the half-opened eyes unfocused. 

“Hey, wake up you!” Eda shouted, patting her cheek. “What’ve you done to Luz? What’s your endgame?” 

The eyes snapped into focus, staring at the sky before rolling down to Eda. Her piercing glare gave Eda goosebumps. Then the body’s mouth dropped open. “You are two birds and I am the stone,” a hoarse voice declared, emanating from deep within the body. “Look ahead and find the soul I own.” 

Without another word, the limp body got caught flame. Eda staggered back, protecting her face with an arm. It burned down to ash in seconds. King gasped. “The woman immolated!” 

Lowering her arm, Eda huffed. “It’s a trap. They want us to go after Luz.” 

King looked up at her, a worried expression crossing his face. “So, what’re we going to do?”

*****

Luz held both of Esther’s hands, awkwardly shaking them as she said, “Thank you for the meal, Esther.”

“Oh you’re welcome,” the sweet little lady responded. 

Beaming, Esther reached behind her to present Luz with a wicker basket. “Here, have this bread. Take it home to your family.” 

There was a pang in Luz’s chest. Eda mocked her for wanting to visit all these people, and they turned out to be amazing and kind. She took the cliché basket with the tea-towel-wrapped bread, holding it loosely with one hand. “They’ll appreciate the homemade food. Thanks again.” 

“It’s nothing, my dear. Go in peace.” 

“Uh, you too. Go in peace.” 

Esther waved goodbye as the trio left her aesthetic woodland cottage. She lived out here by the church, tending to a flock of fluffy sheep and scrounging for wild herbs. It sounded amazing, and Luz already promised to visit again to help shear the sheep for summer.

Luz hugged the basket to her chest, practically trembling with joy. “Wow, you guys are all so nice! And friendly! And willingly to listen to me ramble about my niche interests!” 

“I don’t know what manga is,” Chris replied. “But it sounds fascinating!” 

“See? Like that!” Luz responded, walking backwards in front of them. “You all are so great. I wish this day never had to end!” 

“You haven’t even seen the best part,” Nehemiah said. 

“Right! The church,” she said, spinning around to skip forward. “And the congregation. Eee! I’m so excited to meet them. I’ll have to thank the Father for being so kind to reach out to me.” 

And then, they were in front of the church. It was conventional with a steepled roof and a cross adorning it. Exactly what Luz saw in the picture. She skipped right up to the door before noticing that Chris and Nehemiah stopped a few meters away. She pointed at the door, asking, “Are you guys not coming inside?” 

“You go on ahead,” Nehemiah called. “We’ve got a surprise to work on. Oh, and don’t tell them I mentioned the surprise.” 

Luz laughed. They were so sweet. “Okay. See you soon, friends. Go in peace!” 

“Go in peace,” they echoed. 

Luz stepped inside the church. It looked as majestic on the inside as it did on the outside. The stained glass windows cast iridescent light across the walls and floors. She was surprised to find that the room was completely empty but assumed everyone would arrive soon for service. 

At the end of the carpeted aisle was a grand altar; it was wood, like the pews, but covered in a white cloth. Atop it was a golden chalice and a matching platter. And above it all loomed a cross big enough for a person. 

Luz approached the altar, nervously kneeling before it. Holding the basket in her lap, she want it to serve as a little barrier between her and true vulnerability. She looked up at the wooden cross hanging on the wall; red light was cast on its center. “Uh hi, God,” she starting before coughing. “It’s me, Luz. I… just wanted to say thank you.” 

She fidgeted with the handle of the basket, keeping it close to her chest. “I’ve tried to make friends before, and it never stuck, so coming here and finding all these people who want to spend time with me, knowing that I’m not as alone as I thought…”

Grinning, she shook her head and tried to get to the point, “Well, thanks. Gosh praying is weird- it’s like all those one-sided conversations I have in my head, but I don’t know what the other person is thinking. Do you think, God? Do you even need to think if you know everything? How does being omniscient works? Is it like-”

She clamped her mouth shut as laughter rung through the church. She whirled her head around to see Adegast. “Ah, Father!” she said, breaking into a smile. “So good to see you!” 

He walked down the aisle, stopping beside her. “You as well,” he replied. “And you’re in prime position for communion.” 

Luz’s hand dropped to the carpet, ready to propel her upright. “Don’t I need to study beforehand? Or convert?” 

“No,” Adegast answered before stepping up onto the dais. He walked behind the altar and leaned against it. “Our church is rather lax when it comes to those rules. All you need to do is bow your head.” 

He waited for her to comply before adding, “And wish your old world goodbye.” 

Luz’s head popped up. “What?”

*****

Eda cut the chase short, knowing that time was of the essence. She got King on Art and took off before explaining her reasoning, “I wasn’t sure at first, but with the sulfur and self-immolating Susan, it’s got to be him.”

Riding just above the tree line, she scanned the forest for the church building. “We had a scuffle a few years back. He’s a puppeteer, a demon who specializes in scamming and manipulating people. He’s going to suck out Luz’s soul.” 

King kicked his feet in the air while holding the staff. “Yeah, and we’re flying right into that situation without a plan, hurray!” 

Off in the distance, Eda could make out a pointy roof. “Well, we’re a little short on time,” she replied curtly. She patted Artyael. “So Art can you pick it up?”

*****

Looking up at the priest became difficult as the pendant on her neck transformed into lead. The oversized weight dragged down her head and shoulders. From there, she watched the basket in her hand changed into chains, binding her wrists.

“How did you do that?” Luz asked with mounting worry. “Father, what’s this about?” 

Adegast scoffed. “Father, father, father,” he repeated, his disgust evident in how he spat the word. “I’m not a father. I’m not even a priest!” 

Luz gasped. Eda was right all along. It was a ploy to get her alone in the middle of nowhere. “So you are just some creep who got a bunch of frien-” 

“You mean these guys?” 

Her friends lurched into the church, hollow-eyed and limp. They seemed to have something attached to their backs, propping them up like corpses on pikes. “What did you do to them?” Luz asked, hardly noticing the tentacles coming from him. 

She faced the people as they walked down the aisle towards her. “Don’t worry guys,” she shouted. “I’ll save you!”

“Don’t you see? I am everybody, you fool! You’ve been duped!” 

In a puff of smoke, the man disappeared; his true form emerged: an oversized octopus with yellow bulbous eyes. Luz stared in horror. She didn’t think creatures like this existed in the Valley. “What are you? Why are you doing this?” 

He raised two tentacles tapping them together, and his sinister smile pressed against his chubby cheeks. “The answers to both are connected. Because I’m a hungry demon.” 

“Oh God.” 

Adegast laughed, propelling himself over the altar. “He can’t help you,” he responded, patting her head. “But I won’t eat you yet. I’m waiting for a few other morsels to arrive.” 

Luz cringed away from his touch before sputtering, “Psh, you think someone would follow me? You’re delusional. No one cares enough about me to do that, especially not Eda.” 

A kick sent the church doors slamming against their walls. “Adegast!” 

“Aw heck.” 

Hanging her head, Luz didn’t need to turn around to know who had arrived. Adegast brushed past Luz, clapping some spare tentacles. “Eda the Owl Lady, I have you now!” 

Eda put up her hands, not putting up a fight as the demon grabbed her and King. “That’s right,” she managed, the tentacle constricting her lungs. “You have me. Now release Luz.” 

“I didn’t need to be a part of this!” King complained, wrestling against his restraints. 

Adegast pulled Eda closer. “I don’t think she wants to go. After all, all her friends are here.” He twisted around to address Luz, “Don’t you want to stay with your community, the place you belong?” 

With that question, smokes swarmed around Luz. She coughed and blinked. The church was obscured with fog and darkness, save for the altar. The bindings were gone, but the memory of them left a shadow of sensation on her arms and neck. Gripping her bag, she stood and looked around. 

Out of the smoke, Nehemiah approached her. His smile was bright but uncanny. “Stay with us, Luz. Stay with the church. We need you here. You’re a part of us.” 

Esther appeared beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Yeah, you can join us for potlucks.” 

“And on Wednesdays, there’s Bible Study,” Chris added, joining the others. 

Nehemiah stepped closer, a hand reaching out to cup her arm. A pained expression wrinkled his forehead. “Luz, why would you want to live in a world where people don’t care about you? Where they laugh at you or turn their noses up? Wouldn’t you want to stay here?”

Luz glanced at the red-tinged cross. “It is beautiful here.” 

Far off, she could hear Eda shouting but the words were distorted; it was like Eda was trying to talk from underwater. Luz couldn’t process it, focused more on the friendly people in front of her. “And you guys think I’m great.” 

The cross started to glow. Luz clenched her fists. “But it’s not real.” 

She slammed Nehemiah with her clasped fists. She was stunned to find the weights were still there as he fell to the ground. The smoke cleared, and the bindings vanished with a pop.

Luz faced Adegast, drawing her sword. “These people aren’t my friends. The only two I have are in danger, and the rest I’ll have to earn the hard way. I trusted you, Adegast. Now feel my wrath.” 

She stabbed Nehemiah in the chest, piercing the tentacle underneath. She winced at the sight, but the teen faded into fog before an impression could be left in her mind. Luz raised the sword before turning to Esther. Running through her, she disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Adegast screamed. 

His grip loosened, and Eda escaped. With Art in hand, she bopped Chris out of existence and stomped on another one of Adegast’s limbs. It popped, causing Adegast to recoiling in pain.

Low on tentacles and ideas, Adegast fled down the aisle, holding King close to him. “Don’t come any closer or the kid gets it.” 

Luz dropped her sword, scowling at the floor. “King, I’m sorry. I should’ve trusted you when you said this guy was bad news. He’s no priest. He’s just a big, slimy jerk!” 

She kicked it, sending it flying into Adegast’s head. 

Dropping King, he wailed and thrashed. He scrambled to remove the sword as his flesh burst into flames. He pried it out, too late to quell the inferno. The sword clattered on the carpet before Eda and Luz. 

Nothing remained of Adegast except a charred mark and a pile of sulfur.

Eda picked up the sword, swinging it over her shoulder. “Well, that’s the last time I take an outside referrals,” she declared before nudging Luz with an elbow. “Alright, kid let’s head home.” 

Luz sighed. “Okay.”

Frowning at Luz’s lackluster response, Eda walked over to check on King. He was fine, just grumpy that he was held hostage for the fourth time this year. After a moment, Luz shrugged her bag higher on her shoulder and followed. They all boarded Artyael and took off.

Once the church was out of sight, Eda broached the subject. “Kid, you know you aren’t alone, right? You have us, no matter what.” 

Luz threw up her hands. “Then why were you so mean earlier?” 

Eda groaned. “We weren’t trying to-” 

“Yes I was!” King interjected. “Stupid choices are funny!” 

“Not helping,” Eda said before staring out at the horizon where the sun was setting. “Here in the valley, things aren’t so clear cut. People will put on the friendliest faces while sharpening the knife they intend to put in your back. And vice versa, people who mock you will defend you when you aren’t around. Life is complicated.” 

Luz mimicked her, looking off into the distance. “I’ll say.” 

Putting on a smile, Eda bumped her with an elbow. “But you don’t have to go through it alone,” she reassured. “We may tease, but we mean well. One day, you’ll figure out the fakes from the friends, but for now you can trust us.” 

Luz laid her head on Eda’s shoulder. “I think I can do that.”


	4. Chapter Three: Almost an Angel

“Well, Luz,” Eda said, gesturing proudly to the thing before them. “Did you ever think you see something as breathtaking as this?” 

Luz stared at the massive demon corpse stuck within a bubbling pit of what she hoped was mud. “I don’t like this.”   
Eda nodded, not caring about Luz’s response. “Yes, it’s doesn’t get more inspiring than a mammon muckraker. It makes a life for itself from things people throw by the wayside until urk,” she clutched her throat as if suffocating. “It chokes on a prize too big to swallow. And then we get to sell all the stuff in it.” 

Eda approached the felled beast, sinking calf deep into the muck; she held a pickaxe over her head to avoid getting gunk on it. Luz thought the muckraker was gross, looking like a mammoth olive-colored slug. Its beady orange eyes were sunken in yet felt like they were peering into Luz’s soul.

She shuddered. “Please don’t make me.” 

“Aw come on, Luz,” King commented. “It’s not every day you get to trudge in muck and pick apart a garbage carcass.” 

King had shed his onesie for the occasion, mostly so he could play in the mud without ruining it. From what Luz could tell, he was trying to make a castle of mud on the solid ground beside the pit.

Eda huffed. “Aw, nuts to you both.” 

Luz flinched as Eda brought down the axe. Risking a glance, Luz was relieved that she couldn’t see any of the gore as Eda dug around in the pile of spilt “treasures.” Eda bent down, out of Luz’s view, and Luz looked at her shoes.

She had been in the Boiling Valley for a week now, but not much had happened. Aside from the demon trying to indoctrinate her into a cult to eat her soul or the heist for a toy that took place in a prison, Luz hadn’t done anything to progress her towards her goals. She was mostly hawking goods with the best of them and running from guards.

And this. As Eda tossed a metal shield onto the shore, Luz tried to bring it up, “So, Eda… What if we tried a new less- er, a lesson for my apprenticeship? Like… telling me how miracles work and what prayers to say, or I don’t know, showing me one by purging the muck?” 

“Ugh,” she responded, rolling her eyes. “That sounds like school stuff.” 

Luz perked up, waving her hands. “Wait, is there a school here? One that teaches that stuff- a legit Christian school?” 

“Mmhmm,” Eda replied, standing up and examining a chalice in the sunlight. “And what’s worse is they teach you the ‘proper’ way to pray and believe and act.” 

She tossed the cup into the muck before diving back in. “But that’s not what miracles are about. It’s about your connection with Him,” she practically spat the name. “I didn’t finish school and look at me! Who wouldn’t envy where I am right now?” 

She reemerged with a severed arm covered in bangles and a fist-sized gemstone. Luz couldn’t even look her in the eyes to disagree. Eda’s shoulder sagged ever so slightly. Setting the things aside, she plucked a small item from the pile.

“Hey, here’s a lesson.” Eda trudged through the mud to get to Luz. “God is everywhere, and in everything, and because of that, there is beauty in everything.” 

Taking Luz’s hand, she put something in her palm, and Luz resists the urge to wrinkle her nose. When Eda moved back her hand, Luz got to see what she was touching- a oily, off-colored orb. Forcing a smile, she commented, “A greasy slime ball? Thanks.” 

“Now, back at it!” Eda declared, lifting her knees high to turn around. “We’ll figure out what got its goat first.” 

Luz tucked the slime ball into her pocket before wiping her hand off on the back of her shorts. “Actually if it’s okay,” she started, pointing behind her with her thumbs. “I think I’ll head home and look at pictures of animals that are still alive.” 

Luz went over to King. His little mud castle was almost as tall as he was sitting down, and it looked like he had decided to add a moat. Luz patted the top of his head, cooing, “Love you, King. My little muddy buddy.” 

“More for me then,” Eda said with a shrug.

As Luz left, another pickaxe strike echoed through the trees. After a few minutes of walking, the noise of Eda hacking and scrounging vanished entirely, and she could be alone with her thoughts. 

This wasn’t literally like anything she had been expecting. She still read her bible every night, but Eda never mentioned it. When Luz tried to ask her what she liked about the faith or what her routine was, how often she prayed, or went to church, or almsgiving, anything- Eda would laugh and tell her a weird anecdote. Like the time Art brought back somebody’s drivers’ license or when someone tried to pay her with communion wafers. 

Funny stories, but that didn’t exactly build up her faith. Luz scuffed her shoes.   
“Ugh, if being a Christian is pillaging corpses and collecting junk, maybe I don’t have the stomach for it.” 

“You can do it! You can!” 

Spine straightening, Luz looked around for the origin of the sound. “Mysterious voice of encouragement?”

Luz headed towards a clearing. She ducked behind a bush when she saw another person walking about. “No! Little Christian girl!”

The girl was short but around her age, with a tidy black bob. She had round glasses that she would keep pushing back up her nose as she moved. It was obvious to Luz that she was wearing a school uniform, hence the blue plaid skirt with a hem below her knees and wooly blazer, which meant the girl must go to that school Eda was talking about. 

Tempted to approach her and introduce herself, Luz hung back knowing now was not a good time. Whenever someone was pacing and talking to themselves alone in the woods, it was best to leave them be. The wheelbarrow with a clay cauldron didn’t bode well either. 

“You can do it,” the girl repeated, gesturing with her hands. “Even if you get a bad grade, it’s not a reflection of your faith.” 

She stood straight, stomping a foot. Her pep talk seemed to be working. “And my parents are right! This denomination has more sensible metaphysics. I’ll be happier once I get over this hurdle. Now, get to school!” 

She whirled about to point, incidentally stepping on a flower. Her confident expression crumbled. “Oh no, little friend! I’m so sorry.”

Kneeling before the flower, she folded her hands in prayer. “Forgive me, Lord, for I have trespassed. As you have raised Lazarus, raise my fragile friend. For you are the resurrection and life.” 

The flower sprung back to life, taking on a brighter hue. Luz gasped in delight. The little Christian girl could do miracles just like Eda, so they really did teach that at schools.

As the girl was tending to the flower, a new figure strolled into the clearing. She was pushing a wheelbarrow, but her amber eyes were glued to the book propped up between the handles. She almost wheeled completely past the first girl before spotting her. The wheelbarrow came to a sudden stop. 

“Willow!” she greeted with a small smile. “Wow. You are so unnoticeable that I almost rolled into you.” 

She chuckled at her own joke as Willow stood. “Hi, Amity.” 

Amity wore the same uniform as Willow. Her chin-length brown hair was half put up, which only drew more attention to her huge forehead and expressive face. “Shouldn’t you be getting to class early to…” she trailed off, reading Willow’s expression and glancing at her wheelbarrow. She smirked. “Oh, you don’t have anything to show do you?” 

“School drama!” 

To Luz, this had more than the makings of drama; it teetered towards passive aggressive bullying. She didn’t know the Willow girl, but she kind of wanted to step in before it got any worse. Then again, she’d be outing herself as a snoop if she did. And it might only make things worse for Willow in the long run. So, Luz stayed hidden behind her bush. 

Amity shook her head, a pitying hand supporting her chin. “This is why people don’t think you’re really a Christian.” 

Willow cringed, pulling the lapel of her blazer up around her neck. Amity opened her mouth to say something else when the lid of her container rattled. “Looks like someone wants to say something to you,” she said, removing the lid. “Angel, arise.” 

Luz gasped as a glowing entity emerged from the cauldron. The light faded to reveal a human-like being covered in ash; it seemed too scrawny to be a real human, lacking the space for proper lungs or organs, but it could move and speak just fine. “For we walk by faith, not by sight,” the beast murmured, tracing a cross on Willow’s forehead.

It left an ashen mark behind. “Thank you, Eli,” Amity said, staring down Willow. “Such wise insight.” 

Luz knew that was catty even if it looked polite on the surface. The angel retreated into its cauldron as Amity stepped closer to Willow. It was then Luz spotted a gold broach on Amity’s lapel; it was a little crucifix that Amity touched as she talked, “As top student, it’s my duty to tell you to keep at it! Even you could get a passing grade, someday.”

Turning around, Amity put the lid back on her cauldron. She began to wheel it away as she called, “See you in class! Oh, and don’t be a goat!” 

She walked away, not waiting for Willow to respond. Willow faked a smile until she was out of sight. “’Don’t be a goat!’” she mimicked before huffing, “Ugh, I hate when she says that.”

Luz didn’t get it, but it sounded like an insult. Willow seemed right to be upset, even if she was taking it a bit overboard. Wiping the ash off on her sleeve, she plodded back to her wheelbarrow. “I hate that I can’t summon a guardian angel! I hate getting bad grades for that! I hate that I’m not allowed to be angry about it!” 

She stomped, and the earth shook. Taken by surprise, Luz flopped to the ground with a yelp. Looking up, she panicked as she made eye contact with a glaring Willow.

*****

“Not a bad haul,” Eda declared, slinging a heavy sack over her shoulder. “And best of all, the oviduct was loaded. I can pawn off these little garbage grubbers to all those avaricious adversaries.” 

She hauled herself out of the muck. With a little prayer, the mud melted away from her clothes and shoes, leaving them as good as new. King didn’t look up from his masterpiece to snark, “Ah, lose student, gain garbage eggs. Fair trade.” 

Scoffing, Eda responded, “I didn’t lose anything.” 

King got up, adding a leaf to the top of his castle. He smiled at it before smashing it with his pudgy hands. “If you don’t teach Luz right, then you will,” he said before climbing atop the ruins. “And that’s when I come in, make her my student.” 

“Ha! And what would you teach?” she asked, poking his tummy. “How to look cute in a onesie?” 

“That’s a trick question, only I look cute in onesies,” King said, then remembering the question, “No! I’d teach her about angels, their hierarchy, how to control them, so we can raise an army and take over this world!” 

Eda put a hand on her hip. “And this is after everyone gets a onesies, right? How’s that going to work when most angels are balls of fire?” 

King glared, wagging a finger at her. “You think you’re so smart. Well, why don’t we make a little bet, so I can prove that I’d make a better teacher.” 

Smirking, Eda reached into her hair to grab their bets book. She took her time flipping to an unused page, her amusement growing with each passing page marked in her favor. “Okay, but I’m obligated to remind you that I only use our bets to utterly humiliate you. And that you’ve never won.” 

“I like those odds.” 

Eda dug into her bag, pulling out soft-shelled orange egg. “It’s no angel, but if you can train this muckraker to be your loyal soldier in one day, you prove you’re the better teacher. Then Luz is all yours. But if you can’t, I change your name to… Widdle Baby.” 

Squatting down, she presented him with a fresh page. A dashed line waited his mark as he contemplated her punishment for losing. “Well, when you lose, you’ll… have to wear a shame hat! And live in a shed! And never come into the Owl House again! Ha!” 

With that decided, he slapped his muddy hand on the page. Standing up, she signed it as well. “Deal.” 

Eda put away the book and tossed him the egg. He floundered trying to catch it, and the egg cracked open on the ground. The little slimy slug slithered out, causing King to pick him up with the grace of a toddler grabbing a full-grown cat lest the newborn escape him entirely.

*****

Willow’s eyes went wide with worry. Rage abated, Willow hurried over to see if Luz is okay. “Oh, are you alright?” she asked, offering Luz a hand. “I’m so sorry! Wrath only leads to destruction.” 

“I’m fine,” Luz said as Willow pulled her to her feet. “Besides, ‘God is a righteous judge, a god who displays wrath every day.’ If God can be mad and righteously so, then so can you.” 

Willow gave her an odd look before pulling her closer. Her inquisitive gaze shifted to one of surprise as she realized. “Oh! You’re mortal! This is astounding!” 

“Ah,” Luz squeaked, tucking herself into her hoodie. 

Clutching Luz’s hand with both of hers, she leaned in to catch Luz’s eye hidden from sight. “How’d you get here? What are you doing here?” 

Willow’s attitude changed as bells chimed in the distance. “I’m sorry, I can’t stay,” she said, letting go and backing away. “I have to go disappoint my teacher. It was nice meeting you, mortal.” 

“Wait!” Luz said, lowering her hood. “I’m Luz. You’re Willow, right? What you did with that flower and just now. It was… wow.” 

She smiled faintly before turning away, “Thanks, but I’m not supposed to be performing miracles like that. My family are part of the angel denomination, so that’s what I’m learning at school.” 

Closing the distance, Luz pressed her quivering hands to her sides. “Like Christian school? That’s so cool! I’m so jealous,” she rambled before her excitement diminished. “I have a teacher, but her lessons are a bit untraditional. I bet she wouldn’t even let me enroll. Man, I wish I could spend one day there.” 

Willow nodded, commiserating, “I wish I could get a passing grade once. Then people would stop saying I don’t belong.” 

“Hey wait. I know how we can both get what we want.” 

Luz looked around- shiny, shiny, she needed something shiny. Or… she stuck her head inside the cauldron, finding what she wanted. She slapped that ash on her face and torso. “Make me your guardian angel!” she declared, suppressing a cough. “I’ll get you a good grade, and you can get me into school. It’s fiendishly clever.” 

Willow’s jaw dropped. “What?” 

“I saw that girl’s thing,” Luz said, pointing to where Amity was with her cauldron. “It’s just a dirty person who quotes the Bible. I can quote the bible, and I’m dirty!” 

Willow stared at her for a moment before giggling. “That’s true. Okay,” she conceded, holding out her hand. “It’s a deal, Luz.” 

“This is a great plan.” 

They shook hands before Willow pulled her hand away with a grimace. It was covered in grime. “Oops, mysterious ash,” Luz said awkwardly, placing her hands on her hips. “Heh, heh, still a great plan.”

With a plan in place, they hurried to get to school on time. Luz clambered into the cauldron, grumbling as Willow shut her in. Then came the jostling when Willow picked up the wheelbarrow. Luz was impressed she could lift her considering how tiny she was. 

They set off at a brisk pace, bumping their way through pebbles and twigs. Luz hugged her knees and shut her eyes, pretending that this was some weird amusement ride. And when she emerged she would be at the school of her dreams.

She knew that they were getting close when the rumblings stopped. They were rolling on pavement. Drumming her fingers along the inside of the pot, Luz couldn’t contain her excitement.

Tapping on the lid, Willow announced, “Welcome to Hexside School of Prayers and Miracles. Remember to stay hidden, okay?” 

Luz pushed the lid open a smidgeon. Giggling, she gawked at the school. It was more like a castle than a school; it had tidy turrets and columns marking the grand entrance, and best of all, its central tower was capped with a bell that looked like it belonged in Notre Dame.

Willow wheeled her inside, past the inviting foyer towards a side hallway. Luz spotted a familiar feature, lockers, though these were a calming blue unmarked by graffiti. They stopped by a particular one. In place of a conventional numbering system, there was a Bible verse- Gen 1:28. 

As Willow fetched some textbooks from her locker, another student walked up, his nose in a magazine. Willow’s friend went without a blazer, opting instead for an argyle sweater vest, untucked because he was cool. “Hmm,” he hummed in disbelief before slapping his magazine shut. “Willow, you will not believe mortals!” 

Her bugged-out eyes immediately went to her cauldron. Luz was hidden, so she tried to act casual. “Mortals?” she asked, leaning against the wheelbarrow. “Psh. I haven’t seen any. Wha-at?” 

Her friend didn’t notice as he flipped to a specific page. Turning it around, he showed her a picture of an oversized mouth fenced in by shining metal. “Did you know that they nail barbed wire to their kids’ teeth?” But why? Maybe to make them… penitent?” 

Luz snorted, commenting, “Actually, it’s a corrective measure like glasses.” 

Her mother wasn’t a nurse for nothing, but it wasn’t the time. Luz clapped a hand over her mouth as Willow knocked on the cauldron. Standing up, Willow held up a finger. “Okay, Augustus. I’m going to tell you something. But you have to be cool.” 

“I can be spool,” he said eagerly before stuttering to correct himself. “I- I mean cool.” 

Not encouraging, but Willow wasn’t going to hide something that Augustus was going to love. “Okay, Angel arise.” 

Luz sent the lid flying while jumping out of the cauldron. Landing in a squat, she sprung up and did some jazz hands. “Tada! I’m an angel!” 

Stomping her foot, Willow said, “Luz, that’s not how angels act!” 

Beside her, Augustus was starstruck. “No, no, it couldn’t be.” 

“He’s the president of the Mortal and Modern Appreciation Society,” Willow explained. “Most people wouldn’t be able to recognize a mortal right away. But Augustus is an expert.” 

Stepping closer, he peered at the edges of her face. “Where is your aura?” 

Luz waved a hand, looking to Willow. “I knew an Augustus back in my world. We called him Gus.” 

Willow frowned. “Nicknames are not of Go-” 

“Gus? Nickname? Mortal nickname?” He was freaking out, patting his face and waving his hands. “Gus? Call me it. Wow. Gus. This is the best day of my life.” 

The bells chimed. “I’ve got to get to literacy class,” Gus said, heading off. “See you guys at lunch!” 

Willow and Luz waved goodbye before Willow turned to Luz. “All right,” Willow said, pointing to the pot. “Into the darkness you go.” 

Clambering in, Luz hissed as she sank into the cauldron’s depths.

*****

King and Eda agreed that the muckraker’s training would take place outside; they didn’t need any more slime staining the carpets of the Owl House. Yet, Eda dragged a lawn chair and magazine out to watch the disaster that was taking place. 

“Aw, who’s a good Prince Junior? Who’s a good guy?” 

King’s strategy seemed to be food, lots of it, and constant compliments. He seemed to have forgot to teach Prince Jr. any tricks that would facilitate getting rewarded. He just waved dog bones above the muckraker’s head and delighted when the beast jumped for them. The baby demon grew with every morsel.

Eda decided it’d be nice to give a little nudge of help. “Hey, Widdle Baby,” she called. “You’re not going to teach it anything doing that.” 

“It’s call positive reinforcement, Eda. And it works wonders.” 

King crossed his arms, pouting. Prince Jr. stole a treat from his hand, and King’s shocked expression became triumphant. “Haha see?” he said. “Now watch this. Prince Junior, attack Eda! Knock over her drink! Mess up her hair!” 

Prince Jr. didn’t move from King’s side, his fleshy mandibles nibbling on King’s onesie while he waited for more food. Eda sipped her drink for a long while before saying, “Oh no. Please stop.” 

Throwing a treat for Prince Jr. to fetch, King hit her where he knew it’d hurt. “Well, I haven’t seen your student in forever. For all we know, she’s not even loyal to you anymore. Might even have stumbled into another demon.” 

“You wish,” she replied, scoffing. Eda looked out into the woods, a hand on her chin. “But yeah. Where is she?”

*****

The angel class wasn’t all too different from an art class; the students presented their pieces to the class and the teacher. Yet the diminutive professor took it in a stricter direction like the world’s most unlikeable art critic. An absolute nitpicker. 

“Hmm,” the teacher grumbled from atop his desk. “Too much sparkle in unexpected places. Fail. Pathetic!” 

The angel did look like it rolled through the glitter section of a crafts store. It was pretty, but the teacher didn’t seem to care. As the student returned to their seat, he launched into a diatribe, “The biggest failure is all of you! If the next angel is a failure, everyone gets extra homework for a month!” 

Students mumbled their discontent, but no one complained loud enough for the teacher to hear. He scanned the room for student who hadn’t presented yet. “And the next one to come up is-” 

“Excuse me, sir,” Amity interrupted while standing and raising her hand. “But I am ready to present my angel. Eli, appear!” 

Instead of rising out of the cauldron, her angel appeared as a blazing fire before the classroom. It glowed golden yellow with a white core; it reminded Luz of those renaissance paintings, where holy people had solid gold halos. The way it moved and acted was overly human, extraordinarily human. It bowed to the professor.

“Wow.” The teacher chuckled before chiding lightheartedly, “I always save the best for last, Amity. You’ll have to wait your turn. How about… Willow.” 

“Not the goat,” a student grouched.

“Great, homework for a month,” said another. 

Willow sunk into her blazer. Luz pushed her lid open a little further, telling Willow, “Don’t listen to them, Willow. We can do this.” 

With that encouragement, Willow wheeled her cauldron to the front of the classroom. Her nervousness shone through with her squeaky command, “Uh, angel a-rise.” 

Luz punched the lid off before hopping out with a twirl. Once out, she stood very still, awaiting another directive. The students gasped, and Willow got a handle on her nerves, saying, “Angel, bow.” 

She tried to imitate the inhuman smoothness of Amity’s angel, bowing as gracefully as she could. The professor grinned and nodded. “Very impressive. But does it speak?” 

Luz wracked her brain to find the perfect quote for a guardian angel. She fell back on Luke. Dipping her head to Willow, she recited, “Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy; and nothing shall by any means hurt you.” 

Applauding, the professor commented, “Splendid determination. Truly this is a worthy angel. A plus.” 

Out of thin air, an angel appeared to mark Luz’s forehead in red ink. It scribbled a tidy “A+” before vanishing. Students cheered while Amity scowled, leaning back in her seat.

Class was over before Luz knew it, and Willow was wheeling Luz out of the classroom. The professor followed her out. “Wonderful work today, Willow,” he said, beaming. “Looks like we have a new top student.” 

His angel took a little Cross badge off Amity’s lapel much to her halted protest, “But-” 

It glided over to pin it onto Willow’s lapel, who likewise was confused. Grateful, but uncomfortable with the situation. “Uh, thank you, sir, but I don’t think-” 

“Ah, ah,” he tutted as the angel faded away. “I shan’t hear a word against it. Take pride in your accomplishments.” 

Willow smiled to herself, looking down at the intricately crafted crucifix. She turned around to pick up her wheelbarrow and leave. Amity stood in her way, chilling her with a glare. “Hey.” 

Willow did a double take, checking back where Amity was a second ago. She seemed to have teleported. Amity stepped closer. “Last time I saw you, you didn’t even have an angel in your jar,” she said, her eyes narrowing. “What did you do?” 

Trying not to back away or look suspicious, Willow answered, “I, uh, took your pep talk to heart, Amity, and prayed real hard for guidance.” 

“I bet you did. I got my eyes on you, Willow,” she threatened, looming over Willow. “‘The lip of truth shall be established forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment.’ That badge is mine.” 

She walked away, her eyes fixed on Willow. As she turned a corner, Willow let out a sigh. “Uh-oh, I think Amity is onto us.”

*****

When her worry became too much to sit with, Eda went to talk to Hooty. “Have you seen Luz?” 

“I heard her tiny mouse feet walking close by,” he answered somewhat helpfully, which came as a surprise to Eda. “Or that might’ve been some mice. Anyway, someone started moving in that direction.” 

He hooted, his beak sticking out, as Eda stared. “Are you trying to point or…” 

“Look at the weathervane!” 

Eda backed up to see it and paled. “But the only thing that way is the-” 

She interrupted herself with a gasp. Repeatedly shouting no, she ran off. The only thing that way was the school. Taking the path she somehow knew by heart, she got there in minutes. She burst through the trees, appearing meters from a classroom window. 

She poked her head in to see a class of elementary schoolers. Their teacher stood over the class gathered on the carpet and said, “Okay, everyone. Recite the books of the Bible.” 

The class complied, replying, “Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers—” 

“No, blind obedience!” 

She hurried to the next window. It was older class, and in the back, she saw Luz. Covered in ash and sitting in a pot, she happily wrote on a paper as the teacher talked. “Alright class, what were the 95 theses and why did Luther write them? I expect a five paragraph essay by the end of class.” 

“No! Pointless busywork!” 

A meaningless essay had ensnared her student. Eda threw her fists in the air. “No! Why! School!”

*****

After a few classes, Willow brought Luz to the cafeteria. They sat with Gus, who packed his own lunch. He pulled out a sandwich before asking, “Hey, do mortals eat PB&J’s?” 

Luz’s eyes went wide with want. Eda didn’t know how to cook, and what she did know looked like nightmare food from the fifties. Glorified rice, snickers salad, green goop- the only thing Luz could say about them was they all somehow included whipped cream, and they were absolutely inedible.

Luz had to wonder how Eda got this far in life.

“Oh my gosh,” she said, salivating. “I haven’t eaten decent food in so long. Please give me some.” 

Gus tore his sandwich in half, offering Luz one piece. Leaning forward, she bit it and dragged it into the safety of her cauldron. Willow watched with worry. “I don’t know, Gus. If Amity saw that-” 

Amity slammed on the table. “I saw that! Angels don’t eat!” 

Diving for the cauldron, she shouted, “I know you’re in there! You can’t hide from me.” 

She reached in, pulling a limp Luz out. “What are you?” she demanded, shaking her. “Who are you? I want answers!” 

“Amity Blight,” a stern voice said.

Like snapped out of trance, Amity looked up. “Huh?” 

For some reason, the angel professor was there, clicking his tongue and shaking his head. “I suspected a twinge of jealousy. ‘Envy rots the bones,’ don’t you know?” 

He suspected it? Then why didn’t he intervene sooner or talk to Amity about the pitfalls of jealousy? Luz didn’t appreciate being manhandled. But it was impressive how strong these valley girls were. Though Amity looked a tad unhinged as she stared into Luz’s soul.

“But I- No! Look at it,” she responded, holding Luz a little higher for him to see. Luz’s head sagged with the motion. “If it was an angel, then-” 

“I don’t want to hear it,” the professor interjected, pointing to the door. “Report to Reverend Bump’s office now.” 

Amity released Luz, climbing off the cafeteria table. She ran out of the room, her head hung shame.

*****

“Roll over!” King ordered as the muckraker did nothing. He fed the beast anyways. “Yes! Heel! Yes, yes!”

Running around, he shouted more commands. Prince Junior, now the size of a car, followed him with ease, picking up the treats as King dropped them. Eda walked back to her house, her shoulders slumped. King spotted her, sliding to a stop. “So, did you find your runaway student?” 

There was a pause as he stared at her. “By your expression, I can tell Luz has gone and found herself someplace else to learn… Which means I have won!”   
King threw his hands up in triumph, sending treats flying. Prince squirmed around to collect them while wagging his tail. “Yes, great, you won,” she said, sounding like a sore loser. “You have a giant soldier thing, and I have nothing. Congrats!” 

“Oh, Eda. Don’t say that,” he responded, reaching out to pat her leg. “At least you have this!” 

He showed her the shame cone and cackled. She muttered things under her breath as she snatched it from his tiny hand. He pumped his fist. “I am so funny!” he declared, watching her retreat into the shed.

“Ah, well Prince Junior,” he said, facing the demon. “Training complete. Go forth! Make the world tremble at your fee- belly?” 

Prince Jr. didn’t respond, wriggling closer, so King repeated the command, less confident, “Go forth?” 

The beast growled, and King realized he wanted a treat. “Oh, right.” 

King reached for more treats and found the box empty. A feeling of dread and fear washed over him. He screamed as Prince loomed over him.

*****

Luz climbed out of the cauldron into the empty angel classroom. Stretching, she smiled at her friends. “Whoo! I am a sweaty little angel,” she commented before holding out a hand. “But now we don’t have to worry about Amity. High five!” 

The pair looked at each other confused. Luz gave herself a high five, explaining, “Slap my hand. It’s a mortal thing.” 

Gus did so, at first hesitantly, and then repeated it, gaining enthusiasm. “Oh, oh my,” he said, grinning. “Oh man, what a rush!” 

The door opened, and Luz froze. In walked the reverend, a man dressed in all black save for the white clergy collar; a red cross hung around his neck. Amity was a few steps behind him, a smug smirk marring her face. “Good afternoon, students,” he greeted. 

“Reverend Bump,” Willow replied, dipping her head. 

He was less interested in Willow and more interested in what she had “created.” “Hmm, so very lifelike,” he commented as he gripped Luz’s face and turned it from one side to another. “When Miss Blight told me about your angel, I had to come by, see what it’s made of. Angels can be made physical, but never has one of our students managed such a feat” 

“Oh,” Willow responded, digging into her pocket for a slip of paper. “Well, I have the prayer I used to summon her right here.” 

The reverend held up a hand. “No, we were hoping to examine it more in depth… First, we shall return it to fire.” 

He kissed his pendant, and a fire raged in the center of the room. It burned centimeters off the ground, leaving the tile floors intact. Smiling at Bump, Willow shuffled closer to Luz to mutter a question, “Mortals can’t walk into fire, right?” 

Luz vigorously shook her head. Bump gripped Luz’s bicep, pulling her towards the fire. 

“Wait, Reverend Bump! Uh, high five!” 

Gus slapped a cauldron, and like dominos, it sent several of them crashing open. Little fiery angels tumbled out. They collided with Bump’s flame, causing it to flare up in technicolor. While Bump was busy trying to quench the flame, Willow grabbed Luz’s arm and dragged her out of the room. 

“They’re getting away!” Amity shouted, pointing after the fleeing girls. 

“No, the intruder won’t get far.” 

Clutching his cross, he prayed, “Make a chain: for the land is full of bloody crimes, and the city is full of violence.” 

Luz took the lead as they ran through the halls. “I’m sorry, Willow. This is all my fault! And God forgive my deception. I should’ve never come here!” 

“No, it’s not,” Willow replied. “I’m the one who brought you here- I should’ve done the honest thing and got the bad grade.” 

Pulling Willow around a corner, Luz fought back against Willow’s negative self-talk. “Hey now, you’re a great student! You just can’t do the one thing they grade you on, which isn’t fair! Every man should be judged by their own merit- or girl.” 

Willow stopped running. “Thanks Luz, that means a lot,” she said with a soft smile. “You know, I wish you could stay.” 

Luz held her hand, longing to say the same. But the doors started slamming shut, chains covering them. “It’s looks like if I don’t leave now, you’ll get your wish. Permanently.”

*****

Eda moped in the shed. It was what she deserved. She didn’t take Luz’s needs and wants seriously, so she left. Sure, she’d probably return home after school, but it wouldn’t be the same. Eda had let her down.

Given the chance, she’d make things right. She’d start-

King burst into the shed before slamming the door behind him. Leaping into her arms, he tucked his head into her shoulder. “Ah! Help me, help me!” 

A smile formed on her face as she asked, “Trouble with your student?” 

Something slammed against the door, creating cracks in the thin wood. He nodded. “Yes, yes! My pride has deceived me!” 

“Are you sure you need my help?” she said, tapping her temple. “Maybe he only wants more of your brilliant lessons.” 

After another attack, the door splintered. The muckraker busted through the door, and its surrounding frame, to gun for King. It plucked him from Eda’s lap with its mandibles before dragging him away. 

“Please help me!” King begged, uselessly clawing at that ground. “You can call me Widdle Baby!”

Standing, she grabbed her staff. She charged and smacked Prince Junior on its head. It dropped King with a pained cry. It backed out of the shed, leaving a trail of slime behind. 

Running back to Eda, King clung to her leg. She patted his head before saying, “Okay, Widdle Baby, here’s what we’re going to do.” 

*****

Luz and Willow managed to sneak into the foyer, but the front doors were locked by the same mystical chains that barricaded the other doors. They were trapped. “What’re we going to do?” Luz asked, ducking behind a column. 

Willow joined her, leaning against the pillar. “We need a distraction or something. Bump can’t maintain that miracle forever. What do you got?” 

“Like in my pockets?” 

Luz pulled out a paper clip, lint, and the slime ball. “That’s it!” Willow exclaimed, taking the ball. 

“A greasy slime ball?” she asked, wondering if Willow was going to David and Goliath the situation. 

“Luz, it’s a seed! Thank God you had it on you.” 

“Why?” 

Willow placed the seed on her lap before bowing her head. “If there’s one miracle I can perform, it’s this. ‘And you blessed us and said unto us, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and subdue it,”’ 

It was a different prayer than her last one, but the seed reacted in a similar way, sprouting and spreading. It doubled, tripled, exponentially grew, covering every surface in sight with vines and blossoms.

“Wow, Willow.” 

Luz stared at the dense vinery that Willow had created. It was beautiful. Like the grace of God. A warmth flushed her chest. This was what Eda meant by her lesson earlier. God was in the minute details. Each leaf and blossom crafted by Them, flourishing through Them. Eda wasn’t some hack; she just experienced God differently than these people. The chains on the door vanished. 

“Good, let’s go,” Willow said, pulling Luz out of her stupor. 

“Not so fast!” Amity snapped, appearing from the vines with her red-tinged angel. “You aren’t getting away so easily! I want my badge!” 

“Have it! Like I care!” 

Willow chucked the badge the other way, and Amity gasped. “Careful, you’ll break his arm! He’s pure gold.” 

Luz snorted at that. Even if Amity was distracted, her angel wasn’t. It pursued the pair as they fled to the door. Putting herself between the angel and Luz, Willow called, “Get out of here, Luz!”

Jerking to a stop, Luz whirled around. “What? No way! We’re in this together.” 

Willow blocked the angel with her arms. “You aren’t a student here,” she said. “You have no idea what they’ll do to you. Now go!” 

Willow literally pushed her towards the door, causing her to stumble. Luz backed away, watching as Willow swung a fist through the angel; the principal was right when he said that students can’t make them physical. 

“I’m sorry, Willow. I’ll make this right, I promise!” Luz ran out the front door. 

She wracked her brain thinking of what she could do. Her mind jumped to the obvious question: what would Jesus do? Coming clean would be the best answer, but Willow’s words spooked her. Would the principal turn her over to the convertorium? The thought of returning to the damp, dark place made her skin crawl. 

Then it clicked. She should ask Eda. Her faith was unshakeable, wise, welcoming. She’d know what to do.

*****

“Alright,” Eda said, stuffing a few more things inside the onesie. “Let’s see if you trained him well enough to notice a decoy.” 

“Hey!” 

Eda dropped the lookalike lump outside the shed; it was a onesies filled with clothes and junk. Her plan wasn’t the best, but it was better than nothing.

It all depended on how big Prince Junior was, and how he ate. With how King raised him, Eda had a feeling that he swallowed his food whole. Peeking out of the door, she spotted Prince Jr. 

It zipped over to the stuffed onesie, thinking it was King. It tossed the onesie in the air before gulping it down. And gagging. 

Coughing, wriggling, convulsing, Prince Junior did all it could to get the lump out of its throat. It did eventually, spitting out the onesie with a shudder. After giving it a sniff, Prince Junior fled, shaken by its near death experienced. 

King cheered before turning to Eda, “You are washing those.” 

“Yeah, I’ll get right on that.” 

She left the shed, kicking the decoy before heading for the house. “Eda!” Luz shouted as she emerged from the forest. 

Tackling Eda in a hug, Luz tried to catch her breath. Eda held her arms up and away from Luz. “Ugh, what’ve I said about this?” 

“Right, boundaries,” she responded, letting go. Her smile faded as she remembered why she was here. “Oh my God, Eda! I need your help- or advice? Ah! I may have made a huge mistake and I don’t know what to do!” 

“And you need me? As your teacher?” Eda asked, shocked.

Luz nodded. “Yes! I-” 

“Luz!” 

Willow ran to her, giving her a hug; Gus was right on her tail. “You won’t believe it!” she said as she pulled away. “Everything is perfect now!” 

Luz smiled, utterly confused. “You’re right, I don’t believe it.” 

“I came out-” 

“Wow, good on you.” 

“And told Reverend Bump that I didn’t believe in guardian angels. Like yeah sure, angels are a thing, but people shouldn’t be able to order them around. And after seeing the miracle I did, he agreed to switch me in the Dominion Denomination. I get to grow plants!” 

“Yay!” Luz cheered, sweeping Willow up in another hug. “Congrats!” 

And in her mind, Luz praised God. Overall, it was such a fortuitous outcome that it couldn’t not have been preordained. Well, there was one instance that was less than great. “Oh, but what about Amity?” 

“Last we saw,” Gus said. “She was asking Bump if today could count as extra credit.” 

Luz smirked at that answer; she could picture it perfectly. She wished she could’ve been there to see it. She wished she could visit Hexside at all. “Do you think I could ever go back?” 

Gus grimaced, pulling a paper out of his back pocket. “Uh, about that. You’ve kind of sort of been… banned.” 

He unfurled the paper to reveal a messy photo of Luz and in bold text, the word, “Banned.” Snatching the poster, Eda declared, “That’s my girl!” 

Luz sighed, and Willow placed a hand on her shoulder. “But we could come here and teach you what we learned.” 

“Aw, that would be nice,” Luz admitted before turning to Eda. “But I have a pretty great teacher already.” 

Eda forgot all about her worries of being an inadequate teacher. Wrapping an arm around Luz’s shoulders, Eda grinned. “Yeah, that’s right. Luz is my student!” she said, jabbing a finger at the pair. “Back off academy twerps.” 

They laughed as Eda stared adoringly at the poster. “Ah, baby’s first wanted poster. Good job, kid.” 

Eda ruffled Luz’s hair. “Looks like I taught you something after all.” 

Luz smiled up at her. She was looking forward to learning more. Eda wasn’t the most straightforward teacher, but she had a good heart and was sure to lead Luz closer to God.


	5. Chapter Four: The Intruder

Luz was enraptured by what she was watching; phone out, she had to record it for posterity. King was eating pudding. 

She knew he wasn’t a baby, but a lot of his habits and reactions were so babylike, she couldn’t not fawn over him. He grabbed the pudding with his little, pudgy hands and shoved his whole hand in his mouth while trying to eat it. As a result, most of the pudding ended up on his face not in his mouth.

“Now this is quality content.” 

Pushing the bowl away, he decided he was finished. Luz offered him a washcloth before asking, “So, why’d you call me here again?” 

He hopped on his feet. “Oh, yeah,” he replied as if he forgot. “Mortal Luz, you’ve been so obsessed with miracles and praying that you haven’t learned anything about my kind. Prepare yourself for… Angels 101.” 

Waddling over to a covered board, he ripped the sheet off of it to reveal a conspiracy wall of information. Most of it was illustrations. “Now, angels are beings of pure emotion, crafted by God to serve a divine purpose.” 

“Like being absolutely adorable?” Luz asked, taking a photo of him. 

He nodded, puffing up his chest. “Yes, our beauty and grace knows no bounds.” 

He tripped while walking to the far side of the board. “Angels exist in a hierarchy,” he continued, patting a chart. “Cherubim, like me, are the strongest and most revered.” 

The chart was three concentric circles; in the center was a little doodle of him. “Then you have the second and the third sphere. The third one is what you’re most familiar with- it’s the archangels, and angel-angels. And at the very bottom are the fallen angels.” 

Reaching behind the board, he pulled out a book and showed her pictures; fallen angels were these ashy creatures with distorted limbs. Luz thought they looked more like cryptids than anything else. “Practically demons, they lack the morals God instilled in all of us, and they do whatever it takes to survive and thrive. That includes eating you valley people.” 

“Oh, they’re bad boys,” Luz commented, taking a picture of the page and adding some stickers. 

King lowered the book. “Luz, pay attention. This could save your life someday.” 

She set her phone down. “I’m paying attention. Totally,” she responded before putting a hand on her chin and squinting. “This is my paying attention face. Mmhmm.” 

Thunder rumbled. King looked out the window. “Uh oh, looks like it’s going to rain.” 

Luz sprang up. “I love rain.” 

She was out the door before King could get out, “Hey wait.” 

The sky was a gloomy grey, but it was a welcome sight to Luz; big storms always filled her with this liveliness. She’d play out in the rain every time if her mom let her. 

But her mother wasn’t here now. Walking out in the open, she held out her arms. “I always love feeling the first few drops on my skin,” she said. She bent down to talk to a flower, “I bet you do too, little buddy.” 

It promptly withered as a drop hit it. Luz fell back, gaping. “What?” 

“Boiling rain!” Eda shouted running from the forest. “Everybody inside now!” 

“Huh?” she responded, her head popping up. 

She was stunned when Eda dragged her inside. As she slid to a stop, Luz got thrown into the clutter. “Phew! That was close,” Eda said, staring out the door. “But the important thing is you didn’t get hurt.” 

She wasn’t entirely sure what she looked like, but it felt as if her spine had found a new dimension to bend in. “Yep, not hurt.”

It took a minute for her to right herself. In the meantime, King fetched the first aid kit, and Eda went back outside. Curious to what Eda was doing, Luz wandered to the front door.

King came and sat beside her. Pulling a bandage out of its casing, he placed it on the scratch on her arm. She thanked him while he put another bandage over the bridge of his nose. “Look,” he said, pointing to it. “Now we’re boo-boo buddies.” 

Letting out a squee, Luz fell over. “Dios mio, I love you so much.” 

She recovered, sitting up to stare at Eda praying in the rain. The water seemed to bend around her, miraculously so. “A boiling rainstorm in the Boiling Valley,” Luz commented. “Who could’ve guessed?” 

“Where’d you think we got the name from?” Eda joked. 

King leaned over to Luz. “It’s actually because of the boiling tarpit that leads to the bad place.” 

Luz hid in her hood. Was that where they were the other day? King pulled out his book, showing her the fallen angel page again. “And if the rain doesn’t get you, the fallen angels will. Immune to heat and pain, they wander the rain feeding on boiled victims.” 

“Well, whatever the case,” Eda interjected. “This blessing should protect the house from boiling rains… and made up angels.” 

“Hoot!” Hooty shouted. “Well, hurry it up with that blessing. That rain is getting closer to my precious stucco.” 

“Yeah, yeah, the Temple wasn’t built in a day.” 

Eda raised her hands in prayer, and the rain began to bend, looking like it was sliding off an invisible shield. Luz gawked at her as she walked back to the house. “Wow, someday I’d like to be as cool as Eda the Owl Lady. Magical, sassy, surprisingly foxy for a spinster.” 

“Hey, why do they call you the Owl Lady, anyway?” Luz asked once Eda was close enough to hear her.

Tapping her temple, Eda answered, “Cause I’m so wise.” 

“If you were really wise,” King replied. “You wouldn’t set off God with all the glib remarks.” 

She dismissed that idea with a wave. “If He’s omniscient, then He already knows I don’t like him. Saying it out loud doesn’t change anything.” 

Luz frowned slightly at that before opening her mouth to ask how she got to do miracles then, but King turned to Luz. “It’s because she coughs up rat bones.” 

“Oh,” Luz responded with an uneasy smile. “Is that another ‘miscommunication thing,’ like Hooty?” 

“What?” Eda said.

“Never mind.” 

“And then there’s her obsession with shiny things,” King added. 

Scoffing, Eda crossed her arms. “Obsession? I’m not obsessed.” 

King reached into his onesie to pull out a light-up pen. He clicked it, causing the large fake stone lit up. Eda’s jaw dropped, and her pupils went wide staring at it. “It sparkles and shimmers. It shines and delights. I must have it for my nest.” 

Eda lunged for the pen, but King moved it away before she could grab it. she collapsed on the ground as Luz processed her words. “You have a nest?” she asked, getting up to grab Eda’s hand. “I want a nest! Nest party!” 

“Ugh,” Eda said, climbing to her feet. “That miracle really took it out of me.” 

“Uh oh,” King taunted. “Moving a little slow. Age finally catching up to you?” 

Eda pulled the hood of his onesie down over his eyes while walking inside. “Ah, darkness!” he screamed.

Luz watched her go. “This is perfect,” she declared. “Since we’ll be stuck in the house all night, Eda won’t have any excuse not to teach me how she performs miracles.” 

King fixed his hood, reaching out to her. “But don’t you want to finish our lesson? I was going to let you cuddle an angel. Me!” 

“Oh, uh, sorry King,” Luz said, holding her hands up like she couldn’t help the decision she made. “But… miracles.” 

Luz snuck up on Eda as she rested on the couch. Luz leaned over her, eliciting a shout when she finally noticed her. Time to schmooze. “Oh, Eda,” she said in an overly sweet tone. “Have I told you how bright your eyes look today?” 

Eda wasn’t having it. “Whatever it is, no.” 

Persisting, Luz tried something else, “And your hair is like… girl.” 

“I’m not teaching you tonight,” Eda said before curling up on her side. She pulled her blanket over her shoulders. “I’m sleepy. I’m a sleepy little owl.” 

Luz dropped the façade. “Please Eda. How I am supposed to learn anything about being a good Christian if you never talk about how you do it?” 

Eda snorted before shaking her head. “No. Sleep.” 

Luz wondered what she could do to convince her before realizing that a barter may work. She grabbed the pen from earlier and started clicking it. Eda gasped, her eye flashing open. “Sparkle thing.” 

She sat up and stared at it before hopping onto the arm rest of the couch. She was transfixed. “Oh, this?” Luz said coyly, giving it another couple of clicks. 

Eda reached out, and Luz pulled it out of her reach, causing her to fall over. She collapsed in a heap on the floor, her face pressed into the carpet and her feet in the air. “Teach me one miracle,” Luz bargained. “And it’s yours.” 

Raising her head, she pointed an oddly bent arm at Luz. “I respect your cunning,” she admitted. “But I also hate you for it.”

Eda needed help getting out of that position. But once she was out, she was in full teacher mode. Pacing with her arms behind her back, she started her lecture, “Now to perform miracles, you need to have a connection with God.” 

Luz nodded; she had that box checked. “Got it.” 

“That means you are able to talk to Him, and He is able to talk to you through the Holy Spirit. Most Christians hit these two prerequisites with ease, so they are able to ask God for miracles.” 

Talked to you? Did that happen to other people? What did that entail? Eda explained like she knew it, but she also spoke of Christians as other people outside of her. “Wait,” Luz said, thinking back to Eda’s earlier comment. “Why does God listen to your prayers if you don’t like God?” 

Eda grinned. “Because He wants me to like Him. The key component of prayer is praise, and that’s the trick. I bet He thinks if I pray long enough, I’ll grow to appreciate Him, but that’s not going to happen.” 

The only one who would know if that plan will work was God, and God was letting this happen, so… Luz decided not to bring that up. “So, he listens to anyone’s prayers?” 

“Yep,” she replied. “As long as you got ‘the Holy Spirit’ in you.”

Then how did that work with all the conflicting ideologies and denominations? Did God have favorites? Luz frowned; God obviously did in the Bible, but what about now? “What if two people are fighting and pray for God’s support, who will get it?” 

“Both? Neither?” Eda said with a shrug. “Who knows? Try not to get in a fight and find out.” 

King stood up. “I can fight you-” 

“Not now, King,” Luz interrupted. 

Trying not to look like a kicked puppy, King sat back down. “Alright,” Eda said, folding her hands together. “So the prayer I’ll teach you tonight is one that summons light. Ready?” 

“Wait, let me record it on my phone.” 

She pulled out her phone and hit record. Giving Eda a thumbs-up, she watched through the screen as Eda dipped her head and said, “’Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me.’” 

With that, an orb of light appeared before her. Luz jumped up, reaching out to feel it. It was warm, pleasantly so, but popped when she touched it. “Wow! Do you always have to quote the Bible when you pray or is it off the cuff?” 

“Quotes will get you farther, but it’s the sincerity that really matters,” Eda explained before holding out her hand. “Let’s see you try it.” 

Luz bowed her head, muttering the same words Eda did. And nothing happened. Shutting her eyes, she tried again, saying it more forcefully but still nothing. 

“Huh,” Eda said, rubbing her chin. “You were baptized at some point, right?” 

Luz didn’t realize that was necessary, but she was also confident that she had. “When I was a baby, I guess. My mom probably has photos of it.” 

Returning to her pacing, Eda tried to find a reason it wasn’t working for the most try-hard Christian she knew. “Hmm, maybe it’s because you’re mortal? I never seen someone from outside the valley perform a miracle.” 

“Eda!” 

Luz was shocked that Eda hadn’t mentioned that was a possibility sooner. “What?” Eda responded, rustling Luz’s hair. “Don’t worry, kid. I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Now, I need to lie down.” 

“That’s it?” Luz asked, stepping in her way. “Can you do a different prayer? One that’ll get the same miracle?” 

“I don’t know,” Eda said. 

“One more prayer won’t kill you.” 

“Fine,” she said, lowering her head. “‘Your word is a lamp for my feet-’” 

Her head dropped, followed by the rest of her body. She was strewn out across the carpet, and Luz almost wasn’t sure what happened until King looked up from his book. “Looks like one more prayer killed Eda.”

Luz screamed.

Kneeling by Eda, Luz gently rolled her onto her back. Well-practiced habits kicked in. Triage. No obvious wounds, no blood. Leaning an ear over Eda’s mouth, Luz heard her soft, steady breaths. She placed two fingers against Eda’s neck while saying, “My obsession with miracles knocked out Eda. I’m a monster.” 

Her pulse was steady if a little fast. King joined her, though his technique was less scientific. “Bap!” he shouted, slapping his palm against her face. “Yep, she’s out. Bap!” 

Luz got to her feet, running to the door. “We should get help, right?” 

Opening it, she was stopped by King’s tiny mits tugging her leg. “Boiling rain, remember?” 

“But what if she’s seriously hurt?” 

The cause of sudden unconsciousness could vary from a coma to a stroke. And there were probably a dozen other fatal things that Luz didn’t even know about. They needed a doctor to check her. “What are healers going to do? Rub oils on her?” King replied. “Last week, she had her head cut off. This is nothing.” 

He had a point. Eda didn’t work like a regular person; she lost limbs and defied death on a constant basis. Staring at her, Luz relented, “Well, we can’t just leave her on the floor.” 

That was not a good Samaritan action. Luz walked over, grabbing Eda by the armpits to slowly but surely drag her upstairs. King followed her but offered no assistance. 

In Eda’s room, there was a nest; Luz thought they were joking, but it was true. Pulling Eda over the prickly edge, she laid her out in the nest. “Sorry for pushing you, Miss Eda,” she said as she stepped out. Turning about, she put a blanket over Eda. “Please don’t be upset when you wake up.” 

King hung on the edge of the nest. “Should I bap her again?” 

“Just let her rest, you little goober,” Luz responded, patting his head. “Come on, I think a cup of water and snack would be a nice apology gift.” 

She left first, and after a moment, King smacked Eda’s face again as he shouted, “Bap!”

He snickered as his little toddler feet carried him out of the room.

After setting out food for Eda, Luz returned to the living room with King. She replayed the video of Eda’s miracle over and over, scanning every frame for some hint at how she did it. King doodled nearby.

“That’s just all she says!” Luz vented, slumping against the couch’s base. “She doesn’t do any fancy hand gestures, and there’s no coded messages. God! Why do you have to be so cryptic Owl Lady?” 

King got up, bringing his piece of paper over to her. “Hey, you know what’s really cryptic?” he asked rhetorically. Let me tell you about the most spine-chilling angel. The Thrones!” 

He turned his paper around to show off a wheel covered with circles. The circles were supposed to be eyes, but Luz couldn’t really tell. “They’re more intimidating than the name implies,” he continued.

“Not now, King,” Luz replied, waving a hand. “I want to figure out this miracle. But if I don’t have a connection with God, what’s the point? I’ll just be praying with no response forever.” 

How was that any different than what she was doing already? Luz didn’t mind when she prayed now because she expected something one day. But that hope was fading by the second. What if God didn’t like her? 

King sat by her, bumping his fabric horn against her shoulder. “Why do you want to learn miracles so bad, anyway?” 

“I was a nobody back home. But becoming a Christian, learning miracles, is my chance to make myself appealing and normal. At least, in this world. Do you know what it’s like to have no one support you, to feel all alone?” 

King sighed. “If I help you with that miracle, could we finish our lesson?” 

“Oh yes, yes,” Luz said, nodding excitedly. “You can teach me about angels all week if you help me learn this.” 

Flipping over his paper, he tapped his crayon against it. “Well, Eda said you have to have a connection with the Big Man Upstairs, so do you have that?” 

Luz frowned. “I thought so, but…” 

“Well, Eda doesn’t have a good connection with Him, she just can’t, so she has to be finding a way around that.” 

He drew a bottle and Eda as a little arithmetic equation. “And I have a theory. Every day, I see Eda sneak drinks of this elixir, see? Then she’s always able to do miracles after that, see?” he said before drawing a sparkly explosion after the equal sign. “I think that’s how she makes her connection to perform miracles. And I know where to get some.” 

“Really?” 

“Sí.” 

Luz had a feeling it was the Eucharist, which Eda forbade her from consuming. But she was willing to give it a shot if it would get results. “Thank you so much,” Luz said, pulling King into a hug. “You’re a doll!” 

He pushed away, dryly correcting, “A cherub. I’m a cherub.” 

“Right.”

*****

King crept into Eda’s room, his eyes fixed on the slumbering form in the nest. She was fast asleep, but he wasn’t taking any chances. People weren’t allowed in her room, especially uninvited.

And if they were thieves.

But King had a goal in mind, and he was willing to risk unspeakable punishments to get it. The elixir was just on her nightstand beside her nest. No biggie. Just grab it and go. 

Scurrying forward on all four, he stopped beside the little wooden stand. He strained on his tiptoes to reach it. His fingers wrapped around the frail glass. It was heavier than he thought, and its ominous red contents swirled with every motion. 

A torn tag was tied around the bottle’s neck. He pulled it off to read it, “Through the blood of Jesus-” He wondered what the rest of it might’ve said, but he wasn’t worried, tucking it into his onesie’s pocket. Grabbed it, now got to go.

He treaded lightly to the door before bolting out of it and out of sight. He carried the bottle overhead with a smirk. “Got it!”

*****

“Wow,” Luz said, holding the elixir up to the light. “I can’t believe I’m going to manage a miracle.” 

She pretended the fact it was called blood and looked like blood didn’t matter. It wasn’t like they had Jesus on tap here. At least, she hoped not. She was too giddy to make sense. “Ha-ha! A real miracle. This is historic.” 

Raising the bottle to her lips, she shut her eyes. Thunder clapped, and she jumped. The elixir flew out of her hands. She fumbled to catch it, but it smashed on the ground, its contents spilling on the floor. 

“The mysterious blood-red liquid,” Luz called. “Gone! This is awful.” 

King comforted her by patting her leg. “Who even needs to make lights when we have a ton of lamps?” 

The lights suddenly dimmed, causing King to grumble. “Hooty controls the house lights,” he explained. “He probably just feel asleep.” 

“Hoot! Hoot!” 

He sounded distressed, so Luz called to him, “Hooty!” 

Luz ran to the door. Hooty was on the ground, and a beast lurked over him. Whatever it was had large claws and a hulking body. It disappeared into the rains. 

Hurrying to Hooty’s side, she pried open one of his eyes. “Hooty! Are you in there?” 

It was glazed over. She let go, nervously stroking his face. “Whatever did this escaped into the rain,” she said, looking to King. “What could survive that?” 

“Oh my gosh,” King responded, cupping his cheeks. “A fallen angel! It feeds during the rains. It must have stumbled across our house and seen us inside.” 

Over the drizzle, they heard the beast growl and yip. Luz stopped petting Hooty, her hand too shaky to continue. “This is terrifying, so why do you look so happy?” 

His cheeky grin didn’t change as he explained, “Because this could be a lesson. This would be a great way for you to see a wild angel up close and personal.” 

“You want to go toward those creepy sounds? No way!”

His hands dropped to his sides. “What if Eda gets eaten?” he asked before jabbing a finger at Luz. “She’s upstairs and defenseless because you knocked her out.” 

Luz groaned, looking up at the ceiling. “God give me strength.” 

They took a short while to prepare. Luz strapped pillows to their chests and equipped herself with her trusty sword. King added a colander to his head, clinging to a wooden spoon with both hands.

The journey to Eda’s room was uneventful, and Luz approaches the nest while King stood guard at the door. The nest was empty. “Oh, my God. Eda! She got got.” 

Luz turned over the pillow, revealing a trio of slits. “No! Slash marks.” 

Something must’ve grabbed her or attacked. Luz searched the entire bed but didn’t find a trace of blood. There was no other damage to the room besides the pillow. “King,” she said, turning to him. “You’re the expert. I need your help.” 

“I’ll go get my books!” 

King scampered downstairs to his lecture area, scooping up his textbooks. He hurried back while comparing the two in his tiny pudgy hands. “Wait, wait. First edition or second?” 

Looking up from his books, he found the room empty. He dropped them as he ran to the nest. “Luz?” he called before gasping. “The angel got her.” 

In the hall, glass crashed. “You craven beast!” King cried, charging out of the room. “Give me back my boo-boo buddy!” 

King ran around, trying to pursue the beast, but after that initial sound, there wasn’t anything besides the storm. Until it felt like something was breathing down his neck. He bolted down the hallway the clatter of claws on wood following him.

He lost it turning a corner and ducked into the nearest room. A closet. Pressing his body against the door, he listened for the beast and tried to catch his breath. It trudged by, sniffing in loud huffs. 

But it didn’t find him. The noises vanished as it scuttled away. Breathing a sigh of relief, King considered his options. Stick it out for the storm here in the closet or try to get away. 

There was a third choice. Fight back and reclaim his friends. Oh, his friends were definitely eaten already. Why else would the small house feel so empty? 

He’d be next if he went back out there. But then, he wouldn’t be so alone. Him and Luz were friends. Boo-boo buddies. He couldn’t just leave her even if she was more interested in miracles than angels. Their friendship was more than that.

So he needed to get a weapon and come up with a strategy to fight back. Wandering deeper into the closet, he stumbled across one of Luz’s white loafers. “Luz?” 

Was she here? Why? Searching the dark space, he spotted a pair of feet among the hanging coats. They weren’t Luz’s, so they had to be the beast, the fallen angel. He ran at them, raising the shoe above his head like a weapon. “There’s nowhere for you to run!” 

Pushing aside a coat, he jolted to a stop. The angel was much smaller than he imagined. It was blue, a dull glow emanating from its chest in place of an angel’s radiant fire; its hunched body was reminiscent of an ape. It carried a board of wood with char marks that it clearly was using it as protection. Cringing beneath its shield, it waited for King’s assault.

“A fallen angel?” King said, lowering the shoe. “Wow, you’re much smaller in person.” 

It peeked out from under its board. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I-I just needed a place to hide from the rain.” 

King squatted in front of the angel. “Then why did you break down the door and take Luz?” he asked before wagging the shoe. “That’s not cool, man. Bad angel.” 

“I-I didn’t do any of that stuff. I snuck in through a window just now.” 

That was the glass breaking then. But if it only just got in, what had been harassing them for most of the night? “Huh,” King responded, “Well, then what-” 

An arm broke through the ceiling and grabbed the fallen angel. “Oh no, a twist!” 

Turned out to be its final words. It disappeared with a moist gulp before the beast dropped down into the closet. It spat out the hunk of wood, causing King to cringe before trying to be brave. 

“Stay back,” he ordered, raising the shoe. “Hey, hey. I am a cherub! Throne-bearer of God, okay? So, barf my friends back up.”

As the beast stalked closer, he ran. 

The beast gave chase with a delighted trill. From its appearance, he could tell that it wasn’t an angel, even a fallen one. If anything it looked like a demon, too beast-like to be divine. 

He outpaced its clumsy massive body with a few sharp turns and hid in Eda’s room. Another narrow scrap with death left his little heart pattered out of his chest, but a surprise waited for him, just sitting by the door. 

“Luz?” 

“King!” she said, pulling him into a hug. “Oh, I’m so glad you’re safe.” 

For once, he embraced the affection, wrapping his short arms around her torso. “Where did you go?” 

She set him beside her, answering, “I was checking on Eda, and she was gone, and then you were gone. I also tripped and lost my shoe. Oh hey, you found it.” 

“I-I-” 

King didn’t know what to say as she took the shoe back and lifted her foot to slip it on. There was a scrap of paper on her foot. “What’s that?” 

He plucked it off before Luz put her shoe on. It was torn, but he read aloud what was written, “I am redeemed out of the hand of the devil.” 

The paper and tear was familiar. It was the same as the note on the elixir, he realized. Digging the other half out of his pocket, he put the pieces together. “Through the blood of Jesus, I am redeemed out of the hand of the devil.” 

Luz leaned over to look at the paper. “Devil? Wait, what are you trying to say?” 

For King, things fell into place. “I was wrong the whole time. That’s no angel! That creature is-” 

The beast rammed through the door. Its head swiveled around to stare at the origin of the noise it had been tracking. Bearing its teeth, the beast bore a remarkable resemblance to…

“Eda?” Luz said. 

The beast lunged at them, and Luz flinched, sending her phone tumbling out of her pocket. As it smashed on the ground, the flash turned on.

Recoiling from the bright light, the beast screeched. It gave Luz time to pick up King and the phone and book it. With the beast blocking the door, Luz ran for the terrace, vaulting over the divider.

Once behind cover, Luz willed herself to speak. “Oh God, did you see her eyes? They were like-” 

She fell quiet at the sound of the beast getting closer, only speaking again when the sound faded, “What happened to her?” 

“Don’t you see?” King said, distraught. “The elixir I gave you doesn’t help her with miracles. It prevents her from turning into that thing! She turned into a nightmare, and it’s all my fault. I’m so sorry, Luz.” 

He sighed, slumping against the divider, “I-I just wanted you to be into angels like you’re into that Christian stuff. I don’t have many friends, and no one even pays that much attention to me. I thought maybe if I taught you, finally someone would care about beings like me.” 

As much as she pestered him about being a supportive good friend, she didn’t do the same for him. They had different interests, and she didn’t even try to pay attention to the things he liked. 

It felt odd to apologize when he already said sorry, but she knew what would make it up to him. Pulling out the pen, she handed it to him. “Well, let’s finish the lesson.” 

“Huh?” 

“Eda has turned into a demon by the looks of it. You mentioned fallen angels are like demons, so the best teacher in the world must know something that can help.” 

King giggled before giving Luz a hug. Stepping back, he took the pen and plucked a leaf from a terrace plant. “Let’s see,” he said, drawing the beast. “She was bigger, covered in feathers, and had big black eyes. Creatures with black eyes are usually sensitive to light.” 

He covered the leaf. “That’s it! Light! Luz, use your human wonder rectangle.” 

Showing him the cracked phone screen, she said, “I can’t. My camera’s blasted.” 

“Then,” King replied, wracking his brain. “What about that miracle?” 

Luz huffed, leaning back on the divider. “You saw me. I can’t pray light into existence. I’m not Eda.” 

Looking at her phone, she pulled up the video again. She watched it as King put out other ideas, “Well, we could try fire or fireworks, but I think we’d need the element of surprise.” 

While Eda prayed, her face looked so tranquil. Like she was putting the outcome of her actions in the hands of someone else. There was an element of trust. Not one that she would admit, but it was apparent in her expression. 

Perhaps that was what she was missing. Standing up, Luz said with a sudden certainty, “God will provide.” 

King looked up at her. “What? Are you sure?”

“’So that which I intend to do prove ye if it be of God and pray that God may strengthen my design,’” she quoted; it was from her favorite Book, the Book of Judith. Holding out her hand, she added, “Let’s see if my ‘design’ is any good.”

*****

Luz’s plan was simple, lure Eda into a trap where she can blind her with a bright flash of light. All she needed to do was conjure up that light once King brought her close… before Eda could eat her. 

And so, she fell to her knees. 

“God,” Luz said, bowing her head. “I know you’re out there. Listening, watching, knowing my every thought. You know what I want, what I need. I have to save her. If I don’t, who knows how many people she could hurt? Worst yet, she could be hurt. She can’t stay like this, so I just need this one miracle. 

“Maybe I don’t have a proper covenant with you, but I’d like one. I promise when this is over- I’ll find a real church, do catechism, take the Eucharist, whatever it means to have a proper relationship with you. Just do me this one thing.” 

It was at this point, she heard rapid scuffling in the hall. There was a crash when Beast Eda hit a wall. Eda’s ears perked up at the sight of Luz, and she dashed down the hall. It was the last thing Luz saw before shutting her eyes. “’Make Your face shine upon Your servant. Save me in Your loving kindness.’” 

By the time she had finished her prayer, Eda was practically on top of her. Luz’s eyes clenched shut, and her hands trembled in her laps as she awaited her miracle. 

As the first humid breath of the beast blustered her face, a light took up the space. Eda shrieked and covered her eyes. When Luz had opened hers, she found the beast dazed and confused. 

“Thank you.”

*****

Eda woke to the taste of something metallic. Realizing it came from a straw in her mouth, she slurped the rest down in a frenzy. What remained of her cursed form retreated much to her relief. “W-what happened?” she asked, rubbing her forehead. “Oh, I have the worst headache. And my mouth.” 

Throwing her head over the side of her nest, she hacked out something she didn’t expect. An angel. It curled up on the floor, its core a sudden sickening shade of green. “I’m just going to,” it said before exhaling, “Lay here for a minute.”

Eda held up the elixir bottle, glaring at the ruddy dregs at the bottom. “Hmm, I was looking for this.” 

“Actually,” King said, walking to her nest. “We found an extra in your closet.” 

King leaned against the nest, and Eda blinked at him. “King?” she said, confused before putting the pieces together. She pointed an accusatory finger at him. “King! You stole my elixir? I ought to break every bone in your-” 

“Shh,” King interrupted, putting a chubby finger to his lips. “Over there.” 

Tilting his head, he directed her to Luz. Eda stared at her. She had her head down in prayer, and around her was this heavenly aura as if the sun had descended to rest upon her shoulders. With the her features well-lit, it wasn’t hard to tell she was at peace. 

“Wow, how is she doing that?”

“I don’t know, but she did it all on her own,” King said before rubbing the back of head. “Hey, I, uh, kind of messed a bunch of things up back then. And I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” 

Eda was taken aback because King never apologized. Even as the anger faded, she keeps up the façade of it. “Well you better be. I got a long list of disgusting chores with your name on it.”

“But it’s not entirely your fault,” she admitted. 

That declaration caught Luz’s ear, and she got up to join them. Luz reached out to place a hand on Eda’s forehead, but Eda weakly swatted away. She was still worried. “How are you feeling?” Luz pestered. “What was that?” 

“I haven’t been completely honest with you guys,” Eda said, looking down at her hands. “When I was younger, I was cursed. I have a feeling of how it happened, but I don’t know for sure. All I know is that if I don’t take my elixir, well, that’s why people call me the Owl Lady. No one likes having a curse, but if you take the right steps, it’s manageable.” 

Luz wasn’t the perfect encyclopedia of biblical knowledge, but there were too many verses about curses and spells for her not to know the solution to Eda’s problem. “But Eda, you’d be cured if you repente-” 

“I’d rather die!” she snapped before brushing back her hair. “I have nothing to repent for, especially to Him. Besides if this curse was from Him, it’s like twisting my arm to be nicer to Him. I don’t need that abuse.” 

“Eda.” 

Eda ran a hand along her elixir bottle. “Look, it’s fine Luz. As long as I take this, it’s under control.” 

It felt weird to talk about her curse with others, so she pushed the attention off on the obvious thing. Looking up at Luz, she gave her a smile. “But hey, a mortal performing a miracle! Good on you, kid.” 

Luz grinned, turning to King. “I had some encouragement from a great teacher.” 

“Oh you,” King responded, coquettishly waving at her.

“Hey, hey! Is anyone there? Hello? Hoot? I’m on the floor. It’s cold.” 

King covered his ears with a groan as Luz gasped. “We forgot about Hooty!” she said before whirling to face Eda. “Don’t worry, we’ll take care of him. You stay in bed.” 

Luz picked up the little angel on her way out. “Come on, you goopy fella. You can stick around ‘til the rain stops.” 

Eda watched them go before laying back down. When she shut her eyes, a vision came to her. “Not this again.”

A person stood in a blinding white doorway. She couldn’t tell any distinguishing features save for big glowing eyes. “You! You’re the one who cursed me, aren’t you?”

She reached out to grab them, demanding, “Who are you?” 

She jolted awake, her entire body tensed. Flopping back in bed, she gave a beleaguered sigh.

*****

Luz propped Hooty back up on his hinges before doing some approximation of medical care. She added bandages to the scratch marks, though wood didn’t work like that. Patting the injury, she said, “Welcome to the boo-boo buddy club, Hooty.” 

“Finally,” he screeched. “I get to be a part of something.” 

Luz smiled. On the couch, King and the fallen angel were hanging out, looking into the textbooks King had written. The angel was reliving its trauma, so King could add it to his works. “And then she had teeth in her stomach. Teeth in her stomach! Can you believe it?” 

“Oh yeah,” King said, nodding. “This is going in the book.” 

He showed his doodle to the angel, who lit up grey in response. “That book is filled with so many interesting things,” it commented before turning the book around for King to see. “Like this. I’m one of the fiercest creatures in the valley, huh?” 

The fallen angel flipped to a different page than King expected. Staring down humanoid angels with armor and scepters, he had a hard time believing this shell of an angel was ever a Powers. It really showed how the mighty could fall. “Yeah, I’m going to have to edit that.” 

“Oh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm dogsitting/housesitting for the next month, so we'll see if my crazy posting pace will continue.


	6. Chapter Five: I couldn't think of a pun

“’Meanwhile, the Philistine kept coming closer to David. He looked David over and saw that he was little more than a boy, glowing with health and handsome, and he despised him. He said to David, “Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks? Come here, and I’ll give your flesh to the birds and the wild animals!” David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied… 

“’As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell face down on the ground.’”

“Ha!” King mocked, interrupting Luz’s reading. “If I were Goliath, I wouldn’t be felled by a pebble. Not even a flaming sword from a fallen angel could keep me from my post outside the Garden of Eden.” 

Luz lowered her Bible. “I thought you were a throne bearer.” 

Stiffening, King scrambled for an answer. “I did both- duh,” he replied, waving a hand. “What’s important is all the offerings people would leave in fear of me!” 

Luz wondered how that would work. Wouldn’t that be idolatry? And if he worked as a guard at Eden, then there were only two people who could offer him things. It wasn’t adding up. “Well,” she said, lifting the book. “All I can offer you is more of the Good Book.” 

“Ugh!” Eda groaned, tossing her feather duster on the table. “Please stop reading that. Its nonsensical grammar and antiquated language is a pain to listen to and is driving away all of our shadier customers… aka our only customers.” 

Luz set down the Bible, leaning on the table to look around. There was nothing within fifty meters of them. “Um, Eda?” Luz managed, rocking back on her heels. “What customers? There aren’t even any other stands around. What’s going on?” 

Picking up the duster, Eda wrung it in her hands. “This is a bad omen. There must be something horrible happening today.” 

“Luz!” Gus greeted, running up to the stand. 

Willow was right behind him. “Something amazing is happening today!” 

Luz held out her hands. “Gus, Willow! Hey!” 

“It’s the annual faithful forum!” Gus explained. “Student Christians get to see all the denominations before they chose one. There’s even a mystery guest this year!” 

“A job fair for denominations?” Luz said before breaking into a smile. “I’m sure that it’s going to be lovely and peaceful. Eda, can we go?” 

“Absolutely not.” 

Luz’s smile became strained. Crossing her arms, Eda continued, “I never joined a religion for a reason. Sure, it’s a fun club for likeminded people, but you’re also giving up your independent thoughts to be a part of a crooked system.” 

Willow hummed, discontent, and Eda backtracked, “Eh but, you know, no judgement. In any case, I haven’t been to one since we were girls.” 

Luz whirled around. “’We’?” 

Eyes going wide, Eda sputtered, “I- I mean-” 

“Who’s ‘We’?” Luz pressed, her hands jittery. “You have a mysterious past! Now we have to go!” 

“No,” she responded, facing away. 

“Okay, then you leave me no choice.” 

Luz plopped her grandmother’s Bible into King’s hands. He cracked it open, reading the first thing he saw, “’O LORD, do not rebuke me in Your anger, or discipline me in Your wrath. Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am frail…’” 

With a dead-eyed stare, Eda turned to leave. Taking out the key, she summoned the messenger’s door. A clear escape attempt that Luz refused to let her get away with. Picking up King, she chucked him into the glowing portal after her. 

“My soul is deeply distressed. How long, O LORD, how long? Turn, O LORD, and deliver my soul-”

King voice faded only for a second before Eda was back and shouting, “Stop it! I will literally do anything, just stop this.” 

Luz cheered. This forum was her chance to fulfill her promise to God by finding a faith just right for her.

*****

Eda refused to step foot into the convention center until she was well disguised. This entailed changing her appearance entirely by donning a cowl. Yet her excessive amount of hair made it difficult. “Got to, uh, keep a low profile,” she grumbled.

She tried regardless with the help of King. “Is the cowl really necessary?” Luz asked.

Pausing, Eda looked up at Luz. “Do you think all my wanted posters were because the Warden was into me? No, the big whammy is I disobeyed the ‘law’ and never joined a denomination.” 

With a jerk, she got the cowl over her hair. “If I’m seen, I could go to jail. Again.” 

Willow said, “Maybe this informative event will inspire you to join one.” 

Eda scoffed, leaving Willow flustered and upset. “Let’s just get this over with.” 

They walked inside and were bombarded by sights and sounds of the packed convention room with dozens of booths; each stand boasted a variety of crosses and symbols and names. People pushed through the wide aisles as vendors boasted the groups they represented. It was chaotic but exciting.

Luz took it all in with a slack-jawed grin. “Whoa, was I even alive before now?” 

Gus pointed to the banners above. Luz recognized the white flower with a central heart and cross of the Lutherans; then there was the three-crowns and pair of keys of the papacy for the Roman Catholic Church. Yet there seemed to be a dozen more symbols that she didn’t even know. “Those are the predominant faiths,” he explained. “Christian denominations so popular, they exist in the mortal realm.” 

Taking Luz by the arm, Willow pulled her into the mix. “But not all faiths are that distinguished,” she said. “There are more, like the Flat Earthers or the All-dogs-go-to-Heaven denomination.” 

Eda grumbled, so Willow added, “And the intrinsic evil of man-” 

“What was that?” Eda asked, shaking a fist.

The kids giggled uneasily and scrambled away. Eda watched them go, smirking. Her expression fell as she spotted one of her wanted posters. It stood by itself on a pillar for everyone to see. 

“Excuse me, ma’am,” a man said before tapping her. “But you look rather familiar.” 

Eda whirled around to stare at the man. She could see his eyes panning over to the poster. He’d put the pieces together in any second. “Uh, no I don’t,” she replied before pulling the first thing she found out of her hair. “Distraction!” 

She threw what turned out to be a snack pack on the floor and ran away. While the man bent down to retrieve it, Eda returned and pulled his hood over his head. She stole the snack back before making her escape.

When she found the kids, they were passing a construction by the Evangelicals. In place of a proper stand, the representatives were putting together a house. There were only a few of them, but they were doing the work of ten people.

“Oh, what’s that?” Luz asked, pointing to them. 

Willow answered, “Those are Evangelicals, one of the big churches. They are committed to missions, usually ones where they construct homes, public buildings, and wells for communities in need.” 

“If you look close,” Gus added. “You’ll notice that they perform greater miracles by praying in groups.” 

Luz watched as the trio circled up and bowed their head. When they separated, one was able to lift an entire wall up and another hammered it into place. They were able to accomplish things that most people needed machines to do. “Huh. That’s cool,” she commented as they walked to the next stand. 

It didn’t seem that interesting; Luz didn’t bother reading its name. Then she saw the donkey. And the donkey spoke, “Huh, that’s cool.” 

Luz gasped, pointing at it. The donkey’s keepers bowed and thanked the Lord. “Ah!” Gus said, nudging Luz. “You’ve been taken in by the allure of the Literalism Denomination. We like to interpret the Bible as literally as possible.” 

Luz knew the donkey was a reference to the story of Balaam, an evil wizard who was supposed to bring destruction to the Israelites. His donkey spoke to him by the grace of God, warning him about the angel on the road before them. Luz didn’t get why the donkey was talking here, but it was hands-down cool. 

Cool enough to catch the interest of one guy, who dedicated himself to the faith on the spot. He fell to his knees before the literalists and begged to be converted.

Luz looked on with awe, wondering if she would be struck with the same rabid devotion. “Wow, this is amazing.” 

“Wait ‘til you see the Emperor’s Church!” Willow commented with Gus nodding vigorously. 

“Oh, you mean the guys who think they’re the ‘one true faith,’” Eda responded mockingly, adding finger quotes around the obvious. 

Luz dismissed Eda’s comment with a wave. “Come on,” she said. “Even the Catholics admitted that other religions contain enough of the essence of God, or Logos, to not be condemned to hell.” 

“And when did that happen?” Eda asked, putting a hand under her chin.

Luz’s confidence withered. “1962.” 

“Ha!” Eda responded while slapping her knee. “Well, in this world it’s faith beats faith. Only yours matters, and yours is the right one.” 

Wrapping an arm around Luz’s shoulders, Eda made her face the Literalist stand. “Now watch closely,” Eda said as the representatives laid their hands on the guy. “Once you commit yourself to a certain faith, you’re locked into believing only whatever they say to believe.” 

The man was bathed in a holy light before being pulled to his feet. It didn’t look as ominous as Eda made it sound, yet Luz was covered in goosebumps. “I never joined one,” she continued, letting Luz go. “So, I get to believe whatever I feel is right.” 

But what she felt was right wasn’t necessarily morally right. Luz knew she was a thief and that Eda pawned off those secular secondhand goods to people who knew they shouldn’t be in possession of them. Where did she get off saying that was right? Or does she know she’s doing wrong and just doesn’t care?

Maybe the reason she never settled on a faith was because she wouldn’t be able to live with her actions otherwise. 

Willow and Gus pressed onwards, pointing out new stands as they passed them. Smiling and nodding, Luz trailed behind. King walked with her, his horns tilted back, so he could see. 

King got stopped by a hand on his shoulder. Spinning around he was confronted by a woman in conservative clothes. Pinned to her blouse was the unmistakable symbol of the Seventh Day Adventists. Leaning down, she placed a pen in his hand and said, “The second coming is nigh.”

Turning over the pen, King found the phrase Matthew 16:28 inscribed on it. He scoffed. “Coming? Lady, I’m not paying for-” 

“It’s free,” she reassured before approaching another passerby. 

King held up the pen. “Are you bestowing gifts upon me?” he asked to no one in particular before jumping and cheering. “Yes! I accept your offering! The bearer is back!” 

He scurried off in search of other stands handing out free things, unconcerned that Eda and the teens were heading towards the main attraction. 

The entrance to main theatre was marked by banners and guards; the banners bore the luminous cloud of light supported by crossed wings. The guards, likewise, had crossed wings adorning their cloaks. Luz gawked at the opulent display. “Wow, that panel looks popular.” 

“It’s the Emperor’s Church!” Gus gasped before turning to Willow. “Do you think they’ll anoint me?” 

“Only one way to find out!” Willow responded as the pair ran inside. 

Luz moved to follow them but stopped when she sensed Eda wasn’t behind her. Turning around confirmed her suspicions. “Aren’t you coming, Eda?” 

“No way,” she said, waving her hand under her nose like something smelled. “Like I said, they’re the worst. I’ll wait out here.” 

“I get it, Eda,” Luz responded before holding her hands out as scales. Her left hand took a dip as she said, “Organized religion: bad. Individual faith: good. But I’m still trying to figure my feelings out, so I’m going to go in there and make up my own mind, okay?” 

Eda watched Luz go before catching a guy muttering, “I just saw her.” 

“Huh?” 

She looked over to see the same guy as earlier, this time talking to a security guard. He “discreetly” pointed at Eda. “She’s over there. I think that’s her.” 

“Uh oh,” Eda muttered, turning to run after her. “Luz, wait up!”

She lost the guard in the packed seating. Settling into the space beside Luz, Eda grumbled, “All right, let’s see this mess.” 

Luz joined the audience in cheering as Reverend Bump walked onto stage. He approached the antiquated ribbon microphone, grabbing its stand. “Hello, light of the world, city upon a hill!” he greeted. “Students ask me all the time, ‘Reverend Bump, there’s so many faiths, which one is the right one?’” 

“Is it Latter Day Saints?” one student called.

Bump grimaced. “Wow, I failed you as a principal.”

Then he got back on track. “It is the one with the deepest insight into the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ, the one with the Missing Gospel, the last Will and Testament, the chosen people of God, and the enforcers of His will, the Emperor’s Church.

“Feast your eyes upon this elite force,” he said, gesturing to the pit. “Each member handpicked to maintain the faith and order of the Boiling Valley.” 

A trio of members appeared in a cloud of smoke. They waved to the crowd, basking in the rapturous applause. “When does that elite force get here?” Eda joked, laughing to herself. 

“Members of the Emperor’s Church have open communication with God, yes God, and are able to perform miracles at will. Ooh. Ah.” 

The crowd responded in kind as the members summoned light, fire, and lightning, casting them into the air. “But,” the reverend said, raising a finger. “Only the best, most faithful, can ascend these ranks. Someday, that could be one of you!” 

Bump pointed to the crowd. Following his finger, Luz noticed Amity. She squeaked, beaming. Luz shouldn’t be surprised that she was here, but the fact that Amity was so smiley left her stunned. “Hmm?” 

“And now, I’m pleased to introduce an esteemed Cardinal of the Church and this year’s mystery guest. You know her, you love her! Lilith!” 

The crowd cheered. Luz snickered at the poor choice of name until she spotted to Eda’s shocked face. Lilith appeared like an angel, descending from the heavens as a bright light. “You know her?” Luz asked.

“You could say that,” she answered flatly.

Luz gasped and whispered, “Mysterious past!” 

Lilith, clothed in white, took over the mic. “Thank you all,” she said in a slow, precise voice. “It wasn’t easy for me to rise to the top. I also started from humble beginnings… Now, I have the highest honor of enforcing His Will. So be more! The Emperor’s Church awaits you!” 

Tossing the mic, Lilith vanished in a flurry of feathers. Applause followed her for a while before people started getting up to leave. Luz and Eda left the theatre after most of the crowd had left.

As soon as they were out, Eda took an immediate turn. Grabbing her arm, Luz asked, “Eda! Where are you going?” 

Shaking Luz off, Eda rubbed her bare arms. “I’m going to head home and wash all the essential oils and holy water off my skin.” 

“But we haven’t even take the quiz to determine our faith.” 

Luz pulled out the magazine Willow lent her, but Eda walked away. Clicking her tongue, she read through her options as she walked. “Oh, a punky purifier.” 

Luz crashed into Amity. Amity faced her, snapping, “Watch where you-”

Her eyes lit up with recognition. “Oh, it’s you. Willow’s angel thing.” 

Luz blushed at being called an angel, but she thought it was because she was flustered by Amity’s glare. “Uh… hey, Amity,” she said awkwardly. “So, funny story. Not an angel. Sorry for the confusion last week. I-I’m Luz. The mortal. Hi!” 

Luz held out her hand for Amity to shake. Amity slapped the hand away, surprising her. “Ugh, put that away,” she replied. “You’re the one that got me in trouble with Reverend Bump, and I never get in trouble.” 

“Well, to be fair,” Luz responded with a terse smile. “You were okay with him throwing me in a fire, so-” 

“You can’t be here!” she interrupted. “This event is for Christians only.” 

“Well, I’m learning how to be a Christian. I’m receiving catechism lessons from a fervent Christian and a mighty cherub.” 

Amity leaned sideways, jerking her chin. “Is that your mighty cherub there?” 

King walked towards the pair, carrying a cupcake and making a mess on his baby face. He was wearing several shirts over his onesie and a scarf and hat. “Cupcakes in my tummy-tum makes the King say yummy-yum!” 

A person followed him, a tray of cupcakes in hand. “So, you’ll join the Potluckers?” 

“Hmm,” King hummed while downing the entire cupcake. “Nope!” 

He swiped another cupcake before running away. He spotted Luz. “Oh, hey, Luz! Look at all these offerings-” 

Tripping over his scarf, King couldn’t finish his sentence. His cupcake tumbled out of his hands landing perfectly upright. Amity stepped on it before backing up, and King wailed. “Oops,” she said, putting a hand under her chin. “That was an accident.” 

As accidental as the flood. King crawled to his cupcake as Luz demanded, “Why are you being so mean, Amity?” 

She looked away. “Because you and your putto are giving Christians-in-training a bad name.” 

“I’m not a putto,” King said, clenching the remains of his treat. 

Luz squatted by him, patting his head. “I don’t know what that is, but he’s a throne-bearer of God,” she declared before standing. She pointed at Amity. “I’ll tell you what. It’s one thing to say I can’t be a Christian-” 

“Cause you can’t.” 

Luz curled her hand into a fist. Yes, she could. If she believed in Christ, she was a Christian. But in this world, Christians could do things that she couldn’t. She didn’t have a connection like they did. But that wasn’t going to stop her. “But it’s another thing to bully my friends,” she continued. 

She knew she couldn’t fight Amity, not in a physical sense, but Eda had planted the seed for a terrible idea. “’You come against me with sword and spear, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty,’ she said, clenching her fist. “I challenge you to a pray off!” 

The people around her gasped. The challenge clearly meant something to them that it didn’t to her. Luz wasn’t even sure it was a thing, but now, she was shaking. Amity stalked closer, putting her face uncomfortably close to Luz’s. “I accept,” she replied, smirking. “Let’s set the terms, shall we?” 

She snapped her fingers, calling, “Eli!” 

The angel appeared beside them, causing Luz to jump. “What’s he for?” 

“He’ll observe the declaration of the terms and officiate the oath… Like a wedding,” Amity explained as her smile grew. “Mortal, you really don’t know what you’ve gotten yourself into, huh?” 

Throwing out the word wedding didn’t help Luz sort the words, but her anger kept her intebt in mind. Amity reassured mockingly, “It’s not too late to back out.” 

“No way,” Luz said. “If I win, you apologize to King for squashing his cupcake. And you admit that mortals can be true Christians too.” 

Amity raised her chin. “Fine by me. But when I win, not only do you have to tell the whole forum you’re not a Christion, you have to stop trying to be one forever.” 

Luz didn’t like these terms, but King encouraged her, “Do it, Luz! For my honor!” 

“Fine.” 

Eli took both of their hands and joined them. A glow spread over both hands. When it faded, Amity let go. “The oath is sealed.” 

Luz looked at her hand, still tingling. “That’s probably fine.” 

With a wave from Amity, Eli disappeared. “Meet back inside the theater in one hour,” she said before turning around to leave. She flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Let’s see what kind of Christian you are.” 

Watching her go, Luz clutched her hand. She turned to King. “King, I-I can win this, right?” 

Looking up from his mush, he blinked “Oh yeah, no.” 

Luz whimpered

*****

As Eda tried to sneak out of the forum, Lilith spotted her. “Sister?” she said as if she doubted what she saw. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you last! What are you wearing?” 

Lilith stalked closer, her tiny troop of students following her. Stretching out a hand to touch Eda’s dress, she only waved over it with a perturbed expression. “You look like some sort of trash collector,” she added before smirking and pulling her hand back. “Oh, right. You are.” 

“Oh, Lily. I just had to see the Cardinal of the Emperor’s church in action.” 

Eda bent over to address the kids. “You know, when we were kids, Lilith was so excited to see the Emperor’s Church, she peed a little.” 

The kids surrounding Lilith laughed, and her cheeks tinged pink. “That- that’s all for today,” she declared, motioning for them to leave. “Go in peace.” 

Once they were gone, her polite façade dropped. “You shouldn’t even be here,” Lilith hissed, pointing a finger at Eda. “You’re a wanted criminal! Unless…”

Her eyes widened and she grabbed Eda’s hands. “Oh Blessed be He, you are here to join the Emperor’s Church!” 

“In your prayers.” Eda replied, laughing. 

Lilith glowered. “You think being churchless makes you so much smarter than everyone else,” she said before placing a hand on her chest. “But while you run from the law like a degenerate, I’m mentoring the next generous of faithful Christian students into the world.” 

“Well, I have a student,” Eda retorted, poking her. “And I bet she could wipe the floor with any of your prissy little blue bloods.” 

Not due to any of her teaching, but Luz had a head start. She could quote the Bible and the apocrypha, knew every bit of a church lore, could probably lead a service if she wanted to. “Is that a challenge?” Lilith asked, leaning closer.

“Oh, it’s a promise.” 

“Eda, I need your help!” Luz shouted while running up. “I accidentally challenged Amity to a pray off, and I think she’s going to smite me all the way dead!”

By the time Luz had finished her story, she collapsed on the floor. “Mm, it seems your student has met my most competent protégé,” Lilith commented before bending over to closely examine Luz. “And look at her! Is she mortal?” 

She laughed a little while Luz hid in her hood. “Where did you even find one of these?” 

Standing up, Lilith turned to Eda. “Okay, Edalyn,” she said, holding out a hand. The wanted posters around the convention center burned away in a blue flame. “For one day, you won’t have to hide from the law. Because I want to see how good a teacher you really are.” 

Lilith glided away as Eda kneeled beside Luz. She wrapped an arm around the teen’s shoulders. “Come on, kid. Time to prepare for bloodshed.” 

“But- whose blood?” 

Patting Luz’s back, Eda chuckled uncomfortably. “Anyone’s guess!” 

Eda pulled Luz to her feet, and they found a little space to prep, a darkened nook beside the bathrooms. Popping on a headband, Eda turned to her student.

Who was pacing back and forth in the tiny area. “So, a pray off, what is it?”

Shrugging, Eda answered. “Depends on who you’re fighting. Could just be prayers, could be miracles, or if you’re like me, it’ll get a little rough and tumble.” 

She snorted, and Luz stopped walked. “Eda!” Luz whined, begging her to be serious. “How do I win?” 

“When your opponent gives up, I guess.” 

What kind of system was that? Luz returned to her panicked pacing. “Ugh.” 

“It’ll be fine,” Eda reassured, reaching out to pat Luz’s shoulder as she passed. “Just never throw the first punch. Alright, what kind of miracles do you got?” 

Luz clapped her hands. “Oh, this one! Lord light up my life,” Luz said, looking to the ceiling. Nothing happened. “Yeah no, that’s fair. I got too cocky.”

She couldn’t even summon a miracle consistently. “Oh man, that’s it?” Eda said before sighing. “I hope you didn’t make an everlasting oath to stop pursuing your faith or anything. You’d be finished.” 

Luz held up her trembling hand. “I-is there a glowy hand thing that happens or uh-” 

“Angel appear!” 

Nearby, Amity was practicing with the help of Lilith. Upon her command, Eli flared to life in front of her, blazing a radiant gold. A blinded person crashed into a stall, and Luz winced.

“Oh boy,” Eda commented. 

Luz dropped to the floor, hugging her knees. She rested her forehead against them. “I can’t believe I’m going to have to stop being a Christian!” 

It hurt Eda to see her so defeated. “Listen to me, Luz,” Eda said, drawing Luz’s eye. “We are not going to let those snobs win that easy! We are not going to let them win at all. I’ve got an idea.”

*****

“Beloved citizens,” Lilith said, addressing the theatre’s crowd. “The Emperor’s Church proudly present an impromptu demonstration of the sort of person we seek. Introducing Amity Blight.” 

With a hand, Lilith pushed Amity forward. She had a smug sneer on her face as the crowd applauded. “Woo, Amity!” a kid cheered in the crowd. 

No one knew how, but he already possessed a foam finger with her name on it. 

“Versus,” Lilith continued, gesturing across the theatre’s pit. “Some mortal girl.” 

“A mortal?” one crowd member said as another shouted, “Mortals can’t perform miracles!” 

Luz looked up at Eda. She said she had an idea but didn’t say a word about it while they were heading for the pit. By this point, Luz felt like her whole body was trembling. “Eda? What am I going to do?” 

“Calm down,” she responded, putting a hand on her shoulder. Once the shaking slowed, she jerked a thumb towards the theatre seats. “I’m going to go up in the stands and pray for you.” 

Luz gasped. “That’s cheating!” 

Eda waved a hand. “Nobody will know. To all eyes up there, it’ll look like you’re performing miracles. Just trust me.” 

“But I will know in my heart!” Luz replied, covering her heart. “And God will know.” 

Eda rolled her eyes. “Who cares what He thinks?” she snapped before leaning down to tap Luz’s heart. “Sometimes, you have to do things for you. You want to be able to worship Him at the end of the day, right?” 

“Yeah,” she admitted.

What would God want? For her to cheat and keep worshiping Them, or for her to play fairly and lose that opportunity? There was always the hope that God would step in, but Luz couldn’t expect Them to fight every fight for her.

“That’s the spirit,” Eda responded, patting her shoulder. “See ya!” 

She vanished as a bell rang. Luz whirled around, trying to spot Eda amongst the crowd while Amity sprang into action. “Angel appear!” 

A massive angel of pure bright white appeared before her. Unlike a guardian angel, it possessed a pair of wings. Two of them. “That isn’t Eli.” Amity commented, surprised that the angel she summoned wasn’t her personal guardian. 

Then she smiled. “Show me what you got, mortal!” 

Luz swore under her breath. Just her luck- this was going to be a more hands on struggle. “I’m not good under pressure!” Luz screamed as she ran away from the approaching angel. 

She stopped when she hit the wall, turning back to the angel. Compelled to pray before she met her untimely doom, Luz clasped her hands together, “Lord, strengthen my resolve and deliver me from evil.” 

Repeating it, she waited for something to save her. Out of nowhere, a pillar of flame sprouted, consuming the angel temporarily. Luz knew with a certainty that it wasn’t due to her words, and she felt ashamed. 

Amity was perplexed. “How did you do that?” 

“I, uh, prayer?” Luz answered with jazz hands.

*****

King wandered the convention center, laden with objects and singing to himself, “Things that are free. People are giving offerings to me! I love offerings!” 

There wasn’t a stand or stall that he hadn’t ransacked for free things. All that was left to do was find his people. After exploring the open floor, all that remained was the theatre. It was half-packed and rowdy, but he found Luz’s friends among the crowd. “What did I miss?” he asked, plopping onto the seat beside Willow.

“Luz is in a pray-off!” Willow explained, shocked.

“Yeah!” Gus cheered. “And she can win it all! Yeah-yeah!” 

“What?” King responded, looking down at the pit. He could barely make out the three things in the sand. “Oh, I have got to see this.”

He lowered himself onto the next level and the next. Until he took a misstep, his scarf got caught under foot, sending him tumbling down.

*****

Luz’s entire strategy was shaping up to be screaming and running. Doing that was just enough to give Eda time to perform miracles. A gust of wind knocked Amity over and snuffed the angel out like a candle, leaving only a shell of its former glory. Amity got up, dismayed, “I-I saw you that time! You didn’t say anything! What are you getting at?” 

“Not dying!” Luz called. 

Amity looked confused for a second, then her eyebrows furrowed with concern. This wasn’t a kill or be killed situation. But the expression faded as the angel caught flame again. The angel charged, and Luz took it for another run around. 

“Amity, please! Just forfeit!” 

“Why Luz?” she asked, approaching Luz. “What happens if I don’t?” 

King fell into the pit, and pillars of sand sprung from the ground, hard as crystals. They pierced his clothes, holding him up in the air. “Ah! My gluttony for material objects was my downfall!” 

Luz looked to Eda in the first row, exclaiming, “Spikes?” 

Eda only gave a thumbs-up. “I knew it!” Amity said. “You were cheating.”

Lilith appeared to examine the salt spikes as Eda flung herself over the bar that separated the seats from the pit. “Amity, I-” Luz said, reaching out, but Amity crossed her arms, closing herself off. 

The spikes crumbled under Lilith’s touch. “Oh, Eda,” she said. “I do believe this means you lose!” 

Eda groaned, and Luz continued to try to endear herself to Amity. “It wasn’t my idea to cheat. And when I found out, I tried to stop I, but-” 

“Who could believe anything you say?” Amity replied with a withering look. She snapped her fingers. “Angel, you’re dismissed. Thank you for your service.” 

The angel didn’t move, and Amity frowned, repeating, “Angel!” 

“Wait just a sec, Miss Protégé, that angel isn’t just yours,” Eda declared before whirling to face her sister. 

She jabbed at her, and the angel reacted, trying to move Eda away from Lilith. “It’s hers!” Eda shouted to the crowd, smirking. “You two worked together to perform your miracle!” 

The crowd gasped, and Willow muttered, “She cheated.” 

Eda cheered. “Ah ha! Yes, yes, yes! You cheated. Perfect, prissy Lilith cheated. Hot dang, I love forums!” 

She started singing as Lilith clenched her fists. “I only did that because I knew you would cheat!” 

“Still cheated! Welcome down to my level!” 

Amity was shell-shocked. “But,” she started, her eyes wildly searching the room. Her face went pale. “I didn’t know.” 

She bolted. “Amity, wait!” Luz called, ready to chase after her.

“Luz! Help me!” King pleaded, distracting her. 

Turning around, Luz tugged him down from the spikes. His clothes didn’t come with him, stuck on the pikes that pierced them through. King looked up at them with a wail, “My offerings!” 

“You’ll get more offerings, King,” Luz reassured, patting his head.

With him taken care of, she hurried after Amity. King stumbled, chasing and calling out to her, “Hey, wait for me!” 

Eda didn’t notice the two depart, too busy gloating. “Knock it off,” Lilith chided at Eda’s victory dance. “You’re making a scene!” 

Pointing a finger at her, Eda switched tactics. “You cheated,” she said before facing the crowd. “Hey, where’s the Hymnal denomination? What rhymes with ‘cheated’?” 

“Stop acting like a child!” she demanded.

“You were defeated, don’t get heated, get you stank face treated.” 

Lilith stalked closer. “Rhyme one more thing,” she growled. “I dare you!” 

“Oh, it’s okay, I’m done,” Eda replied, waving a hand. Grinning, she added, “Because my rhymes were depleted.” 

“That’s it!” 

Eda’s face was in the theatre’s sand before she knew what happened. The ringing in one ear served as a solid hint. Spitting grit, she looked up at her sister and smiled. “There she is.” 

*****

Luz found Amity hiding in a dark alcove near the bathrooms. Against the better instinct to let weeping willows sulk, Luz moved closer. “Amity, I’m sorry.” 

“Ugh, seriously?” Amity muttered, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. “Just leave me alone.” 

“I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” she responded, looking at her feet.

“That’s all you ever do!” Amity retorted. “First at school, and now this!” 

That was never her intent. Luz was just living her life; she never meant for Amity to get in trouble at school, just like she didn’t mean for this pray-off to spiral out of control like this. “Yeah, but-” 

“You made me look like a fool in front of the Emperor’s Church,” Amity interrupted, getting to her feet. Her expression hurt to look at. “My future! You think it’s so easy to be a Christian. I have been working my whole life to get to the top!” 

“You lost!” she said as she prodded at Luz. Luz recoiled, unable to meet her eye. “You cheated! Say it! Say you’re not a Christian.” 

Luz sighed, kneeling. Amity stood above her confused as she whispered to herself.   
“Oh God, please work with me this time. I know I did a bad thing back there, letting Eda cheat with me, but you know how important it is for me to be able to worship you. I promised you I’d go to church. How can I do that if I lost the pray-off? Okay, now I’m just getting sidetracked. I’m sorry. I’ll pay penance or something. Just please allow me this miracle.” 

In a louder voice, she said, “’Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me. Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.’” 

She waited with baited breath for a response; before her hands, a small orb of light appeared. Smiling at it, she looked up at Amity. “I’m not a Christian, but I’m studying hard to be one.”

Amity dropped to her knees. 

*****

Eda summoned Artyael out of thin air, but Lilith scoffed. “I don’t need miracles or the supernatural to beat you.” 

Instead of a crosier, Lilith’s weapon of choice was a silver rapier. She drew it from within her cloak before leveling it at Eda, who smirked. “Huh, I think I’d rather have a fist fight.” 

Uttering a prayer, Eda tapped the ground. Pillars of salt reappeared, separating the pair. Lilith shattered them with her blade before skipping forward to attempt to strike Eda. 

She shielded herself with Artyael, a shining sphere covering most of her. Though Lilith’s attacks didn’t ease up. She sought any weak point she could, dipping to Eda’s side and trying to get behind her.

Artyael flew from the staff to attack. He tugged at Lilith’s hair, causing her strikes to falter. She shouted. Swatting him away, she turned her blade to him. As she tried to stab him, Eda said, “Lord, seal this tomb.” 

The sand parted where her staff struck it, and Lilith fell into a deep pit. The sands closed, sealing her in. “Goodnight, sister.” 

Eda almost sounded remorseful. Even now, Lilith was trying to be high and mighty by not using miracles, so it wasn’t fair for her to bury her sister. She shoved down the guilt with a shrug, knowing her sister would be fine. Turning about, she heard, “Enough of this.” 

A shoe struck her hip, sending her back down. This time the end of a sword, inches from her nose, kept her pinned to the ground. “Lily, wait,” Eda said, scrambling to buy time. “The curse. Look at me. Look at my face. The curse is worsening, and I can’t keep up with it. I don’t know how much time I have left.” 

Lilith lowered her sword before crossing herself. She held her curled fingers to her lips before managing, “I’ll admit I was surprised when I first saw you today.” 

Eda smiled pitifully. “I just had to see my sister for… possibly the last time.” 

Lilith’s eyes dropped the ground, the sword forgotten in her hand. “Eda, I-” 

She looked back at Eda only to get smacked in the face by a bag. “Ah!” 

She glared at the snack before spotting her sister halfway to the exit. “It’s been fun,” Eda called, “But let’s call it a draw!” 

“Argh!”

*****

“That’s nothing,” Amity responded, turning away from Luz. “A baby in Sunday school can do a miracles like that.”

Luz sighed and shut her hand around the light, snuffing it out. Hugging her knees, Amity glanced at her. “But I’ve never heard a prayer like that.” 

Shuffling over, Luz leaned against the wall beside her. “I guess,” she responded, looking at her hands. “I don’t have a connection with God like you guys do, so when I pray, I really have to dig deep.” 

Amity stared her down for a second as if waiting for the shoe to drop, the trick to be revealed again. Luz turned red under the pressure. But nothing happened. Amity sighed before calling out, “Eli?” 

The angel appeared as a small pensive teal flame. Amity took Luz’s arm, ordering, “Undo the oath.” 

“Wait, really?” Luz asked, sitting up.

The blue flame swirled over their hands, no warmer than a sunbeam. The pair glowed again before dimming. Eli disappeared, his task finished. At that, Amity got up to leave. 

Luz stared at her hand before looking up at Amity’s retreating form. “Did it work? Can I still learn miracles?” 

“Mortals have no instinct for miracles,” Amity declared before looking at Luz over her shoulder. “But I doubt that’ll stop you.” 

Watching her go, Luz felt conflicted. She stood, and King charged into her leg out of nowhere, hugging it tightly. “Luz,” he whined, giving her puppy eyes. “You left me!” 

“Yeah, sorry.”

She looked down at him, smiling. “Your legs are just so tiny,” she cooed, playing with King’s arms. “Should we get you more offerings?” 

“Nah, that stuff just weighed me down. Never again shall I hoard items on my person like a false god… but I will accept shoulder rides from my faithful attendant.” 

“Alright, alright,” Luz said with a laugh, picking him up to put on her shoulders. 

“Ah yes,” he said, raising his arms. “How imposing am I at this great height. Now away, fair chariot! Away!” 

He kicked his little legs, and Luz moved. Before she could get far, Eda appeared at their side, taking Luz’s bicep to pull her towards the exit. “We got to go.” 

“How’d you get away from Lilith?” Luz asked.

Eda let go, turning to her with a grin. “Let’s just say she had a real ‘snack attack.’ Hah!” she snorted, slapping her thigh. “Wait, I got a better one.” 

Luz stopped, staring at the ground. “Eda, do you ever think I’ll be a true Christian?” 

“What? I don’t know,” Eda replied, a bit panicked. “And who’s a true Christian? These suckers? According to them, that means belonging to only one faith and their rules, but I never joined one and I’m better than all of them combined… You got to be your own Christian.” 

“My own Christian,” Luz repeated with a forming smile. 

“Now,” Eda said, motioning to the exit. “Let’s go before my sister realizes I tied her pointy shoes together.” Lilith screamed from afar. “And that’s our cue!” 

“Sister?” Luz commented. “Now that’s a mysterious past payoff!” 

They walked out the door as Eda responded, “Oh you think that’s all the mystery I got? Wait until you hear about my parents.” 

Parents, alive ones at Eda’s indeterminately old age? Luz wondered if people lived for extremely long times in the Valley, kind of like how people did in the Old Testament. “What? You’ve got parents? I need to know more!”

“You very much don’t,” King grumbled.

*****

Lilith stumbled into her room backstage at the convention center. Try as she might to fix her shoes, it seemed Eda had done irreparable damage. She’d have to cut the laces and get new ones. “Ugh, Edalyn,” Lilith groaned, walking to her dresser without tripping. “You make it so hard to want to help you.”

In her pocket, her phone buzzed. She pulled it out reading the caller ID on the front screen. “Kikimora.” Sighing, she flipped the cellphone open and answered. “Quite an event you put on today,” the woman commented in lieu of a greeting. “I suppose you do remember that you’re meant to capture her, not play games.”

A swordfight with her sister wasn’t what Lilith would call a game, but she didn’t dare correct Kikimora. “I do,” she reassured. “She won’t get away next time.”

“Don’t forget what Emperor Bellows has promised you.”

“We are the chosen generation,” Lilith responded before ending the call. She glared at herself in the mirror, hardening her heart for what she had to do. “Your days are numbered, Edalyn.”


	7. Chapter Six: Wal-purge-is Night

“Watch closely, Luz,” Eda said, holding her quintet of cards close to her face. “Poker is the trickiest game to get winnings from, but any bettor worth their salt knows how to play.” 

Across the coffee table, Artyael’s approximate of a head had a green visor on. His stubby hands somehow held the cards. Without a face, no one could read his expression. Regardless, Eda was grinning and pushing chocolate coins into the pot.  
Art traded out two cards before folding entirely. 

Eda cheered, sweeping the entire pot towards herself. Then she stuck her face in the small pile to breathe in her winnings. “You know, sometimes I wonder what God sees in you,” Luz commented. 

“Me too! No matter what I do the guy loves me,” Eda said with a shrug. She collected the cards to reshuffle. “Now, do you want to play a round? I’ll go easy. No such promise for Art though.” 

Getting up, Luz checked her phone. “No, I think I’m going to- feathers!” 

Eda’s ear twitched. “Has feathers become a verb since I last visited earth?” 

“No, your arm!” Luz said, pointing.

Lifting it up to see, Eda squawked, “Ah!” 

Long pale feathers were sprouting from her forearm. “Your curse is returning!”

Eda ran her hand along the arm, pulling some of the feathers free. “Oh boy, this is terrible,” she said, letting them fall to the floor. “I’m out of elixir.” 

“Uh, last time that happened, you turned into this thing.” 

Luz pulled up a picture of beast Eda on her phone and showed Eda. She grinned, brushing back her hair. “I know I should be repulsed, but that look is fierce.” 

“Eda!” Luz chided. 

“You’re right, you’re right,” Eda replied, getting up. "We need to head to the market.” 

“Market!” Luz shouted, throwing her hands into the air. 

King mimicked her, declaring, “You all are going to buy me candy!” 

Eda nodded, bending over to grab something off the table. “Mm, before we go, would anyone like to play one more hand of- hey, where are my cards?” 

Looking up, she saw that Artyael was holding the deck. He put them inside his chest. “Art, you sore loser,” she grouched, lunging across the table. “Give me back my cards!” 

He disappeared into the crosier, and Eda picked up the staff, smacking it against the doorframe as she left. Luz winced. “Isn’t that kind of sacrilegious?” 

“Ha, what’s He going to do, smite me? More?”

*****

“Hey, open up, Morton!” Eda shouted, slamming a shuttered gate with her fist. 

While Eda was harassing the local purifier, Luz was buying King fruit candies from a nearby shop. They sat on a bench; King insisted she throw the pieces up into the air, so he could catch them in his mouth. He was semi-successful. Luz was more interested staring at all the people going about their lives. “Is there anything better than people watching?” 

Across the street, she saw a familiar face and grinned. It was one of the prisoners she had met, still out and about. And missing a bus. “Wait, wait!” she cried as the bus rolled away. “Aw, dang it.” 

She scuffed her shoe as Luz shook her head. “The curse of tiny legs.” 

King clenched his fist. “I know the pain.” 

The former prisoner squeaked and scattered as different people came down the street; a half dozen people pulled a massive cart of timber. They were cloaked in black, gas masks hanging around their necks. King stood up on the bench. “It’s the Walpurgis Patrol.” 

“Walpurgis, like the saint?” 

King nodded before shoveling a handful of candy into his mouth. “Most days they’re demon hunters,” he said, his mouth full before bearing his teeth and holding up a clawed hand. “The big beasty kinds of demons.” 

“… Which I’m about to become if you don’t open up, Morton!” Eda shouted, pounding on the gate.

Pushing the gate upward, a young man appeared. “Sorry, Eda! I was up all night testing incenses and-” 

Eda slapped a hand on the counter. “Doesn’t matter, pal. I’m all out of my juice.” 

He paled. “Oh, gee. Let me see what I can do.” 

He retreated into his stand. Drumming her nails on the counter, Eda looked to King and Luz. Luz waved at her before her attention turned back to the road. Perking up, she jumped off the bench at the sight of her friends and rushed right over. “Willow and Gus! Heya, friends!” she said, waving. Then she saw their forlorn expressions. “Wait, what’s wrong? Who hurt my babies?” 

“Them,” Willow answered, pointing down the street.

Following her finger, Luz found a quartet of girls chatting and looking at their phones. Amongst them was Amity. Luz felt a rock drop in her stomach. “Amity’s having a Walpurgis Purge Party and invited everyone but me,” Willow continued.

“And she keeps posting about it on her Faith Book account,” Gus said, showing Luz his tiny flip phone screen. 

Luz read the post aloud, “’It’s Walpurgis Night! No vessels allowed.’ What a jerk!” She looked up. “What’s a Walpurgis Night?” 

A wicked smirk spread across Gus’ face as he put away his phone. “Walpurgis Night. When witches and their demons come out to play,” he answered in a spooky voice. 

“Whoa, you guys have witches?” Luz asked before putting her hands above her head and tapping her fingers together. “Like with the pointy hats and everything?” 

“No, Luz,” Willow said, pulling Luz’s hands down. “Witches are serious business. They cause curses and plagues. They ruin lives and society. But tonight’s the night we Christians get back at them.” 

Revenge didn’t sound very Christianly, but Luz tried to keep an open mind. “How?” 

“Mostly by burning big bonfires,” Gus answered with a shrug. “But there’s a ‘better’ tradition… demon exorcism.” 

“Wha-at?” 

“Oh come on, Luz, every Christian teen imagines casting out demons. Just like we imagine turning water into- never mind.” 

Exorcism didn’t sound like a casual fun activity. Luz’s mind drifted to all those horror movies about it. They were in that genre for a reason. “I don’t know, guys,” Luz responded. “How would that even work?” 

“Well, one of us does something bad,” Willow explained. “Which will entice a demon- then we hope it possesses a doll or something instead of one of us.” 

“Oh my God, it could possess one of us.” 

Patting Luz’s shoulder, Willow reassured her. “Luz, don’t worry, it’s easy for a Christian to cast out a demon… But to be safe, you’re supposed to do it with at least three people-” 

“I’m three people,” Luz interrupted before correcting herself, “I mean, we’re three people, and we’d have way more fun than them!” 

The quartet of girls walked by. Luz tried to catch Amity’s eye, but she seemed out-of-it, staring at the ground. Her friend Boscha was not so kind. “Sorry you couldn’t get an invite to the party, Willow. We just didn’t want to risk a person being possessed.” 

By “person,” it was clear Boscha was referring to Willow. So that was what Amity meant by vessels. Bad faithless people predisposed to be possessed. Harsh. 

“Leave her alone,” Amity said with a sigh. “As they say, ‘The meek will inherit the earth.’” 

Boscha rolled her eyes but dropped the subject. As the crowd left, Willow grumbled something under her breath; she took “meek” as an insult. Luz put her hands on Willow’s shoulders. “Don’t waste your time getting growly over them cause we’re going to have our own Purge Party,” she declared. “Huh, that doesn’t sound right… Wal-purge-is Party? Yeah, that’s better.” 

“Are you serious?” Gus asked, shaking Luz. “This was on my bucket list, after owning a modern mortal bucket!” 

“That’s really weird thing to want,” she replied, giving him some finger guns. “But I appreciate your enthusiasm. I’ll go tell Eda.” 

Luz walked over to her as Morton reappeared. “I’ve got good news and bad news,” he said nervously. “Bad news is I’m all out ‘til next week. Good news is feathers are a good look for you.” 

Just while she was standing there, feathers had sprouted from her hairline. Tossing up her arms, Eda sent fluff flying. “Morton!” 

“Well gee, E,” he replied. “Why’d you wait to re-up ‘til now?” 

Eda crossed her arms, turning away. “I’ve been very busy.” 

“Yeah, busy playing poker,” King interjected while throwing candy at her. “She’s obsessed with it.” 

She smacked it down. “I am not obsessed!” 

“You’re playing it right now!” 

Eda looked at the counter; it was covered with cards. In her right hand was a set of five. She looked up at Morton. “…Am I winning?” 

As she cleaned up the cards, Morton leaned in conspiratorially. “You know, I wouldn’t suggest this to just anybody, but if you need your elixir, you can try your luck later this evening.” 

Eda knew exactly what he was suggesting. “In the night market?” 

The night market was known for its reprobates and atheists; they were the worst that the valley has to offer. Morton nodded, cupping a hand around the side of his mouth. “There’s a guy with a stand, goes by Grimm Hammer,” he said in a hushed tone. “If anyone has what you need, it’s him.” 

“Eda!” Luz said, hurrying up to her. “Gus, Willow, and I are going to have a Wal-purge-is party and stick it to Amity, so can we-” 

“Not tonight,” Eda interrupted, looking around. “I’m going out. I need you to watch the house. I have many precious objects in there.” 

King hugged Luz’s leg. “Like me!” 

Eda picked him up. “You’re coming with me. I need an extra pair of eyes for pickpockets, and an extra pair of hands to pickpocket.” 

“Eda, no!” Luz scolded, snapping her fingers. “Number 8.” 

Eda rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, ‘thou shalt not steal,’” she recited before holding up a hand halfheartedly. “Promise.” 

“Maybe,” Luz said, trying to come up with some reason. “They can come to the house to help-” 

“No way,” she interrupted. “Besides exorcisms are dumb. Ugh, and they’re messy. Demons don’t exactly make it easy for you.” 

“But-” 

Eda walked away, ending the discussion. Luz’s shoulders slumped, and she thought of how she’d explain this to the others. “Luz!” Willow called. “What did Eda say?” 

Gus and Willow approached her. Gus grinned, pointing to the sky. “Oh look! The sun is setting, meaning they’ll light the bonfires any moment. It’ll be another year before Walpurgis’ Flames burn again.” 

Beaming, Willow faced Luz. “Oh, I can’t believe I finally have enough friends for a Walpurgis party! Thank you, Luz! Did Eda say it was okay?” 

“Um, yes,” she lied. “Eda said yes. We can do it at the Owl House… as long as we don’t make a mess or touch anything and never bring up that we did it!” 

Luz laughed nervously, but the others weren’t suspicious. “Yes!” Gus cheered as Willow hugged Luz. “Oh, you’re the best!”

As soon as they got home, Eda began preparing for her trip. “Luz, you’re in charge while I’m out,” Eda said, walking into the living room. Most of her form was obscured by a large cloak. “Make sure Hooty doesn’t get into any trouble.” 

“Hoot-hoot! I don’t need a babysitter,” Hooty whined. “I’m a big boy house!” 

“You can count on me,” Luz responded, saluting. “I’d never betray your hard-earned trust.” 

She chuckled uneasily as Eda squinted at her. “You’re acting suspicious. Are you doing that thing where you hide in your hoodie?” 

She was in fact doing that thing; only her nose and eyes could be seen through the tightened drawstring. “Meow I’m not,” she denied before emerging from her hood. “Uh, where’s King?” 

“He’s right here.” 

Opening her cloak, she revealed King in a baby carrier strapped to her chest. “His little body just conks out when he’s weightless,” she commented. “Look at this.” 

She swayed slightly, so Luz could see how he moved lifelessly. “Aw, he’s so dangly,” Luz said, playing with his limp tootsies. 

Eda fixed her cloak before heading for the door. “Anyway, really going now.” 

Luz followed her out. “And Luz,” she added, facing her. “If you mess up the house, I will never trust you again… No pressure! Bye!” 

With a wave, she flew off on Artyael. Luz watched her go, faintly waving goodbye. Once out of sight, Luz turned away. “Ay, should I really be doing this?” 

Luz paced. Lying was a sin. Doing things behind people’s backs was bad. But she was doing it for a good cause. Her friend had never celebrated this holiday before even though it seemed like a big deal. “Yes, I should,” Luz answered herself, strengthening her resolve. “Willow is counting on me.” 

Luz faced the forest. “Okay, she’s gone!” she called in a hoarse whisper. 

They strolled out. “’And we dwelt in the wilderness a long season,’” Gus declared. 

“Makes me feel like we weren’t given permission after all,” Willow commented, rubbing her arm. 

“It’ll be fine, Willow,” Luz said. “Eda won’t even notice you guys were here.” 

“That’s not reassuring.”

*****

“Welcome to the living room,” Luz declared, her arms spread wide. We call it that because it’s technically living! The walls are breathing, look.” 

Willow approached one of the walls, hovering a hand over its quick, shallow bending. “Enchanting.” 

Gus was more intrigued by the clutter. Digging through a chest, he pulled out a busted Gameboy. “And look at all these mortal treasures,” he said before finding a skull. “And actual mortals!” 

Luz nodded, walking to the coffee table. Picking up a bowl of chips, she said, “We’ve got snacks. We’ve got weird music!” 

She stepped over to the record player, moving the needle down. One Tin Soldier by Coven played; it was the only modest track Luz found amongst Eda’s collection, so it was the only thing Luz could play in good conscious. Gus appeared beside her, holding up an odd metal container. “We’ve got a bucket!” 

“Gus, my man,” Luz responded, giving him finger guns. 

Willow joined them. “And best of all we’ve got actual friends to do this with!” she said. “This is so exciting!” 

“So, how does this work?” Luz asked, already nervous. “You said do something bad, right? But how do we know a demon possessed something?” 

“We ask!” Gus answered. “’The seventy-two returned with joy, saying, “Lord, even the demons are subject to us in your name!.”’ Luke ten-seven-ten.” 

“Oh yeah, literalism for the win.” Luz said and high-fived him. 

Then she recalled what they were doing, and that she was going behind Eda’s back. If demons were attracted to bad deeds, then they were in for quite a beast. “And if it’s in something we can’t handle?” 

Willow shrugged. “We cast it out and try again.” 

Luz didn’t know how to feel about that, but her friends were excited, so she was willing to go along. “Alright, let’s sit and join hands.” Willow suggested, sitting in the middle of the room. 

The others sat with her and held each other’s hands. Willow led the chant, and Luz mumbled along, “The power of Christ compels you! Reveal yourself!” 

The house shook, and the trio were spooked. Breaking apart, they searched the room for the object the demon possessed. Gus grabbed a doll, asking, “Is it you, buff little man?” 

“No,” a voice answered, mixed between the unpleasant high-pitched Hooty and something gravely. “It’s I, the fool you all forget, the languishing soul unrecognized, and now, you all shall pay!” 

“Madre de dios, it possessed Hooty!” Luz screamed.

They were jostled again as the house grew legs. Then it began running. Stumbling to her feet, Luz tried not to panic. She burst out of the front door to see Hooty’s face. His eyes weren’t his own; slit pupils pierced into her soul. “Oh hello, do you look forward to witnessing your own death?” 

Knocking the door, Luz tried to get Hooty’s attention. He had to be in there. “Dude, Hooty. You got to stop.” 

“Hooty isn’t home, he’s just the house.” The demon cackled at its own joke. 

“In the name of-”

“Enough of that,” it declared, suddenly dipping forward for Luz to tumble over the side.

“Luz!” Willow called. 

Diving on the narrow strip of grass, Willow grabbed Luz’s hand. But she wasn’t able to pull Luz up on her own. And the demon kept shaking, hoping to dislodge them. “Gus, help me out!” she shouted, straining to keep a hold on Luz. 

Gus appeared by her side, squatting and reaching out to Luz. She caught his hand while grumbling, “God, just stop moving.” 

The demon stopped, growling all the while, “Party-pooping puritans.” 

Gus and Willow worked together to get Luz on solid ground. She laid flat out on the small space, trying to catch her breath. Willow looked to Gus. “How’d we do that?” 

“Willow, Gus, hold hands again,” Luz said before getting up and joining them. “Demon, in the name of God, you won’t move until we give you permission.” 

The demon rolled it eyes, acquiescing, “As you say, you power-tripping tot.” 

Willow squeezed her friends’ hands. “We’re controlling it with the power of friendship! And uh, God. Probably God.” 

“This is amazing! What do we do now?” 

“On one hand,” Luz said, scanning the horizon. She didn’t recognize it; they were on the precipice of a cliff overlooking a river, a hairbreadths from death. “We should return to our lot and exorcise this demon.” 

“On the other hand,” Gus replied. “We’ve got a giant walking house and should totally take it on a joyride!” 

Luz didn’t like this turn of events. They really needed to return home and cast the demon out before Eda returned. “I don’t know.” 

Gus raised a finger, a clear sign that he had something insightful to say. “’Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.’ James 1:2.” 

The “If life gives you lemons” of Bible quotes. To be fair, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. So why not count this trial as joy by making the most of it? “Oh ho, sold,” Luz said. “But we have to get back before Eda does.”

***** 

Eda pretended to not be disgusted by the night market; these were supposed to be her people after all. But there was always something about the place that put her on edge. 

The turnout was smaller than usual because of the holiday, but there was still a bunch of skulking people, trying to peddle their contraband. Contraband here were things that Christians looked down on- Not like the stuff Eda sold, innocuous things that some people had issues with because of their hyper-specific beliefs, but genuine black market goods.

Eda walked past a man with a tray of samples. He rambled on about demon meat being a delicacy any artisan should try. Behind him was a stand offering the finest occult objects the night market had to offer; at least, that was what the seller boasted. Eda ignored them, searching for a very specific person. 

Against a brick wall, a man was strung out. Bending over, Eda addressed him, “Hey you. You know where I can find Grimm Hammer?” 

He lifted an arm slowly, and a tiny demon emerged from his sleeve to point. Eda stifled her feeling of repulsion as she nodded in the acknowledgement. Facing that direction, she found a stand cloaked in shadows.

*****

Riding a house through the woods, watching its big ol’ chicken feet go, was quite the experience. It was like one of those slow-going amusement park rides where the view was more important than the ride itself. Luz enjoyed the heck out of it, but she stood close to the door just in case. 

The others were less cautious and were able to see so much more. Pointing, Willow started, “Hey, is that…”

The trio peered down in the moonlight to see a girl walking on a forest path. She held a Blackberry to her ear and was carrying a duffel bag. Gus answered, “It’s Boscha. That girl who made fun of us.”

“Oh, can I eat her?” the demon asked. 

“No! Gross!” Luz replied. 

Boscha’s loud conversation reached their ears. “Ugh! Yes mom. I’m going to a party. No mom, you can’t come. And yes, mom, it’s sad that you’re asking.” 

Boscha hung up before looking up at the house. “Huh, has that always been here?” 

The teens crouched, and the demon joined the motion with a malicious giggle. The teens fell over because of it but quickly try to huddle together. “She noticed us. What do we do?” 

“I could possess her,” the demon offered, his yellow eyes blinking at the group. 

“What?” Willow responded, looking up to it. “No.”

Gus mentioned, “Well, the other half of Walpurgis Night is… pranks.” 

“Yes!” Luz cheered. “I got an idea. Do you have a miracle to amplify my voice?”

“And the heavenly hosts proclaimed,” he said before holding his hand out to her for her to speak. She stood and called out to Boscha, “Hey, you. You should, uh, stop being so mean to people. ‘Do to others what you want them to do to you.’” 

“Ew, a talking house is giving me a lecture?” Boscha said before looking at her phone. “Whatever. I’ll just TP you after the party. Tis the season.” 

“But don’t you see, I am no mere house,” the demon called, its voice amplified by its own volition.

It hopped to its feet, scaring Boscha, who screamed and ran away. The teens laughed, and the demon basked in its one bad deed. “I’ve never pranked anyone before,” Gus admitted before smirking. “And now I have a taste for it.” 

“We should follow her to Amity’s house to show off our demon,” Willow said. “That will show her who’s meek.” 

“Yes!” the demon shouted. 

Luz ignored it, looking up at the sky. The moon had made quite some progress. She couldn’t guess how long it had actually been, but significant amount of time passed. Eda could be back already. “Actually, I’m starting to think we should head back.”

Gus’ phone buzzed. Pulling it out, he commented, “Amity’s updating her page.” 

He grimaced before showing the others. “Shout out to my fellow Christians. Hashtag mortals can bite it.” Luz gasped, all reasonable thought out the window. “Let’s do it.” 

“Yes!” the demon cheered again, springing to its feet. “I love when people do my work for me.” 

Luz didn’t like the sound of that, but the image of Amity’s shocked face when they one-upped her was the only thing she could think of. This mortal was going to bite it.

*****

Eda poked her head near the closed stand. “Hello?” she called. “Uh, I seek the one they call Grimm Hammer.” 

“I’m the one they call Grimm Hammer,” a voice growled. 

A man stuck his head out of the curtain. His round face and ruddy cheeks made him look more childlike than he really was. Smiling, he pulled aside the curtains to reveal his stand in all its glory.

“Welcome, welcome, welcome!” he said, gesturing to his goods as he spoke. “I’ve got holy relics from the Mount, demon parts from the Pit, and jellybeans.” 

“Jellybeans!” King cheered, catching one as the guy threw them. 

“I promise they’re quite edible,” he said with a wink. 

Eda slapped the bean out of King’s hand, causing him to pout. “Aw.” 

“You’re Grimm Hammer?” Eda asked in disbelief.

Alongside his soft face, he had cutesy attire and was short. Eda expected to see someone like him fronting a choir not selling things at the night market. He nodded, bowing. “Tibblet-Tibblie Grimm Hammer the third. Please, call me Tibbles.” 

King laughed. “He wants to be called that.” 

“Okay, Tibbles,” Eda said before pulling a bottle out of her cloak. “I need some of this elixir.” 

He took the bottle from her hands and held it up to his eye. “Oh, this is one wicked liquid,” he commented, tossing the elixir and catching it. “Lucky for you, I just stocked up.” 

Eda dug out her wallet as Tibbles wandered further into his stall to fetch it. “Hot dang! I’ll give you ten quid.” 

“Add two more zeros, and it’s a deal.” 

“A thousand quid?!” Eda exclaimed, clenching her fist. “What kind of game are you playing?” 

“Capitalism,” he responded, holding up the elixir. “Where everyone wins. Except you.” 

Eda scrambled to come up with something to get the elixir- a trade or barter, anything. If nothing else, she could try to steal it. It was the night market after all. Guards didn’t willingly come around these parts. Bonus points, this polite pipsqueak wouldn’t stand a chance against her and Artyael.

But there was her promise to Luz. Not that Luz would ever know if she stole it. But it still nagged her; she didn’t want to break Luz’s trust. So, she’d have to try something moral first.

She spotted a stack of cards; their ink was bright, meaning they were hardly used. “Say,” Eda started, coming up with an idea. “You play poker?” 

“Really? Now?” King complained. 

“Oh, is that what those are for?” Tibbles asked innocently while picking up the cards. “I was just using these as coasters.” 

He clumsily shuffled them, and Eda smirked. “How about we make it interesting? I win, you give me the elixir. You win, you can take something of mine.” 

“Oh, what fun,” he replied. “You’re on.”

*****

The demon happily stomped the edge of town on its way to Amity’s. From this position, Luz watched people flee their house demon and run towards the bonfires in the hills. 

The bonfires were a sight to see in their own right. They blazed in massive pillars, taller than the adjacent trees. One was set up in every hundred meters, lighting up the forest like a landing strip. 

Not that they were heading anywhere near those bonfires. The demon seemed to avoid the fires with an intense fear. Whenever their path intersected with a flame, the demon would change directions. It made their journey more tumultuous, but no one was complaining.

They came to a mansion on a hill, separated from the rest of the town. Before the house was another bonfire. “Look, Amity’s house,” Willow said, gesturing to the top of the hill. “Time to show Amity what a real Wal-purge-is party looks like.” 

Luz wasn’t even surprised that Amity was rich; that seemed just like her. The demon jerked to a sudden stop. “What happened?” Willow asked.

Turning to the door, Luz found Hooty’s face contorted with fear. “The bonfire,” the demon whimpered. 

“Can’t you just go around it?” Luz asked while petting the door. 

“Uh, guys,” Gus commented, pointing. 

Luz whirled around to see a ballista in the trees. “Is that a… giant crossbow?” 

*****

The Walpurgis patrol captured the house, demon and all. They tied up the trio of teens and left them in the living room. Any explanation on their part was met with barks to be quiet. Luz feared that they would be turned in for committing a crime or something. Why else would the patrol detain them?

The house rocked as the patrol carried them off. The bound trio rolled into the front door. Righting them, Luz called out, “Hooty! Hooty! Are you alright?” 

“Still here,” the demon commented. “And oh yeah, we’re great. We’re not being wheeled to our untimely demise at all.” 

“Oye, no me hable así!” she snapped, kicking the door. Since it wouldn’t be able to do anything, Luz turned to the most competent person in the room. “Willow, can you help me out?” 

Willow shook her head, staring at the ground. “I’m sorry, Luz,” she said. “You shouldn’t ask me to help with anything. This is all my fault.” 

“No, Willow-” 

Luz couldn’t respond as the house stopped, sending them tumbling again. Struggling to sit up, Luz asked, “Dave, what’s happening?” 

“Dave?! Really?” the demon complained. “We stopped moving, duh.” 

“Ugh, my insides didn’t,” Gus said. 

The captain of the patrol kicked the door in, causing the demon to squeak in pain. Looking up at his hooded face, Luz noticed that he wore an eyepatch, a nasty scar poking out from beneath it. Another scar bit into his upper lip, exposing the yellow teeth within. She gulped. 

Bending over, the captain grabbed the rope holding them together and dragged them out. He tossed them to the ground before turning to his comrades. “Take the house and rip out the demon. We can sell it to restaurants as exotic meat.” 

“No!” Luz shouted, trying to think of something to dissuade them. “Hooty would taste terrible.” 

Dave replied, “Hey, we’re a refined taste. Hoot-hoot!” 

One of the other cloaked figures asked, “And what do we do with the kids?” 

“Chuck ‘em,” the captain answered, glancing at them. “We don’t need the hassle.” 

Luz gasped but couldn’t really resist as the same man who asked pulled them to their feet. He shepherded them towards a nearby cliff, grinning all the way. “Alrighty kids,” he said, holding their bindings tightly. “Pray to your God and hope you’re heading up not down.” 

“Wait, wait, wait!” Gus said, wriggling to face him. “Is this really what you want to be doing with your life? Tossing kids from cliffs?” 

“Actually, yes. It’s been my dream since I was a boy,” he answered, putting a coquettish hand to his cheek. He dropped it as he got stares. “I was a strange child.” 

With that admission, he pushed them off. “Whee!” 

They screamed as they plummeted. But thankfully, a spare branch poking out of the cliff caught them. 

“Oh thank God,” Luz said, looking up to see how far they fell. “Though if we’re not killed now, we will be when Eda finds out about the house.” 

Luz didn’t know how they were going to escape this, but she felt somewhat confident that they could. She just needed to remember that miracle Eda used when they were breaking into the Convertorium. Once she remembered, she could have Willow perform it and they’d be out of one deadly situation.

Getting Hooty back would be a whole other ordeal. “Luz, I’m so sorry,” Willow said. “You wanted to turn back, but I just had to show off to Amity.” 

Willow looked down at the tumultuous river below. “The truth is,” she admitted, “She and I used to be friends.” 

Luz’s head slowly panned toward Willow. “Wha-at?” 

“We played together as kids,” she explained. “But when she managed to perform miracles and I didn’t, she stopped hanging out with me.” 

“Guys, is now the best time?” Gus demanded.

Luz ignored him, though he had a point. “That’s ridiculous,” Luz declared, trying to look Willow in the eye as they swayed. “You grew a garden from one seed. You helped control a demon fierce enough to possess an entire house. Amity doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Next to Eda, you’re the most powerful miracle worker I know.”

“No offense, Gus,” she added. 

“No, not at all,” he responded with a shrug. “I know what I’m about.” 

The branch cracked, and the kids yelped. “This tree isn’t going to hold us much longer,” Gus said.

Wiggling, Willow freed an arm. “There.” 

She reached out to a nearby root. “Now if I could just reach that… Gotcha!”

*****

“Oof. That was painful to watch,” King commented, looking down at Tibbles’ royal flush.

The best Eda managed was a set of pairs, losing the hand. Throwing the cards down, she accused, “You card shark. You hustled me!” 

“Looks like you forgot to play close to the vest.” He said before snickering. “In any case, I’d like my prize now. And I choose…” 

He reached across the counter to grab King. “The little furry baby. I’ve always wanted a tiny servant to model my line of baby clothes.” 

King struggled in his grip. “No, I don’t look good in real clothes. Eda, do something!” 

Eda opened her mouth to pray, but the only thing that came out as a squawk. She covered her mouth in shock before noticing how feather coated her arms. Her long nails were darkening, transforming into claws.

“’Make a chain for the land is full of criminals,’” Tibbles prayed with a faux pious voice that was insulting to hear. 

Golden chains appeared, encasing Eda, but she wasn’t ready to give in just yet. Growling, she lunged forward. Tibbles sidestepped her with ease, causing her to fall flat on the ground. “You don’t think I know who you are, Eda the Owl Lady?” 

Eda gasped and went still. “That’s right,” Tibbles continued, tapping the side of his nose. “I’ve seen your wanted posters around here. I wonder how much the Emperor’s Church would pay for me to hand you over.”

*****

On the top of the cliff, the guy explained his narrow triumph over a trio of bound children. “Yeah, they tried to fight back, and they nearly got me. But you know, I handled it,” he boasted. 

His captain was unimpressed, rubbing his temples. “They were children, Tom.” 

Suddenly, the children appeared as a light, glowing overhead as bright as the sun. Willow had saved them from the fall by growing a massive plant. The lighting was for dramatic effect; Luz insisted on it, and Gus seconded it.

“We may be children,” Luz said, jumping off an oversized leaf. “But we’re also Christians. Powerful ones.” 

Holding out a hand, Willow bent plants to her will, having them attack the patrolmen. Gus helped by creating the mirage of heavenly host to aid in the onslaught. While most of the people are distracted, Luz charged forward and swiped the sword of the captain’s scabbard. She cut the ropes holding Hooty down. 

Dave stood up, sticking around for the kids to climb up. Luz stabbed into the gravely base and fought to get onto the landing. Abandoning the sword, she turned to check on her friends. 

“Everyone, quick,” Luz called, holding out a hand to help them up. 

Once everyone’s on board, she faced the door, “We got to go, Dave.” 

“On it.” 

He whirled about, stomping on the patrol’s stuff in the process. They cheered at their harrowing escape before Luz noticed the moon setting. “Oh no, I don’t mean to step on this victory, but we got to get home before Eda does.” 

“And why would I want to do that?” Dave asked as it tromped through the forest. 

Right, they were still dealing with a demon. “Because, we’ll compel you if you don’t,” Willow reminded.

“Aw come on,” it replied. “We were having fun.” 

“We almost died!” Gus said. 

“But you didn’t! God saved you, which means He's cool with what we’re doing.” 

Luz shook her head. “Mm, I don’t think so.” 

“Fine,” he said with a sigh, turning abruptly. “Homeward bound, you spoilsports.”

*****

Laying on the ground, her mind growing fuzzier by the second, Eda did the only thing she could think of. Call out for help. It came out as a whine. Her ability to speak was fading alongside her other cognitive functions. Soon she’d be a full beast, unable to do anything but devour everything in sight. 

She tried focusing on each syllable, crafting them with her mouth before heaving them out, “Ki-ng?”

King sat, pouting, on top of the counter; a child leash kept him from leaving. On top of his onesie, he wore a little sailor’s uniform, including a hat. “King?” King repeated while crossing his arms. “Who’s King? I go by little furry baby, now.” 

“Sor-ry.” 

King jerked his head away from her. “Yeah, sure.” 

Squirming in her chains, Eda ate some cards that were in the dirt beside her. She worried if the impulse to consume was supplanting her thoughts already. Hoping the action would make sense to King, she rasped, “Done.” 

“You promise?” 

Nodding aggressively, she growled, “Prom-is.” 

He chuckled, waving his hands. “Okay, okay.” 

He unbuckled the child leash and stood up. “I’ll grab you the elixir, and then we can bust out of here.” 

“Furry baby!” Tibbles shouted, appearing from within the stand. “You will do no such thing. The Emperor’s Church is already on its way to send this witch here to the Convertorium. And I just rustled up some more clothes for you to try on.” 

He chuckled as he held up a tiny zoot suit. King threw down his hat. “Just because I have a model’s body doesn’t mean you can use me like this.” 

“I can and I am, baby boy!” he said, getting uncomfortably close to King’s face. “I’ve got the cards stacked against you. And nothing can stop me. Nothing!” 

Dave stepped on his stand. Luz called from above, “Sorry, mister!” 

Eda laughed before blinking and staring. “My house?” she squawked. 

King grabbed the bottle while Tibbles was distracted and chucked it. “Eda, catch!” 

Eda caught the bottle in her mouth and chugged it. The effects of the curse vanished immediately. Once recovered, she broke the chains with a whisper. 

“No, no, no! My scam stand!” Tibbles cried, trying to prop up one the broken beams. 

“Sorry, Tibbles, old boy,” Eda said, picking up King and walking away. “It looks like you forgot to play close to the vest.” 

“Curse you, witch. Curse you, furry baby. I’ll have my revenge,” he declared, abandoning the beam to shake his fist at them. “Tibblet-Tibblie Grimm Hammer the Third will have his revenge!” 

Eda waved him off, and the stand collapsed completely, squishing him. 

She worried momentarily about how she’d acquire more of her elixir. She’d only be good for a day, and Morton said he’d be out for a week. She’d have to find somewhere else to buy it. Hopefully, she could just find another purifier in the town over who had some of it. 

That positive thought reassured her as she put King on Artyael. They took off without a word passing between them.

She reached into her pocket to find her deck of cards. She scowled. Gambling wasn’t worth the trouble, she decided. So while they flew past a bonfire, she tossed the cards in.

*****

The house settled into its pit beside the old tower, and Luz let out a sigh of relief. They had made it home with no further issues, and by the looks of it, Eda wasn’t here yet. The door swung open, so Dave could talk to the kids inside. Luz awkwardly clapped her hands together. “Okay Dave, it’s time to go.” 

“Are you sure I can’t stick around?” Dave asked, wriggling its nonexistent eyebrows. “I can go dormant. You’ll never even know I’m here!” 

“So you can digest us in our sleep?” Luz responded. “No way.” 

“I’ll see my way out then.” 

“Sorry, we have to cast it out,” Gus interjected. “If we don’t, it’ll stick around the valley and cause more trouble.” 

“Oh, sorry Dave,” Luz said. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll miss you.” 

“Thanks kid, I’ll miss you too.” 

Then Dave left. Hooty blinked, his eyes returning to their solid brown. “Oh hey, guests!” He said as if just noticing Willow and Gus’ presence. “Wow, it’s so nice to have someone to talk to!” 

“Oh no,” Luz said, turning to Willow. “We got to get him bac-” 

The door slammed shut with Eda and King behind it. Luz tensed. “Oh boy.” 

“You are so busted,” Eda said. 

“Oh man.” 

“You held a Walpurgis Purge.” 

“I did,” Luz admitted, leaning away.

“And you got my house possessed. Possessed!” 

“Yes.” 

“No, wait,” Willow intervened, stepping between Luz and Eda with her arms raised. “Don’t punish Luz. We’re the one who pushed her into having the party.” 

Gus jumped in beside her. “If you’re going to curse us just do it now. Do it now!” 

“Hey, you didn’t have to do that,” Luz whispered to Willow, who shook her head. “Yes, Luz. I did.” 

“Well, you’re all guilty,” Eda reasoned. “So you’ll all be punished by cleaning my house top to bottom.” 

Cleaning supplies were summoned from afar, crashing into their hands. Raising a finger, Eda added, “And another thing…” 

The kids cowered. “That was totally amazing,” she finished with a grin. “And I’m so joining you for next year’s Walpurgis Night. Now get to work.” 

The kids hurried off to clean. Eda sighed and flopped onto the couch. “I can’t believe they had Hooty possessed,” King commented, climbing to rest beside her. 

“Yeah, they must’ve done something pretty bad to attract a demon like that.” 

Eda smirked, thinking about how they were also able to manage it; they were mischievous enough to attract big trouble, but holy enough to handle it. They must be pretty special.

Mopping the floor, Luz commented, “Guess we’ve learned that we shouldn’t let social media influence our decisions. Jesus spoke against societal pressure.” 

Gus nodded as he dusted the mantel, doling out a quote, “’Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.’ Galatians Ch.1:10.” 

“I still wish we got to show up Amity,” Willow admitted while putting books back on shelves. 

Luz huffed. “Me too.” 

“Too bad no one will know of our daring adventures.”

*****

Amity’s room was a mess. A disturbed circle of salt covered most of the floor. Some of the salt was dissolved by water. And blood. Books were strewn across the floor alongside clothes and jewelry. Then there was the broken vase, the cause of the blood, and a cracked portrait frame. If one stepped into her room, they’d assume a tornado blew through.

The girls didn’t care though. Most of them were passed out on the queen-sized bed, assured that a butler would take care of it in the morning. Plus they were too worn out wrangling the demon to bother cleaning up its mess. Even their pajamas showed signs of their chaotic night, torn and stained. Before they fell asleep, they all promised to never speak of this night.

Amity couldn’t sleep. She sat on the broad sill of a window, staring out at nothing. Her thumb rubbed circles over the gauze covering her palm. It hurt, but she couldn’t seem to stop. 

It was all her fault. The mess, the stress she put her friends through. She wasn’t good enough. Still not good enough.

‘And he will separate them one from another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.’

“I’m not a goat,” she muttered, applying more pressure. “I just have to try harder.”

Her phone buzzed, bringing her out of her stupor. Her feed was full of posts talking about a demonic house. Some had pictures. In the clearest one, she could make out Luz, Willow, and Gus standing in front of said house. 

“What?”


	8. Chapter Seven: Dazed and Dragged

“’And Asenath quickly left her father and her mother and ran upstairs and went into her room and stood at the big window that looked towards the east, so as to see Joseph as he came into her father's house… And Asenath saw Joseph and she was cut to the quick, her stomach turned over, her knees became limp, and her whole body trembled. And she was much afraid and cried out and said, “Where shall I go, and where can I hide myself from him? And how will Joseph, the son of God, regard me, for I have spoken evil of him?”’” 

“Luz,” King warned. “You’re getting all swoony again.” 

“I can’t help it,” Luz replied, holding the book close to her heart. “Joseph is able to convert even the most heartless of pagans to his faith. And it’s a romance! I’m a sucker for romances.” 

The Book of Joseph and Asenath was hands down one of her favorite pieces in the apocrypha. It gave more detail to Joseph’s life, specifically how he came by his wife, Asenath. She convinced King to sit and listen as she regaled him with the fanciful tale. 

“Pagans are meant to be annihilated not converted,” he said before resting his chin on his hands. “Now keep reading. I was promised an assassination plot.” 

“That’s in chapter twenty,” Luz said before diving back into the story, ‘And Joseph came into Pentephres’s house’-” 

“Ding-dong,” Hooty interrupted. “Hoot-hoot!” 

Hooty opened the door to reveal a package. Hopping to his feet, King pointed at the book. “The book has come to life! Burn it!” 

Luz set aside the book, getting off the couch. “Hmm?” Luz hummed while approaching it. It was a cute little basket, its contents covered by a blanket. “Eda, you got a package. It looks like a gift basket.” 

She picked it up and brought it into the kitchen. King followed, climbing on the kitchen counter to see what it was. “Probably an offering,” Eda said as she walked into the room. “Ah, being the mightiest miracle worker in the Boiling Valley has its perks.” 

She pulled back the blanket, and Luz squeaked. It was a baby. “Dios mio, it’s like Moses!” Luz exclaimed, reaching out to rock the basket. “We have to keep him.” 

“No! I’m the only baby in this house!” King said, stomping his foot. 

He found a note tucked into the blanket. “There’s a note. ‘Take care of my child ‘til morning. Yi yi.’” 

“Nope,” Eda responded, giving two thumbs down. “Babies are awful. Not happening.” 

“’You’ll be handsomely rewarded. Blessings, Bat Queen.’” 

“Bat Queen?” Eda echoed.

King took a few coins from the folds of the blanket. Eda brushed the fingers against them, her pupils going large. “Reward?” 

“Who’s the Bat Queen?” Luz asked.

“The wealthiest entity in the valley. Get in with her, and you’re set for life,” Eda answered, setting her hand on the basket’s handle. “So, we keep this thing alive for a few hours, and we get paid. Pfft. Easy.” 

Luz was excited beyond belief. “Our greatest adventure yet! Learning about love and life through a child’s eyes.” 

“Not you,” Eda said, suddenly bending over. “You have to return the books I checked out from the library.” 

She reappeared with a stack of ten books, high enough to impair Luz’s eyesight while they were shoved into her arms. She heard Eda whisper to King, “I don’t want her getting a cut of the loot.” 

“Good thinking,” he replied. 

“Eye of the needle, Eda,” Luz chided. 

Eda waved her off. “Now let’s take a look at this little darling.” 

She removed the blanket to find winged arms, and the baby screamed. “Ah!” Eda said, covering her ears. 

“Oh boy.” King responded, mimicking her. 

“On second thought, maybe we could use your help!” Eda shouted to Luz who was halfway out the door, calling back, “Well, I better get to the library. Got to go! Bye!” 

Eda looked to King. “We got this, right?”

*****

Luz stumbled into the library, only for the books to float out of her hands. “Huh?” 

Peeping underneath the books, she spotted little flickers of flame. The wisps drifted over to the counter where a man was waiting to receive them. “Late, late,” The librarian said before pausing to brush one cover clean. “Coffee, grass, and bloodstains? These are Eda’s, aren’t they?” 

“Yeah,” Luz said with an awkward chuckle. “That was a crazy night.” 

He sighed, turning to his white blocky desktop that looked like it was decades old. “I’ll put them on her tab,” he responded, typing away. “By the way, we’re closing early for Sant Jordi’s Day.” 

Luz perked up. “Oh, do you guys believe in saints?” 

“Some do, but most participate because it’s a fun holiday,” he answered before looking up at her. “Didn’t you see the stands set up outside?” 

Luz laughed uncomfortably. That would explain all the people she kept bumping into with her stack of books. “So what’s Dia de Jordi about?” 

“You’re in a library. Historical section is the 900s.” 

Luz scurried off while shouting thanks. She got shushed in return. 

She wandered around the library, thinking about how it reminded her of ads from the 90s. All the computers are thick beige plastic. The carpets were coarse and patterned, and the towering bookshelves were a dark wood. The only thing that suggested its supernatural location were the colorful flames that wandered around serving as library attendants. 

Luz was able to ask one to take her to the 900s, and it led the way, flickering pure white when they got there. “Thank you,” she whispered.

The flame disappeared. Facing the shelving, Luz was confronted with hundreds of tomes. Some of the books had illegible spines and dozens more were too thin to have anything written at all. Luz searched the section alphabetically until she heard, “What do you think you’re doing?” 

Luz squeaked. “I’ve been caught. Pretend to be a book.” 

Luz put her arms up while her head retreated into her neck. After a minute, she realized no one was coming for her. In fact, there was laughter. “Wait a sec,” Luz said, tracking down the source of the sound.

“’I’m here to save you, Andromeda!’” Amity said with a lower voice. “And with that, Saint Jordi drew his sword and leveled it at the dragon.” 

Kids gasped, and one shouted for Jordi to stab it. Amity only giggled, and Luz was starstruck, hiding behind a shallow shelf of manga. “Amity reading to kids?” 

“The dragon put up a fearsome fight of flame and fang, but the devil was no match for God’s chosen warrior. It was slain and its blood was spilt… From the blood came a single red rose. Sant Jordi bestowed the princess the rose, and they departed the cave. Outside, the entire kingdom cheered and celebrated. They had been freed from the curse of the gluttonous dragon. And it was all thanks to God and his champion of justice.” 

With that, Amity shut the book. “This is what we’re celebrating today,” she explained, much to the children’s excitement. Her smile widened as she leaned down to add, “Don’t forget the town is having a re-enactment this afternoon in the plaza, but beware, a real dragon always roams free on Sant Jordi’s Day.” 

The kids laughed like it was a joke before slowly starting to get up. “Amity seems so nice and smiley,” Luz said to herself while grinning. “Maybe I can befriend her, show her I’m worthy of her faith like Asenath.” 

The kids said their goodbyes, and Amity walked them to the edge of the children’s section. One child went so far as to hug her. She reciprocated. “Goodbye Miss Amity. Thank you.” 

“Thank you, Braxas. See you next time.” 

“Yay!” 

Braxas squealed as they ran off. Amity’s warm gaze wandered from them to where Luz crouched. She did a double take before her joyful expression dropped entirely. “Ugh, it’s you.” 

“Amity,” Luz greeted, standing up. 

She tried to set an elbow on the bookshelf, but she accidentally knocked over a book instead. “Whoops.” 

They both reached for the book, but Amity stopped as soon as she saw Luz in motion. “Reading to kids,” Luz continued awkwardly as she put the book on top of the shelf where she found it. “Wow. Looks like this sour lemon drop has a hidden sweet center.” 

Amity rolled her eyes. She put the book in its proper spot. “It’s for extra credit. Don’t get your leggings in a bunch.” 

Amity walked back to her reading spot on the far side of a colorful carpet. “Hey, I could help with the kids,” Luz offered, following her. “We could take turns reading. And do voices. I do the best m o n s t e r v o i c e.” 

“Mortal!” Amity said, silencing her by slamming down a book. 

She turned around to glare at Luz. “Do you see me going to the Owl Shack and bugging you while you… fry up owls? Okay I don’t really know what you do there, but every time you come near me, I get in trouble. Just leave me alone.” 

Turning away, Luz lowered her head. “I’m sorry,” she responded, hating how she sounded like a kicked puppy. “I’m sorry.” 

Amity almost immediately crumpled, reaching out to apologize, but she let Luz walk away. “Things are never as easy as in the Bible,” Luz muttered to herself while pressing a fist to her forehead. 

She thought about praying on it, hoping God can help her succeed when someone commented, “You going to let her get to you like that?” 

Looking up, Luz found twins. They were striking with their cat-like eyes and crooked smirks, but she only really processed that they were wearing Hexside uniforms. She didn’t acknowledge their question, asking instead, “Who are you?” 

“Well-wishers on a mission,” the guy said with one of his hands behind his back. 

“A noble quest,” his sister added.

“Watch this,” he said, facing Amity. “Hey, Mittens.” 

Amity groaned, turning about with a red face. He held out a bunny bag that Luz thought was super cute. “Mom says stop forgetting your lunch,” he commented as she walked over to them. “And stop being a jerk to your friend.” 

“She is not my friend,” Amity replied, snatching the lunch bag from his hand. 

Luz grimaced; she knew that was the case, but it still hurt to hear Amity say it. Suddenly, one of the twins wrapped her arm around Luz’s shoulders. “Aw come on, Mittens,” she said. “Where’s all that good Christian spirit about turning the other cheek?” 

If anything, Amity managed to get redder. “You know that’s not what that quote means. It’s turn the other cheek, so your enemy can hit you a second time, and I’m not getting hit anymore! Now all of you, scram!” 

Amity stomped away as the twins chuckled. They circled Luz, examining her from every angle before one commented, “So, you’re the mortal we’ve heard so much about.”

“I’m Emira,” the girl introduced before leaning an elbow on her brother’s shoulder. “And this is Edric. We’re Amity’s older siblings.” 

Older siblings. That made so much sense; not that Luz had older siblings to gauge sibling-to-sibling interactions with, but the three of them did look quite alike. The same hair color and face shape and casual beauty, as if they didn’t even try, yet they looked- Luz shook her head.

“We heard how you embarrassed her at school and the forum last week,” Edric said. “No wonder she hates you.” 

Oh God, she told her family. Did that mean that the twins disliked her too? “I know, but I didn’t mean any of it,” Luz insisted, anxiously rubbing her face. “I thought we were as cool as cucumbers, but we’re as sour as pickles.” 

“Don’t waste your time with Mittens,” Emira said with a wave. “Me and Ed, we’re way more fun. Follow us.” 

Emira began walking back towards the entrance. Edric winked at Luz, and she was sold, hurrying after them with a blush tinging her cheeks.

Turned out, the fun they wanted to have were pranks. Lighthearted ones that Luz would excuse; no one was getting hurt. She noticed their uniform ties were a light blue, the same as Gus, meaning they must be a part of the Literalism denomination at school. It certainly explained some of their actions.

Walking by a directory sign, Em nudged Ed. He boosted her on his shoulder,s so she could erase the “Fiction,” leaving only Non-fiction on the board. Once on the ground, she declared, “Timothy one dash four. Don’t devote yourself to myth.” 

The pair snickered as they hurried away; Luz followed, unsure how that was funny until she heard a hysterical librarian screaming about everything being factual. His reaction alone got a smile out of her.

The next idea was Ed’s. He brought them to an ice box left by the front door. He popped it open to show it was full of fresh fish. Looking at Luz, he explained, “Luke four-four. ‘Man shall not live by bread alone.’”  
Emira picked up the box, and they wandered the main room, handing out fish to anyone they could. And when people rightfully tried to say no, the twins dropped the fish by them and sprinted away before the person could react. 

Luz still didn’t get it because the rest of the quote was “But on the word of God.” But it was a nicer prank, considering it was giving people food. 

Abandoning the cooler by the front counter, they had one last prank in mind. Something they claimed may not even work because they hadn’t tried it before. A particular miracle. Luz was intrigued from the word miracle and insisted that they should try it. 

“Okay, okay,” Ed said before holding out his hands. “Romans 12:2 ‘Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.’”

With a series of crackles and pops, all the computers in the library went offline. The teens exchanged shocked looks before laughing it off. 

It was at this point, the head librarian appeared carrying a pile of stinking fish wrapped in yesterday’s newspaper. Beside him was a scowling Amity and his easily upsettable coworker, who collapsed to his knees at the sight of the broken computers. “You’ve made reading far too fun,” the librarian declared before pointing to the door. “Now stay out.” 

Luz doesn’t feel all that bad about being kicked out of the library while laughing. “Amity’s even madder at me now. I didn’t think that was possible.” 

“No,” Ed replied. “When Mittens gets mad, she looks like this.” 

Ed screwed up his face and held his breath to turn bright red. With a sudden exhale, he swayed on his feet. “Whoa, I almost passed out.” 

“You’re pretty fun, mortal,” Em commented before leaning in with a coquettish hand under her chin. “So hey, we’re coming back tonight. There’s a certain book we forgot to check out.” 

She wagged her eyebrows as Ed mimicked her pose. “And bonus, rumor has it that all the Sant Jordi’s re-enactment stuff will be kept here in the library after the performance. You in, friend?” 

The thought of seeing the swords and costumes and the fake dragon was exciting considering she missed out on the performance; plus, she also wanted to spend more time with Amity’s siblings. Her answer was easy. “Sure.” 

“Great, meet back here at ten,” Ed replied. “See you, Luz.” 

“Bye,” Luz said, waving as they left. “This is great. First, I befriend the siblings, then I befriend the Amity.” 

She squealed in excitement before hurrying down the stairs. Near the entrance, hiding in the shadows, Amity overheard everything. She turned bright red for a second before she gasped. “Phew! Almost passed out.”

*****

“It’s been hours,” King shouted, his hands tucked into the hood of his onesie. “How can it keep screaming?” 

Since Luz left, they moved to the couch. With the wailing baby. Who hadn’t stopped. “Oh, I hate it too, pipsqueak,” Eda replied. “But think about the money.” 

“No amount of gold is worth this torture! Make it stop!” 

Eda rolled her eyes and dug her fingers out of her ears. “I can’t believe I’m about to do this.” 

Eda picked up the baby, who immediately went quiet. Eda started rocking him. “Rock, rock. Maternal gesture.” 

Luz walked in the front door, very hyped. “I just had the best day,” she said, pumping her fists. “Cool teens like me. Call me a library book ‘cause they were checking me out.” 

She blushed at the implication of her words before turning her attention entirely on the scene at hand. “Aw Eda, you look so motherly.” 

As Luz put a hand over her heart, Eda gave her a sharp look. “Say that again, and I steal your tongue.” 

Luz clicked her tongue. “How can you say that around this cute little baby?” 

She reached out to stroke the baby’s chin as he trembled. A bright light blinded them, and when they recovered, they found three babies instead of one. And they could fly with their little bat wings. And they were on fire. 

“Whoa, well parenting sure looks rewarding,” Luz said, backing away. “E-enjoy your life lessons. Bye.” 

Luz ran out. King looked at Eda. “Uh, for-for the money?” 

“For the money,” she repeated before yelping and diving out of a flaming baby’s way. 

*****

Ducking out of the house early, she got back to the library well before ten. At least the sun had set, but she still had plenty of time to question her decisions. “Is this the right thing? I mean it’ll be breaking and entering, right? And who’s to say they’re actually going to check out the book- what if they just steal it?” 

Luz paced in front of the entrance. “But the props, they’ll be so cool. But we could damage them. Who’d pay to fix that? Certainly not Eda, and I don’t have any valley money.” She grumbled. “Maybe I can just set bound-” 

“If you have doubts, you don’t have to join us.” 

“Huh?” Luz whirled around to see the twins. 

Edric gestured while asking, “You ready to bring this whole, uh, whatever you’re doing inside?” 

“Mmhmm.” 

Nodding, Luz pushed down all her worries and joined them at the door. “It says no trespassing, but I believe in Acts 4:32,” Ed said with a smug smirk. “’All things are common property.’” 

He reached for the doorknob, and there was a click before his hand wrapped around it. Bowing, he pulled it open. “Wow,” Luz whispered, filing that miracle for later. 

“Come on,” Emira said as she bowed jokingly to her brother. 

Luz gave an awkward bow too before scrambling inside after Em. Ed shut the door behind him. “Standing in a dimly lit lobby,” Luz commented, looking around. “You guys know how to party.” 

Set behind the counter, there was a half-dozen cardboard boxes. None of them were labelled, and they were only folded shut. “There!” Ed shouted. “The props.” 

“Dibs on princess!” Em called, running over. 

“Dibs on dragon, duh!” Ed responded, chasing her. 

Luz was left at a standstill, unsure what to do. “I guess I’ll be Jordi then?” 

“Rats, I won’t stand a chance,” Ed joked as he vaulted over the counter. 

Luz blushed at the compliment but brushed it off to rummage through the props. “And I get a dashing savior,” Em added. “For once.” 

“Hey! I’m the most dashing.” 

“You’re going to be dashing out of library as soon as Luz finds her sword.” 

“Oh ho,” Ed replied, supporting her burn even if it was about him. 

Luz opened a box to find crusader gear. “Huh, uh, what’s this about?” She asked, picking up a tabard with the telltale cross.

Holding a dress up to her body, Emira explained, “Oh you see, Jordi also helped beat back the Muslim Moors.” 

Luz frowned. “I don’t like the sound of that.” 

Edric tried to reassure her, “It’s not a part of the re-enactment. It’s just the inspiration for his costume.” 

Lowering the cloak, Luz hummed. “Mm, I’m less comfortable being Jordi now.” 

“So, you aren’t the type of Christian who hates other religions? Noted,” Em said before Ed stepped in, “You could play the princess instead. Lord knows you’ll be a nicer one.” 

“Oh ho, I can’t wait to run you through.” 

Em took Jordi’s tabard and slipped it on. She tossed the dress to Luz before hunting for the sword. 

“Ha-ha!” Ed laughed, pulling out a long… something. 

It was black and red and massive. Luz wouldn’t call it a dragon costume, but Ed set about putting it on anyways. Luz looked at the dress, uneager to put it on. She’d rather not risk damaging it. Plus, she didn’t want to be some passive princess. She set it aside before declaring, “If I find the sword first, I’m using it.” 

“Challenge accepted!” Em replied as Ed tried not to swear while struggling to get his costume on. 

Emira dove into the box that held Jordi’s outfit while Luz chose one that rattled when she touched it. Opening it, she found a dozen of swords, but only one was Jordi’s; its blue hilt was clearly labelled. “Yes!” Luz cheered, grabbing it.

She pulled it out before her arm dropped. The sword was real, and it was dense. “Whoa!” 

The tip of the sword clinked against the ground, but Em applauded. “Nice, now you just got to stab Edric.” 

“I’ll try.” Luz responded, lifting up the sword with both hands. 

Edric turned about in his dragon costume. Luz snickered at how the tail end of the dragon sagged; the costume was clearly made for two, but he made it work. He fake growled, raising a clawed foot. Luz tried to swing the sword but nearly fell over. “No, my weak nerd arms!” 

“I’ll take it from here, princess.” Em said, plucking the sword from her grip. 

She gripped it with both hands but was much more graceful when she moved it. “Now stay back!” Em said, taking on a defense pose. “We don’t know what this dragon is capable of.” 

“Fire!” Ed shouted. 

The girls waited to see if that was true. Luz didn’t think the fabric costume, as nice as it was, was capable of producing fire.

But sure enough the wisps of the library responded to him. The little attendant charged forward as red-orange flames. Luz and Emira ran. 

Luz wondered if they’re burning bush kind of fire or actual fire. The last thing she needed to do was accidentally set the library on fire. 

Luz and Em split up, but Luz hardly noticed as she reached the safety of the children’s section. She chuckled, listening to the others shouting and sparring. She looked down to see the Sant Jordi book on a small table. She picked it up.

*****

The babies were still causing a ruckus, even late into the night, and their caretakers were at their wits end, hiding under the overturned couch. “What silences children?” King asked. “What if we invent a TV network for ages six to eleven?” 

“That’s insane,” Eda replied before groaning. “Ah, there’s only one way out of this.” 

Eda drew a knife. King gasped. “Apple slices and story time,” Eda declared, pulling an apple out of her hair. 

The babies calmed down at the sight of food. Eda awkwardly set the slices on the ground for the little balls of fire to consume; one by one, their flames went out, and they drifted to the floor. “All right, brats,” she said, sitting in front of the couch. “Let’s do this.” 

A book flew from the shelf and into her hands. “Ugh. Being parental is making me sick.” 

King and kids circled up for story time as Eda cracked open the book. “Jordi was a priest who traveled the world. And everywhere he went, he solved people’s problems. The worst problem he ever faced was the Dragon on the Iberian Peninsula…”

*****

“’…For years, the people of the Kingdom appeased the dragon with lambs. But they ran out and were forced to offer it people. Every year, people drew lots to determine who would be fed to the dragon. One year, the princess was chosen.’ Oh drama. I mean I know the princess gets saved, but-” 

“Luz! There you are.” 

Luz slapped the book shut. “Yep, hi!” 

She stared at the dragon costume, held in Edric’s arms, not seeing any damage, then Emira, whose hair was a bit singed, but she looked fine. “Uh, who won?” 

“It was a tie,” Ed said, awkwardly shifting. 

Luz didn’t know what to say. “Sorry about that… Do you want to try again?” 

Nudging Ed, so he dropped the costume, Em declared, “We didn’t come here just to stab each other.” 

“I didn’t come here for that at all!” Ed responded. 

“Come on,” Em said, jerking her head to the side. 

Luz followed them to the romance section. “Oh wow. Boiling Valley romance. That’s totally lame. I mean, unless you guys are into it?” 

“I think I’m into this one,” Ed commented, tugging a book- the Lone Girl and the Secret Room. 

The panel of books moved to reveal a secret room. “That’s a good book,” Luz said, stepping in. “Your clubhouse is like my ultimate secret hideaway.” 

In many ways, the room was like a miniature library; shelves of books, a desk to work at, and a nice chair to lounge in. Ed scoffed as he walked along the shelves. “We don’t hang out in the library.” 

“This is Amity’s secret hideaway,” Emira explained, leaning in.

Luz didn’t like this. Immediately. “Mittens has gotten too full of herself,” Ed said. “She keeps tattling on us when we cut class.” 

“She needs to learn not to mess with people like that. Where’s her golden rule? If she’s revealing all our secrets…” 

“We’ll reveal all of hers, so we’re going to find her diary.” 

“And then post the pages all around school for everyone to see.” 

They laughed. “What?” Luz replied horrified. “Isn’t that taking it a bit too far?” 

“No, see we’re her family,” Em said, putting an arm around Ed. “Her elders. It’s tough love. She needs to learn to lighten up.” 

They began searching the desk. Luz decided that she would fake looking around to hopefully discourage them. Pacing in front of one shelf, she said, “Hmm well, I don’t see any diaries in here. Nope, nothing. Let’s just leave. Wait, are those…” 

Luz stepped closer. The apocrypha. Nobody kept the apocrypha, let alone read it. Nobody but her, she thought. She reached out and grazed a hand along Amity’s collection. Book of Judith, Sirach, Maccabees, Manasseh, Hermas, Clement. It was honestly impressive. “I didn’t know you guys read these!” She commented excitedly. 

One lacked a title, so she pulled it out. The cover featured the Emperor’s symbol. She opened it, noting the text was near illegible as intricate calligraphy. Luz smiled at it, thinking it reminded her of the old print books. But then she actually processed the words. 

‘I saw that mortal girl again.’ Luz cringed but she looked back. ‘I may have overreacted. I don’t want to come off as cruel. I just can’t show weakness.’ “No,” she said aloud, shutting it. 

“What’ve you got there, Luz?” Ed asked. 

Tensing, she faced him and spouted the first lie she thought of. “Oh, nothing. The Emperor’s Church’s catechism.” 

She showed them the cover with the emblem. But holding it up gave Ed the chance to snatch it; he flipped it open and read the random page, “’It’s not fair. I’m the only one who knows Ed and Em aren’t perfect. Why do they keep getting away with things?’ This is it.” 

Em gave Luz a look. “Luz, were you hiding this from us?” 

Ed clapped the book shut. “You see how she treats people. And how she treats you.” 

“I know Amity can be kind of cold, but no one deserves this. These are private thoughts. Let’s put it back.” 

Luz reached out for the diary and a tug of war ensued. “She needs this.” Ed said, and Em added, “It’s for her own good.” 

The binding broke, and some pages escaped. Luz won tug of war when the twins gave up and proceeded to pick back the loose papers. She caught some sentences- ‘I wish I had somewhere to go.’ ‘Why won’t the human leave me alone?’ ‘Has God forsaken me? Why did-‘

“Really?” 

Luz’s eyes popped up. Amity’s face was red from the tips of her ears to her neck. “Argh,” Luz groaned. “It’s not what it looks like.” 

The twins laughed. “You two are the worst,” Amity said giving them a withering glare. She took the diary from Luz. “But you…” 

Her eyes dropped to the ground, the red abating. “I’ve been trying to figure you out. Are you made for wrath, destined for destruction, or are you a vessel of mercy? It’s clear now that you’re the former. You’re a bully, Luz.”

Spinning around, she ran away. “Amity,” Luz called, stepping out of the exit. 

Laughing some more, the twins joined her. “Aw, Mittens killed the fun,” Em said with a sigh. Ed added, “Again.” 

Then they shrugged. “Oh well,” he said, turning to Luz. “We’re headed out to go spook shepherds. Want to come?” 

Luz couldn’t believe them. “You’re just going to leave?” 

“Yeah, with you.” 

“Look,” Luz started, backing away. “You guys are cool.” 

But morally corrupt, Luz politely did not add as the twins nodded along with her words. “But I need to go talk to Mittens, I mean, Amity.” 

“Alright,” Em said, twirling around. “See you around, cutie.” 

Luz blushed before shaking her head and patting her cheeks. Priorities in check, she ran in the direction she saw Amity go. “Amity, wait!” 

She found her in a random aisle. Nestled against a bookshelf, Amity looked to be trying to put the diary back together. When she glanced up, she saw Luz and stood. “First, you embarrass me. Then you want to be my friend?” she said, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “I don’t get you. Pick a side.” 

“Please,” Luz pleaded, grabbing Amity’s arm. “Just hear me out.” 

Amity tried to free her arm. “Just go away before things somehow get worse.” 

Heavy footsteps thudded down the adjacent aisle, and the pair froze. “Huh?” 

From the shadows emerged a dragon. “Ed, is that you?” Luz called with a sinking feeling in her gut. 

The dragon blinked at her before snorting smoke. It wasn’t much bigger than the costume, but its neck and tail were certainly longer. Its thrashing tail jostled bookshelves as it lunged forward. 

“Run!” Luz shouted, pulling Amity. 

Amity stumbled slightly but regained her footing. The dragon’s claws scratched against the carpet as it gave chase. “Just my luck,” she muttered. 

But Luz was too busy thinking of options to hear that. “If we head into the plaza, someone will help, right?” 

Luz tugged them in the direction of the front door. Amity replied, “Everyone’s asleep. We’d have to call the guards.” 

“Are you sure a commotion won’t bring them?” 

She looked to Amity, who paled. “We’d probably be eaten by then.” 

Taking a sharp turn, Luz started running further into the library. “Then, we’ve got to get to the sword.” 

“Sword?” 

“Yeah, the one for the re-enactment- it’s real.” 

“God give us strength.” 

Luz did feel a little lighter after that. “Let’s split up. It’s in the children’s section.” 

Luz suddenly felt her grip strain. Facing Amity, she was shocked to find the dragon had grabbed her by the torso. It ripped her away with ease. “Luz!” Amity shouted, reaching out to her.

“Amity!” 

The dragon scrabbled away, and after a second of hesitation, Luz made the tough decision to go for the sword. She grabbed it, noticing how it felt like tin foil in her hands. Whatever blessing Amity cast, it was working wonders. 

Listening intently, Luz followed the faint rustling of the dragon’s movement. Her best hope was to sneak up on the dragon and hurt it before anything bad happened. 

There was also the distinct sound of Amity muttering. By pace and pause alone, Luz could tell it was the Lord’s Prayer. Luz’s heart gave a sympathetic twinge as she crept onto the scene. 

In the foyer, the dragon was building a pile of junk on the counter; a dragon needed a hoard after all. Luz wondered where it came from as she spotted Amity still in its clutches. She had one arm free and was using it to try and pry a claw away from her torso. She was quite unsuccessful. 

Her hope of sneaking up on the dragon vanished as she realized the foyer lacked any cover. She’d just have to do it the hard way then. 

“Hey dragon!” She shouted, charging forward. “Give me back my friend!”

Dropping Amity on its hoard, it reared up. Too late to turn back now, Luz aimed for its gut. With a swipe, the dragon sent the sword flying from Luz’s hands. 

Its other hand scooped her up. Its yellow eyes glared at her while smoke billowed out of its mouth. As it opened its maw, Luz saw the sparks of a flame in the back of its throat. It was going to roast her alive.

As the pillar of flame crawled closer, Luz shut her eyes accepting her fate. She had to say she tried to walk the straight and narrow ‘til the very end. Maybe if this place really was purgatory, she wouldn’t go anywhere at all.

The dragon screeched, hot air billowing Luz’s face before she was dropped. Landing hard on her back, Luz was dazed. 

Suddenly Amity was by her side, pulling her to her feet. Luz checked the dragon to find Jordi’s sword impaled in its side. “Come on,” Amity said. “I only bought us some time.”

With that, they ran. They had no plan only panic. The dragon pursued them marginally slowed down by its new addition. 

As they ducked in an aisle, trying to catch their breath, Amity asked, “Why did you come back for me?” 

“It was the right thing to do,” Luz answered, leaning against the shelf. “I know you don’t like me, and I did things that unintentionally hurt you, but I’m not that person.” 

Amity didn’t get to respond as the dragon dropped down from the bookshelf, pinning Luz. Its claws dug into her shoulders. Luz struggled to breath under its weight. She still tried to push it off, failing miserably. 

For her part, Amity dodged its other hand and went for the sword. She tugged it free to no reaction. The dragon was focused on crushing its prey. Amity caught Luz’s eye. “Here!” Amity shouted, throwing the sword. 

Luz immediately thought it was a bad idea, but the sword skittered to a stop beside her. Picking it up, it was easy to plunge the sword into the dragon’s chest.

It stomped about, swinging its head in vain before collapsing on top of Luz.

Rushing over, Amity worriedly tried to dig her out. “Luz!” 

Amity pulled her out from under its shoulder, but Luz was distracted by the red rose in her hand. “Hey, the myth was true!” she said excitedly, holding the rose up to Amity. 

There was a pause before Amity laughed. “You’re such a-” 

She didn’t finish her statement, silenced by Luz placing the rose in her hand. Amity looked conflicted, though Luz swore she was blushing. “I don’t deserve this,” she said, staring at the rose. “I’m no princess.” 

Amity gave it back. “You have it. Hero.” 

Luz clutched it close to her chest with a smile. But she didn’t get to bask in it as she looked at the mess. “We’re going to have to clean this up, aren’t we?” 

Amity sighed. “I’ll get the attendants.”

The attendants were helpful in reorganizing the props, putting back up the knocked over shelfs, taking care of the dragon, and even returning the dislodged library books to their proper homes. But there was one book they couldn’t place. 

Luz picked up the diary, brushing off the cover. She hurried over to where Amity was, disassembling the hoard. “Hey, uh,” Luz started. “I wanted to make sure you got this back.”

Looking up, Amity furrowed her brow. She took it and set it on the counter before returning to her work. Luz joined her, anxiously folding clothes. “How much of it did you read?”

“A few sentences at most,” Luz answered. “I wasn’t trying to read it. Your siblings-”

“Wanted to do something awful?” she interrupted. “Tell me something new.”

An apology would be new; Luz didn’t get the chance to say sorry earlier what with the dragon attack. “I want to say that I’m really sorry. If I knew their plan from the start, I wouldn’t have-”

“It’s fine, Luz,” Amity said. “Destruction befalls those who it’s intended for.”

Was that her way of saying bad things happened for a reason? Or was it karma? Or was that her hinting at getting revenge? Why’d she have to be so complicated? Luz didn’t get to ask any of those questions as Amity stood. “I’m going to put it back.”

“Okay,” Luz responded, putting on a smile. “I’ll be here.”

*****

The morning broke by the time they fixed everything. “What an adventure,” Luz commented, staring up at the sky. Then she faced Amity behind her. “Thanks for helping clean up.” 

“This never happened,” Amity said tiredly as she walked down the library steps. 

“Wait,” Luz replied before digging into her bag. “It doesn’t make up for reading your diary, but would you want to borrow this? I noticed it was missing amongst your collection.” 

Luz held out Joseph and Asenath, and Amity took it, scanning its cover. “Thank you.” 

Amity looked away with a sigh. “It was wrong of me to call you a bully. I haven’t exactly been the friendliest Christian either. I’ll think on that.” 

Luz smiled and watched her walk away. She adjusted the rose tucked in her bag before leaving.

Luz walked into the house, noticing how everyone was sleeping cuddled together on the couch. As soon as she was in the door, it was knocked, and someone came in. It was a woman with winged arms and an oversized head, who bore an uncanny resemblance to the babies namely because of how inhuman she looked.

“Whoa, you must be Mama.” 

Nodding, she patted a deformed wing-hand hybrid to her chest. “Yeah, yeah,” she responded with an unplaceable accent. “Mama is I. And I is the Bat Queen.” 

She whistled, and all the babies woke to flock to her. “Ah, snuggle dumplings.” 

She waved her wing, and a chest filled with gold appeared. Reaching into her chest, she pulled out a whistle. She added it to the pile. “For troubles. Eda is owed one.” 

With that, they left. Eda jolted awake when the door shut. “Sweet babies. Babies? Where are the babies?” 

Eda looked up at Luz who signed that they flew the coop. Eda sighed. “And I just taught Junior how to escape handcuffs too.” 

“Your night looks very successful. Look at all the money you made,” Luz commented, reaching down to pick up the whistle. It was heart-shaped with the vena cava serving as the mouthpiece. “And look at this cool whistle that scary lady gave you. I’d wash it before you use it.” 

“Yeah,” Eda said, staring vacantly. “We did it all for the money.” 

After a pause, King wailed, “I miss my babies.” 

“I actually got you something from the library.” Luz said, pulling a book about empty nest syndrome from her bag. 

She placed it in Eda’s hands. “Thanks, kid,” she responded softly before looking up at Luz. She spotted a few tears in Luz’s hoodie, and there was ash in her hair. “So, how was your night?” 

Luz was too tired, and a bit scrambled about the events, to explain it with any clarity. “Good. Then bad. Then maybe good.” 

Eda noticed the rose and raised an eyebrow. “Who’s seducing you?” 

“Oh,” Luz said before grinning and holding it up. “I got this from a dragon.” 

“Alright, next Jordi day, everyone’s staying home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, Sant Jordi's Day is a real holiday; usually it's a Valentines type holiday where girls get roses and boys get books inspired by the myth of Jordi slaying the dragon to save a princess, so I just had to utilize it here in place of the Wailing Star.
> 
> Next up is the dreaded body swap chapter where my favorite non-character makes his return to justify shenanigans.


	9. Chapter Eight: Once upon a swap

“Darn, short legs.” 

King jumped from on top of the stand’s counter, trying to reach the garland of flags above. He didn’t come close with his stubby legs. He gave up with a screech and slid off the edge of table to go do something else. 

Luz walked to the stand carrying a large board and a ladder. Climbing up the ladder, she hung the sign. “I know it’s been a little slow around here, but I’ve got just the thing to attract customers,” she said, patting the sign. “And who doesn’t like their name in lights?” 

With a prayer, a radiant light shone down on the sign, reflecting off the paint to make a glittering, eye-catching spectacle. Jumping down, Luz stared up at it and rubbed her chin. “Is it too subtle?” 

“Does subtle mean ugly?” 

Turning around, Luz was faced with Boscha and her cohorts. “Hi Boscha! Hexsidians!” she greeted cheerfully. “See anything you like?” 

Boscha looked up from phone, curling her nose. “Ew! No, I’m just here to take an ironic selfie next to your weird trash sign.” 

Whirling around, she threw up a peace sign and puckered her lips to take a picture with Eda’s stand in the background. Luz squinted as the flash went off. “Boscha, that’s not very Christian of you.” 

She rolled her eyes, her attention returning to her phone. “I don’t need to be good to be Christian. At the end of the week, I apologize for all my sins, take the Eucharist, and I’m good.” 

“Wow, I didn’t know I was capable of this feeling.” Luz commented, putting a hand on her chest. 

The warmth blossoming there was unmistakably frustration. “Is it envy?” Boscha asked, typing away. “A lot of people experience that around me.” 

She sighed, lowering her phone. “It’s a curse.” 

“I’ll show you a curse,” King said, climbing up onto the table. “You narcissistic b-”

“Oh, he’s so cute!” Boscha interrupted, sweeping him up in her arms. Pushing his chubby cheek against hers, she took another selfie. While posting it, she asked, “How much? I have to own him.” 

“You couldn’t afford me, sister,” King replied. 

“Aw!” the teens cooed.

Making a fuss, King escaped her grip. “That’s the incorrect reaction!” 

Eda appeared, poking her head out of the tent. “I smell an easy mark.” 

She leapt over the table and startled everyone. “Hey, kid! Can I offer you the latest fashions from… the human realm?” 

Gesturing to her form, Eda wore neon-green-scene hoodie, zip-off pants, uggs, fishnet gloves, and cat ear headband. It was horrid. Boscha looked her up and down before smirking. “Yeah, no.” 

The teens laughed and left. Though one lingered a stand away, pushing his bangs out of his eyes to look at the stuff on display. Eda watched them go before taking off the headband. “Well, I hate her.” 

“Yeah, teens can be sour, but I’m a little sweetie,” Luz replied, cupping her cheeks. “Look what I made you!” 

She gestured to the sign. Eda had a delayed reaction before shouting, “Luz!” 

As she hopped up on a ladder to take the sign down, Luz grinned. “Did I spell something wrong?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow. “Or did I spell something right?” 

“Stop that,” Eda responded while pointing a finger. “You may be forgetting something, Luz.” 

She slid down the ladder and tossed the sign inside the stand. “I’m kinda,” she continued, looking at Luz. “On the run! Remember? Every guard in town would be at my doorstep if I had my name in lights.” 

Luz searched the street. “Well, I don’t see anyone right now. Maybe you’re just being paranoid. You’re a powerful miracle worker. Why hide when God can just solve all your problems when you ask?” 

“Because I don’t want to-” 

“What does Luz know about problems anyway?” King interrupted. “All she has is dumb teen drama! She doesn’t understand how hard some of us have it.” 

Eda scoffed. “You’re pampered all day like a dang baby. How hard is that life?” 

“Well. I don’t know if you realized,” he responded calmly before clenching his fists. “But I’m not a baby!” 

“Then why are you screaming like one?” Luz replied.

King had to walk away from her, though he didn’t get far being stuck on the table. “My life is a living nightmare!” 

Crossing her arms, Eda bobbed her head. “Well, there’s only one thing to do when friends can’t see eye to eye.” 

“Hug each other ‘til we pass out?” Luz asked, holding King close.

Swinging his fist, he responded, “Fight to the death!” 

The teen slid back in. “Body swap!” 

“Who is he?” Eda asked, jabbing a thumb towards him. 

Luz stared at him for a while before noticing the yellow eyes. “Dave?!” 

Grinning, he waved both hands in a convincing human fashion. “Hey kid! Nice seeing you again. Thanks for, uh, not purging me. Life’s been fun.” 

For a second, Luz was happy to hear that, then she remembered who she was really talking to. “N-nothing illegal, right?” 

“The best fun are things on the verge of crime,” he answered before ticking off the thing he did on his fingers. “Jaywalking, moving things from one place to another in a store, attempted mur-” 

“Wait,” Eda interjected. “So why is a demon talking to us?” 

“I have the solution to your problem,” he said, leaning in closer. “Body Swap! You swap bodies, live life in someone else shoes. It’s like demon possession with the ones you love. Can only do it with demon magic, though, no miracle will work like it.” 

“Uh?” 

Luz raised a finger to question that declaration, but Dave clapped his hands. “But unfortunately, I need your ‘permission’ to do it.” 

Luz asked, “Will you switch us back when we ask?” 

“Ugh, fine,” he responded, rolling his eyes. “Since you asked. I will change you’ll back when you cry uncle, so do we have a deal?” 

Eda held up a hand. “Wait, what do we get out of it?” 

“The experience of course.” 

He waited for them to agree, and when that didn’t come, he added, “You could always make a bet amongst yourselves.” 

King stomped, rushing to be the first one to speak. “Ooh! Easiest life gets out of chores.” 

“Sold!” Eda said, snapping her fingers. “Whoever can prove their new body has the easiest life gets out of house cleaning duty.” 

Luz put her hand in the middle. “Agreed.” 

All three put their hands together, and Dave declared, “That sounds like consent to me. Body swap!” 

A puff of smoke obscured their eyesight. When it cleared, everyone felt a little off. “Ooh! Did it work?” Luz asked, prodding her face. “I need a mirror.” 

She found one within the stand and dragged it out to the light. Looking into it, she saw a face that wasn’t her own. “Oh my God, it worked!” she squeaked, ruffling her meter-long hair. “I’m so old… and fluffy! Hot dog! It’s me!” 

“Yeah, it is,” King said, pushing her aside. “I’m the mortal now. Bow before my massive, meaty hands!” 

He flexed her fingers, marveling at their size and dexterity. Luz held in a giggle before realizing that left only one combination. “Wait, so that means…” 

Eda was baby. Not that she treated her body that way, jutting out a hip and staring at them with half-closed eyes. “So, how do I look?” 

King blinked. “I’ve got some very confusing emotions right now.” 

“Excellent, worked perfectly,” Dave said, clapping his hands. “Call me if you need me. I can help officiate the bet. Deuces.” 

He threw up a peace sign before the teen’s eyes returned to normal. Looking around for his friends, he was confused. He scampered off. Eda watched him go, a sly smirk looking out of place on King’s rosy cheeks. “You know, kid, I’m kind of proud you made friends with a demon, but in a spit-in-the-face-of-God kind of way.” 

Luz rubbed the back of her neck. “Right, I really should purge him, but he just seems so… not evil?” 

Eda waved a hand, thoroughly unconcerned. “You can get rid of him after he changes us back,” she replied. “For now, the bet is on, and I am winning.” 

“What?” King said, leaning over her. “But none of us are doing anything.” 

Facing away, Eda huffed. “Fine, go achieve your teenaged dreams.” 

“Oh I will! By the end of the day, I’ll be ruling over your feeble demographic.” 

King pointed a finger at Luz. Unflappable, she walked behind the stand. “Well, I’ve got miracles,” she said, flipping her hair. “Eda, don’t be too mad when your inventory’s gone, and the guards are none the wiser.” 

Eda laughed. “That’s cute,” she responded before hopping to the ground. “If you need me, I’ll be getting pampered on a vacation fit for a king.” 

She wandered off at a leisurely pace as King shook his fist. “My life’s not a joke!” King shouted at her before turning to Luz. “But yours is. Bap!” 

He poked her nose and cackled. Then he scurried off in the direction of the teens, leaving Luz alone at the stand.

*****

Everything was so big from King’s perspective. The street felt like a field, the people walking by were giants, and Eda couldn’t see anything that was going on. Signs were too high to read, and the stands hid their goods on top of their counters.

Not that Eda cared much. She strutted down the boulevard, basking in the compliments that were thrown her way. People thought she was cute or had to take pictures. For once, it was a delight not to run away from people who looked too closely at her. 

She tensed as she heard a dog bark. She found the beast leashed to a guard a few meters away. The dog strained against its lead to get closer and she realized that it was notably bigger than her. 

With an annoyed grunt, the guard looked over to see what all the fuss was about. He tilted back his hat, staring down at her with a blank face. “Oh boy,” Eda muttered, backing away. 

Instead of setting his hound on her, he frowned and bopped its nose. “Why’re you barking at this precious baby?” 

That got it to calm down. It shuffled behind him as he kneeled in front of Eda. Reaching into the folds of his cloak, he pulled out a lollipop. “Here kid,” he said with a wide smile. “Have a lollipop.” 

She snatched it out of his hand and dashed away. When she was a block away, she peeled off the wrapper and laughed. Not only did people adore her, but they gave her free stuff. Even the guards! She stuck the lollipop in her mouth before she started walking again.

Life as King was shaping up to be pretty sweet. 

“Oh, Dottie! Look at this lost little dumpling!” 

Upon hearing that sharp cry, Eda was lifted into the air. “What’s that?” she said, wriggling in the grip. “Whoa, hey I’m not lost, you creeps!” 

It was a pair of nuns in black habits. Both looked to be older than death, the one holding Eda appearing to be hardly more than skin and bones. Yet her hold was inescapable. “Poor baby! Do you need us to make you a delicious meal?” 

She spun Eda around as Eda tried to refuse them. “No, I don’t need you- Airplanes and tummy tickles? You know what? Maybe I am lost. Take me away, ladies.” 

Nestled in the nun’s arms, Eda felt like royalty. She didn’t have to lift a finger and all her needs would be taken care of. With Eda’s permission, the nuns returned to their orphanage. 

It was a smooth block of stucco with unadorned square windows. Atop its wide flat roof was a rusted iron cross. Entering its portico, the nun holding her declared, “Welcome to our Lady of Perpetual Waiting. This is our little safe haven for cherubs like you.” 

Eda snickered as they entered. “I didn’t even know we had one of these.” 

The main room, unsurprisingly was a chapel, but off to the side was a doorway that they ushered her through. It led to a dining hall. Long tables and benches were packed with food and kids; other nuns hurried around the room catering or correcting the children as need be. 

Her particular nun put her in a baby chair at the end of a table before presenting her with a plethora of food. All soft, because she was a baby. 

“This place was for infants unmarked by faith, but times change,” the nun explained while wrapping a bib around her neck. “Now we accept all children. Except teenagers! Teenagers don’t respect the law or the Lord.” 

Eda laughed at that as she grabbed mashed sweet potato with her hand and ate it. More laughter bubbled out of her when the sister clicked her tongue but cleaned her up regardless. 

The nuns stepped away for a second to confer with their sisters. Eda looked at them and then back at her food. “Wow, I could get away with anything.” 

“Oh, not anything,” the kid next to her said, turning about. 

His yellow eyes glimmered in the dining hall’s natural sunlight. “Dave?” Eda asked, a hand covering her tiny racing heart. “Geez, you need to wear a bell or something…. Wait, what’re you talking about?” 

“Nap time!” 

That declaration got all the children moving. They scrambled to get their plates put away and to be out the door. Eda watched them go like little obedient robots while trapped in her highchair. “But I’m not tired,” Eda complained as she got swooped up from her seat. 

The nun carrying her ignored her words, taking her to a room filled with cribs. Eda was plopped into one, and she stood to gauge her chance of escape. The bars had a good half-meter on her, and there was no leverage to be had.  
She shrugged it off, flopping down onto the blanket and pillow. “Alright, this is less fun. But naps are naps.” 

Eda tucked herself in. Her comfortable reprieve didn’t last long before a sister appeared. She loomed over Eda, holding a new outfit. “We can’t have you in that heathen outfit,” she said. “You need to wear something more quaint and cute.” 

Staring at the polo and shorts, Eda tried not to laugh. “Uh no thanks,” she replied, snuggling further into bed. “I’m not into plaid.” 

The blanket was ripped away from her. “No?” the sister repeated, an unpleasant chill taking over her voice. “You can’t say no to Sister Minerva… Dottie, please help our little angel get changed.” 

Dottie reached into the crib. Eda hopped to her feet. “Not today, sister!” 

Eda scaled up Dottie’s arm before jumping out of the crib. She tried to run away, but her baby legs didn’t carry her far. Minerva scooped her up, saying, “Oh no sweetie. You can’t survive out there without us.” 

Minerva brought a squirming Eda back to the nursery. “Yeah no,” Eda responded before looking to the ceiling. “God? Little help?” 

She waited to no effect. “Right, no miracles. Dang. What can King do?” 

After moment of thought, she bapped Minerva right in the face. Which got her dropped as the sister shrieked. Eda bounced off the ground and started running again. “After her!” Minerva shouted while rubbing her face. 

She cut through the dining room, ducking under the tables to get to the other door faster. “Okay, so maybe being babied isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.” 

In the chapel, she managed to hide under a pew. She curled her hands into fists and grumbled at how tiny they were; she certainly couldn’t fight her way out of this. “Ugh, I feel so small and helpless.” 

The clatter of shoes on the brick floor made her freeze. “Baby,” Minerva called menacingly. “Come out, come out wherever you are. You’re not in trouble, but we’re still going to need you changed and cleaned up by time for Bible Study.” 

Eda’s fists trembled with rage. “They don’t even care that I’m a person, do they? Oh when I get my body back...” 

“Found you!” Minerva said, poking her head under Eda’s pew. 

Eda screamed.

*****

“Not so high and mighty anymore!” King shouted, tearing down the flags. “Ha-ha! I feel so alive!” 

He promptly tripped over the pile of flags on the ground, stumbling into a trash can. “The flag, it seeks revenge!” 

He pulled himself out to see kids throwing water balloons at people from the top of the cliff side. Most people when hit were covered in a pastel color, but occasionally a person screamed and writhed as a demon was exorcised. For the most part though, they were just being nuisances. 

“Teenagers,” King grouched before running toward the cliff. 

It was a part of the nearby foothills leading up to the mountain range that encompassed the valley. It took no time at all for King to get there, and he marveled at how fast Luz’s long spider legs could go.

At the top of the cliff, King found the troublesome teens and a small wooden shack. There was only a pair still tossing water balloons at the town below. “Hey, take this, society!” a teen said, flubbing his throw so that the balloon hit him. He was drenched in mint green. “Dang!” 

Snickering, King peeked his head into the shack. Inside, Boscha was taking selfies, another girl read a teen magazine, and a guy was trying to do a pull up on a support beam. “Just give up,” Boscha said without pausing what she’s doing. 

“I swear I can do a pullup,” he grunted, his legs swinging. “I’m just having a bad day.” 

“Sure you can.” 

“I’ll show Luz how to make these doofuses her playthings. Greetings!” He declared, walking all the way through the door. “Bow before your king of mortals.” 

The guy dropped from the beam. “Hey, nobody tells me what to do.”

“Shut it.” 

He covered his mouth. “Sorry, Boscha.” 

“New post,” she said, typing on her phone. “Loser human thinks she can hang out in our sacred Treasure Shack. Spoiler alert- hey!” 

King grabbed the phone, tucking it into his pocket before bolting to the cliffside. “Hey, impressionable youths!” he shouted. “Under my command, you could learn how to do some real damage.” 

He took the entire bag of water balloons and chucked it at the nearby church. It splattered all over the pristine white walls, drawing gasps from the teens. King turned back to them, holding out his hands for adoration. “All hail, your new teen king.” 

The teens looked at each other. One commented, “I didn’t like her telling me what to do before, but now, I love it.” 

Boscha stalked closer, unimpressed. “Give me back my phone!” 

King held it over the cliff. “You can have it back when you learn to chill out.” 

“Ooh!” one kid said before falling quiet at her spiteful glare. 

King didn’t notice the dissent as he tucked the phone away. “Who wants to cause some chaos?” 

“Yay! You’re the coolest.” 

“We love you now.” 

King marched down to town with everyone in tow, and Boscha followed, perplexed. “Hold up. I did not give you permission to leave.” 

The teens didn’t even hear her command over King boasting about his brilliant ideas. 

He stopped by a sign. It read “Self-storage,” but after he rearranged it and removed a few letters, it became “Free Goats.” The teens darted away as the first person approached them. They squeaked in delight and hurried inside the building. The teens soon heard shouting. Giggling, they moved on to their next prank.

Right before midday traffic, King and the teens got buckets of salt. They poured them out in complicated, overlapping lines throughout the street. When the noon bell tolled, swarms of people left their work and were confronted with the mess. The instinct to not cross a salt line was so strong, the dozens of people forced themselves to follow the lines and try to find an exit. King cackled; they were like rats in a maze.

What King deemed his best idea yet sent them to the store for eggs. Then, he and his cronies hid them in weird places like on park benches or in trees or on windowsills. No one seemed too concerned about them, and those that did find the odd egg just tossed them in the trash.

“I don’t know what Luz is talking about,” King said, putting his hands on his hips and proudly staring at his handiwork. “This life is a breeze.” 

Lunging at him, Boscha snatched back her phone. She held it tightly in her hand as she stomped her foot. “Enough!” she said before pointing a finger at all of the teens. “I don’t know why they can’t remember what a weirdo loser you are, but I’m going to help them remember.” 

“Ooh, I’m scared,” King responded with a chuckle. “She still thinks she has power over you guys. Guys?” 

He looked back to see the teen’s scared faces. Try as he might, he wasn’t as intimidating as Boscha. He cursed Luz’s doe-eyed, round-face softness. Boscha loomed over him. “Luz, I challenge you to a race… around Dead Man’s Curve.” 

Her hand jerked up to draw his eye to the steep mountain nearby. If he squinted, he could make out a narrow road weaving its way down. The teens gasped while King rolled his eyes. 

“And we’ll be racing on those. Muckrakers.” 

At the word “Muckrakers,” King felt faint. He still remembered Prince Junior’s soft maw closing around his ankle, dragging him to what he thought was an early grave. He shuddered. “You don’t have to do this, you know,” one teen commented, reaching out to him. “We know mortals are like super fragile.” 

“Don’t baby me!” King exclaimed, slapping away the concerned hand. “Boscha, I accept your strange, teenage, coming-of-age challenge thing.” 

The thirty minute trip to get demons, walk to the starting line, and mount up took no time at all in King’s mind. He found himself atop a scrawny muckraker next to Boscha, and another teen stood before them as the starter. 

In the place of a checkered flag, the girl held up her magazine. “On your mark,” she said. “Get set. Go!” 

She dropped her magazine, and Boscha took off. King was left in her dust, trying to kick the slug into motion. Standing up, he smacked its nonexistent haunches. It bolted, slamming King onto its back.

He tried to fix his posture as a voice emanated from the demon, “Well, you’re having fun.” 

King nearly jumped out of his saddle. “I don’t know you!”

Bending its neck, it blinked up at him. “Dave, remember?” 

“Hardly,” King replied, crossing his arms. “But if you’re here to help me cheat, I accept.” 

Its head plopped back into place, and it wriggled faster. “I’ll just try to make sure you don’t die.” 

“As if there’s a risk of that.” 

With Dave’s assistance, he caught up to Boscha. King was stunned but played it off well. “This is how the cool kids ride,” he told her, leaning back without a care in the world. “Super backwards. On purpose.” 

Boscha rolled her eyes before noticing something ahead of them. King pulled ahead. “Yes!” he cheered before waving to her. “Say bye-bye to your popularity, Boscha.” 

“Bye-bye,” Boscha said, stopping entirely. 

Facing forward, King found a turn too sharp to manage. He pulled the reins, but he failed to stop in time. He and his demon went over the side.

Soaring but mostly plummeting, they crashed on top of treasure shack. King emerged from the wreckage alive and relatively fine. “Ow,” he said dully, collapsing onto the grass. 

The teens ran onto the scene, devastated by the destruction of their dear shack. “Not the treasure shack!” 

“I don’t know how to process this,” one said, pulling his hat down over his forehead. “Someone tell me what to do!” 

Boscha grinned; it was her time to shine. Pointing a finger at King, she shouted, “Get her!” 

“Eh?” 

Upon seeing the charging teens, King got up and ran. 

“Get back here, mortal!” 

He didn’t look back as he went full speed down the hill towards town. “Luz was right. I can’t handle the complexities of teenage life. I just want my body back.” 

Scanning the streets for some escape, he spotted the brightly colored wall of an otherwise white church. He knew the teens would never check there. He ducked into its door and peeked out from a crack. 

“I think I saw her go this way.” Boscha said, running past. 

King sighed in relief, shutting the door so he could lean against it. Opening his eyes, he saw a nun right in front of him. Unsure what to say, he went with, “Uh, bless me sister for I have sinned?” 

“Oh, I’m sure you have,” Minerva said in a way that made King’s skin crawl. “Join us for Bible Study, won’t you?” 

“Um no than…” 

A hand on his shoulder caused him to tense up entirely. Looking over, he found another nun, much bulkier than the first. He had a feeling he wasn’t getting away anytime soon. Holding up his hands, he let the sisters guide him further into the church. 

In some backroom, he joined a dozen other kids talking about some Bible story. The nun strong-armed him into sitting on the floor beside some toddler in plaid shorts. It was Eda in his body. “Welcome to the club,” she grumbled, her chin in her hand.

*****

Luz strutted around, trying to get used to Eda’s heels. “How does Eda wear these all day?” 

Losing her balance, she knocked a lamp over and flinched. “Oh no. What have my heels done?” she cried before perking up. “Wait a second. I’m a ding-dang miracle machine. Hey God, I’m sorry I broke this lamp. Can you fix it for me?” 

The lamp shards glowed. It became whole and golden. “Aw yes, thank you God.” 

Luz stepped away and almost fell again until a guy catches her. Her eyes popped up to see his demon eyes. She grinned. “Dave, friend,” she greeted, making her way behind her counter. “Do you want to be my first customer?” 

He pulled his pockets inside out. “I don’t have money, or a consistent body.” 

“Right… Sorry about that.” 

Luz didn’t know why she felt sympathy, and honestly, she shouldn’t because demons were bad. But he just seemed so human that she couldn’t really be mad at him. Fixing his pockets, he shrugged. “Meh, don’t be. It’s better than the Pit.” 

Her ears twitched with excited curiosity. “The Pit’s the bad place, isn’t it?” 

“Gotta go,” he said, giving her a two-fingered salute. 

She wondered why he even stopped by if they weren’t going to talk. “Dav- day, it’s a lovely day, stranger,” she said awkwardly before gesturing to the first object she thought of. “Can I interest you in this lamp?” 

The guy’s eyes widened, and he reached out to touch it. “Oh, so unnecessarily extravagant. I’ll take it.” 

“Sold to the savvy shopper,” she declared, accepting his money.

After he left with the lamp, Luz folded her hands and looked to the sky. “Alright God, let’s see what else we can sell.” 

With that, her sign lit back up. She gasped. “You’re everything I’ve asked for.” 

She donned a top hat and began peddling, “Step right up and feast your eyes on the modern marvels of the mortal realm!” 

Her heavenly glow drew in a crowd. She sold figurines, books containing magic, and oddest of all birthday cards. Kids loved the strange candy and toys; parents appreciated the binkies and dreaded the mechanical toys with bright, flashing lights and songs. 

Within a few hours, she got rid of more things than she had ever seen Eda sell. It wasn’t all gone, but the crowd had thinned out. “Thank you! Come again!” Luz said, waving goodbye to her satisfied customers. “There’s a little something for everyone. Take it from me, Eda, the Boiling Valley’s most devout attendant.” 

“Is that right? You’re the famous Eda the Owl Lady?” 

To her sudden left, there was a man. His face and form was hidden by a bulky cloak. Still, Luz leaned towards him. “That depends. Are you a fan of… wonder?” 

She grew a bouquet from some seeds and offered it to him. “No, but I am a fan of,” he said before ripping off his cloak. Underneath was the telltale red robes of a guard. “The law.” 

Behind him, another guard appeared. “We’re finally able to catch you in the act. All thanks to this little light show of yours.” 

Luz backed away as the guards moved behind the counter. “Gentlemen, what do you say we forget this whole thing ever happened? God, can you soften their hearts?” 

Her eyes went from the sky, then back down to them. “Nothing? Rats.” 

They slapped cuffs on her and dragged her off. To her surprise, they didn’t head straight to the Convertorium but to a place she’d describe as a police precinct.  
Once inside, she was booked. She held up a sign with Eda’s name as a man took her mugshot with a folding camera. “This is some of my best work,” he commented, checking the film. “Really captures the shame.” 

Artyael on his staff was shoved in a cage with some malicious laughter from the guards. “Yeah, you’re going away for a long time, you filthy criminal.” 

“Artyael!” Luz called to him before being shuffled off to an interrogation room. “This is all a big mistake. You’re going to laugh when I explain.” 

The guards left, and Luz was at a loss at what to do. She could ask for a miracle, but how far would that get her? All she could do was try to explain herself. “Look guys, you got the wrong Eda,” Luz maintained, talking to the tinted window. 

In walked Lilith. “Hello, Edalyn.” 

Luz perked up at the sight of her. “Oh, thank goodness! A familiar face. You’re Eda’s sister, right? Is it Libby? No, Laity- Lady! Wait, who names their kid Lady-” 

“Your show of affection is touching,” Lilith responded dryly, sitting across from her. “Do you know why you’re here?” 

Still hoping that that she could clear up this misunderstanding, Luz said, “Well, as I was telling the guard, this is just a classic case of demon possession with friends. I’m Luz, the mortal. Remember me from the Faithful Forum?” 

Lilith snorted. “That’s a new one.” 

After reaching into her sleeve, she flicked holy water on Luz, who cringed but was otherwise unaffected. “Ew, what was that for?” 

“Not a demon,” Lilith said. “Now as I was saying, sister, the charges against you are long and many.” 

Lilith pulled out a scroll. It unraveled all the way across and down the table. She began reading the list, “Operating a stand without a permit, keeping a messenger angel pasts its purpose-” 

“Yeah,” Luz interrupted. “I think that list goes on for a while.” 

Rolling the scroll up, Lilith commented, “These charges are serious. There’s no more running away, Edalyn.” 

Luz nodded and stared at her cuffed hands. Just because Eda was capable of great feats didn’t mean she was could fix to any problem she came across. “I know. I can’t just pray my problems away.” 

Lilith got up and walked to Luz’s side, kneeling. “But we can,” she replied, taking Luz’s hands. “You getting caught was clearly a cry for help. Join the Emperor’s Church, like we dreamed about when we were girls.” 

Luz’s jaw dropped. “Eda wanted to be in the Emperor’s Church?” 

The woman beside her didn’t acknowledge her question, offering a soft smile instead. “Be not afraid, sister. Soon, you won’t be a danger to those around you,” she reassured before looking at the glass. “Bring out the branding glove.” 

“The what now?” 

A guard entered the room. Luz looked up to see them slipping on a glove. Its palm glowed red with a supernatural heat. Luz started struggling. “Wait, you’re making a mistake. God strike me down if-” 

“No!” Lilith shouted. 

It came too late. Lighting struck, and part of the building was destroyed in its attempt to hit Eda. Getting up, Luz coughed. Eda’s body was a wee bit charred but fine. Looking around, she was stunned by the gaping hole in the wall. 

“Art, come to me!” 

The sound of metal bending and breaking preceded Artyael bursting into the room. He smacked into her. Holding the staff in her bound hands, she hopped out of the hole. “Sorry buddy,” she said, petting his head. “Eda’s life is more complicated than I thought.” 

Uttering a prayer, she got rid of the cuffs. She started running, wincing as her ankles wobbled with her heels. “Okay, if I was Eda and Eda is King, where would I be? Ah, this is so confusing.” 

Lilith emerged, dusty from the rubble. “After her!”

Luz spotted a boxy building with a cross at the end of the block. A church. “Well, I know where I want to go.” 

She booked it for the church. She banged on the door while shouting, “Sanctuary!” 

She didn’t know if that kind of thing worked in the valley, but she hoped so.  
Tugging open the door, Luz hurried into the building before profusely apologizing to the sisters that come to check out the disturbance. 

“I’m so sorry to intrude sisters,” she said, crossing herself and searching for holy water to mark herself with. “I’m in danger, and I need a place to stay for a little while. Please say you’ll take me in.” 

“Of course.” Minerva responded kindly, rubbing Luz’s arms in a warm, friendly manner. “My goodness, you’re shaking. Please come in, we were just teaching the orphans.” 

Luz put a hand to her chest. “Aw, orphans. Bless your hearts, sisters.” 

Minerva turned to the other nun. “Dottie, return to the children. Make sure our new children are adjusting well.” 

“New children?” Luz repeated as Dottie walked away. “It wouldn’t happen to be a toddler in a onesie and a teen in a cat hoodie?” 

An awed smile spread across the sister’s face. “My, God blessed you with visions.” 

“No, those are my kids!” 

Luz rushed after Dottie to get them as the sister pursued her. “You can’t just come in here and take children!” 

Busting into the room, Luz pushed past the sister. Sitting on the floor amongst the children were two familiar people. Running to pick up King’s body, she declared, “Eda, King, it’s time to go.” 

“Luz!” King cheered, getting up.

Luz scooped up Eda in her arms and led their escape, knocking over old Sister Minerva in the process. Glancing at King, Luz noticed the dirty clothes and scraped up skin. “What weird stuff did you get my body into?”

Luz kicked open the church’s doors, and they found themselves surrounded by guards. A hound had hunted Eda’s scent to this very spot. “There she is!” Lilith shouted. 

“I got the same question,” Eda said as the teens joined the scene. 

King snapped his fingers. “Dang! I forgot about them.” 

The sisters appeared behind them, cutting off any chance of escaping back into the church. “All right,” Eda said, looking at the others. “Did everyone learn a valuable lesson about experiencing each other’s hardships?” 

“Yep,” King and Luz responded. 

“Good, let’s end this nightmare. Dave!” 

Dave possessed Sister Minerva, startling Dottie. “At your service,” He said with a bow. 

“Swap time buddy.” 

“On it,” he said, clapping his hands and creating a massive cloud of smoke. 

When the smoke dispersed, everyone was back to their normal bodies. “My body!” King cheered, wriggling in Eda’s arms. “My glorious little body!” 

She dropped him like a rock to look over the burn marks on her dress. As she was distracted, Lilith stalked closer. “Sister, time and again I’ve offered you my help, yet you foolishly run back to your worthless life. I’m tired of trying, Edalyn. Your days of running are over!” 

Giving Luz a side-eye, she grumbled, “Thanks, Luz.” 

She grimaced. “Sorry.” 

“Don’t worry,” Eda said, waving a hand. “Dave’s got this. Body-” 

“Swap!” He finished cheerfully. 

He sent another haze across the entrance of the church and its plaza. Luz suddenly got very concerned. “Wait, I thought you needed permission.” 

Dave, to his credit, just shrugged in the old sister’s body. “Nah, I asked you because I care.” 

Luz put a hand over her heart. “Oh, you make it so hard to want to exorcise you.” 

“Yep, my lovable persona ensures my survival. Bye folks.” 

His presence vanished along with the smoke. What was left in the plaza was chaos. “Eda, you rotten sister!” Lilith shrieked from the hound’s mouth. “Switch me back! Ugh! Woof!” 

People looked at each other, trying to process what happened. “What’s happening?” Not-Dottie asked, pointing to Minerva. “Who the heck are you?” 

Not-Minerva got all huffy. “I’m a guard, wise mouth.” 

“No, you’re not. I am!” 

A teen tackled Dottie to the ground. “You get out of my body, you fiend!” 

“Hey! Ow!” 

With that attack, the veil of uncertainty was broken. It became a free-for-all as people fought to get their bodies back. The teens in guards’ bodies tried to use their weapons, and a guard ripped off his coif, so he could move better. 

And there was the cacophony of shouting. “This is your fault! Let go!” 

The trio watched, unsure what to do. “Are they going to be okay?” King asked. 

Eda waffled. “Eh?” 

Luz faced her. “Eda, I just want to say that things can be more complicated than you think. But with you guys, it all feels a little less mixed up.” 

Putting a hand on her shoulder, Eda smiled. “Aw, that’s sweet, kid. Now, let’s never speak of this again.” 

They got on Artyael and flew off. Luz stared at the plaza until it was out of sight. Their day really hadn’t gone as planned. It was just supposed to be a fun bet, but it was apparent now that nobody had won. “So, wait,” Luz said. “Who’s going to clean Hooty? It’s getting dire… Maybe if we all work together we could-” 

“Not it,” King and Eda interjected. 

“Aw man.” 

*****

A different patrol of guards was sent to the plaza to take care of the incident that occurred there. All involved parties were brought back to the station with the assurance that things would be sorted out shortly.

As soon as they could get a reputable witch to wrangle a demon strong enough for the task. 

Lilith, upset beyond words, was kept separate from the others. She didn’t want to see herself like this. Nor did she want to see her body being maneuvered by some mindless dog. So she sat alone in an interrogation room, facing the far wall to avoid accidentally looking at herself in the reflective window. 

Her sister had done this to her. Summoned a demon and inflicted this curse. Not only that but wrecked the very building she was waiting in. She thought that Eda still held some fondness for her, but it seemed those feelings were long gone. 

Maybe delaying Eda’s capture for as long as she had was a mistake.

She was contemplating new strategies when the door opened behind her. Unable to suppress her wagging tail, she whirled around to see who it was.

It was Lilith. 

The body wasn’t crawling on all fours like it had been hours prior. No, it glided into the room with a grace that wouldn’t be out of place if she was in control. But it wasn’t her blue eyes or expressionless countenance. She had yellow eyes and a malicious grin. 

Lilith growled, her hackles rising. “I ought to shred you to bits.”

The demon held up her hands leisurely, not worried by her threat. It tsked and reminded her, “Your body remember?”

It had a point. When she got her body back, she didn’t want to be riddled with bite marks, though she still longed to sink her teeth into the fiend. The demon’s smirk grew as it stepped closer. “Besides I’d never stay in a ‘chosen person’ for long. Too holy,” it teased before grazing a hand along her forearm. “You’re marked and everything…”

“Change me- bark!”

Stomping her front paws, she failed to get better control of her mouth as she devolved into snarling. The demon snorted. “In a minute,” it reassured, leaning on the table. “Can’t have you performing miracles on me while we’re talking favors.”

Lilith coughed and calmed down enough to ask. “You’re asking me to do you a favor? Isn’t that just extortion?”

It shook her head vigorously and pointed at her with both index fingers. “No, I want to do you a favor,” it said before waving her hands around. “To make up for this whole incident...” 

She didn’t trust it. Demons deceived. That was their purpose. From the First One creeping into the Garden to tempt man, demons were created to drag people down to hell with them.

“I know what you want,” it added, kneeling in front of her. 

Its expression became serious. Lilith believed that the demon knew but couldn’t grasped how that came to be. Had the demon been watching her as much as it had her sister? 

“Eda,” she admitted.

“Mmhmm,” it responded, nodding. “And I can help you. Whatever you need.”

Lilith squinted at him, her ears pressed back against her skull. The demon was Eda’s associate, though she shouldn’t be surprised that it was duplicitous. She’d have to not put too much faith in it either. It could betray her as well. “Are you that willing to play Judas?”

“Oh Lilith,” it responded, booping her snout. “I thought you liked that guy.”


	10. Chapter Nine: Back at it again at

“Behold, the wonders of the mortal realm.” 

Gus laid out his newest finds, gathered with some assistance from Eda the Owl Lady, before his club. One was a thin, silvery block that played music only if one had the accompanying “earphones;” another was a stone statue of a fat, bald man; and finally there was his favorite item: a colorful cubed named after Rubik. 

Strictly adhering to the rules, his club members stared at the objects and didn’t dare reach out to touch them. A boy, wearing a brown tie loosely around his neck, raised his hand. “Ah, our newest member,” Gus said. “Mattholomule. What can I do for you?” 

From what Gus could tell, Mattholomule was a part of the Missionary denomination, though his small stature would likely make that difficult. But the student was too new for Gus to get a good read. 

“A-Augustus, is this what the president of the Mortal and Modern Appreciation Society thinks passes as ‘Mortal Artifacts’?” he asked. “Because at my old school, we had real treasures.” 

He dumped things out of his bag onto the table. A tennis shoe with a painted-on checkmark, a couple of numbered cards, and a dense smartphone textured like a rock. The other students immediately fawned over what Matt revealed, but Gus clicked his tongue amusedly. “Samuel 2:3.” 

Matt didn’t get it, too busy basking in the glow of attention. “Yeah, feel free to touch them,” he said to a student. “What did you say?” 

The members grabbed Mattholomule’s items, and Gus was astonished at their carefree recklessness. He distracted himself by elucidating, “’Talk no more so exceedingly proudly. Let not arrogancy come out of your mouth: for the Lord is a God of Knowledge, and by him, actions are weighed.’” 

Still refusing to look at Gus, Matt rolled his eyes. “Ah how could I forget a literalist never uses their own words.” 

Stunned by his audacity, indignant anger overtook Gus. Taking a deep breath, Gus failed to suppress the feeling. “Yeah well, how about you never used your own artifacts.” 

The other kids gave him a weird look. Gus had stumbled through the words but got to his point. “These are fakes.” 

The kids gasped at the accusation. Mattholomule slammed his hands on the table. “You can’t prove that! You’re just upset that no one appreciated what you brought to the table. Or your stupid rules. Stop trying to micromanage us and ruin our fun.” 

The other kids were uncomfortable but didn’t disagree with Matt. “You know,” he continued, a hair calmer. “Maybe you should let someone else be in charge of the club. See if someone else would be a better fit.” 

Looking at the members, Gus didn’t find a supportive face among them. If he acquiesced, he’d be voted out of office. But he couldn’t exactly say no, lest he become the nitpicking tyrant they accuse him of being, so he went with a new strategy. “What if I brought in an expert?” 

Mattholomule crossed his arms, unimpressed by his ploy. “Yeah, right. Who can you find that’s a bigger mortal expert than any of us?” 

“How about a real mortal?” 

The other members got excited. “Why the secrets?” one asked.

Another said, “Show, don’t tell, man.” 

“Yeah, uh-huh,” Mattholomule said in disbelief. “And you’ve never brought your friend here, why?” 

Cause she was banned, but Gus could get around that. He’d have to get around it if he wanted to keep his position as president. Maybe Reverend Bump would be lenient if he asked. “Well, she’s busy,” he replied. “She’s got a job. But I’ll bring her in tomorrow. She’ll prove I’m right.” 

Mattholomule’s eyes narrowed. “Sure you will, Augustus. Sure you will.” 

*****

As soon as their meeting was over, Gus made his way to the principal’s office. It was tucked in a corner of the sprawling reception area like the observatory in a panopticon; the blinds were always up, so people could see when the reverend was in, and he could see who visited the front office.

The reverend was sitting at his desk, writing something. Steeling himself, Gus approached the office door and knocked. “Principal Bump.” 

Bump looked up. “Ah, Mister Augustus,” he greeted before tucking his work into a drawer. “How can I help you?” 

Walking up to the desk, Gus hid his trembling hands behind his back. “I was wondering if I could bring a special guest to my club, the Mortal and Modern Appreciation Society, tomorrow.” 

“I’m not opposed to the idea,” Bump said, folding his hands. “Though we’d have to vet them before they come on campus. And who might this special guest be?” 

Moment of truth, Gus thought, exhaling slowly. “Luz Noceda?” 

Bump’s smile faded. “The mortal? The one that was banned after the disastrous incident she caused only a few weeks ago?” 

Gus nodded, trying to give an argument, “She’s from the culture that we’re trying to appreciate. I feel like my club members could benefit a lot from meeting her.” 

Bump sighed, placing a hand to his forehead. “Unfortunately, due to her past, I can’t allow her to attend your meeting tomorrow.” 

Putting his hands on Bump’s desk, Gus leaned in. “What about a second chance? Matthew 6:15 says-” 

“’But if you do not forgive other their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins,’ he interrupted with surprising patience. “I’m aware, Augustus. However, forgiveness and trust are two different things. And I do not trust this Luz Noceda to behave herself on my campus.” 

Gus set his jaw. “Very well, Reverend Bump. Thank you for your time.” 

“Go in peace.” 

*****

“Gus, I’d love to go to school with you, but I don’t know how I can. I’m banned, remember?” 

Gus watched Luz sort through boxes, to what end he didn’t know, but they did have a bunch of cool stuff. Beside Luz, her mentor was doing the same thing. “For the better,” she commented, waving a hand. “There ain’t nothing for you at that cookie-cutter Christian factory. No offense, cookie Christian.” 

Nodding, he replied, “It’s okay. I come from a big batch of cookie Christians.” 

Luz dropped the thing she was holding back in its box and stood. “Well, I would love to go some day,” Luz declared, putting her hands on her hips. “Better than unpacking boxes in the Church of Eda.” 

“Oh, you think you’re clever, huh?” Eda said, getting up. 

To which King called for them to fight. The pair ignored him. “First off, it’s the Blessed House of the Bad Girls, and second off, I guess you don’t want in on the T-shirt order, huh?” 

She showed Luz a piece of lined paper. The doodle boasted Eda in a wimple with shades, using Artyael to shred down a steeple. It was about as sacrilegious as Luz expected. “I don’t care about T-shirts, Eda! I want to be a Christian, and they teach that at Hexside!” 

“I mean, yeah well, ugh.” 

Eda had no coherent response. Shoving the paper in her hair, she stomped to the door. “I don’t want to hear another word about Hexside unless it’s ‘Hexside is on fire’ and ‘Let’s grab front row seats’!” 

She slammed the door behind her, and King looked to Luz. “Aw, look what you did,” he said before smiling wickedly. “I’m going to go rub it in.” 

He hurried after her with a malicious snicker. Luz sighed. She’d go apologize in time; it was mean to speak lowly of Eda, but she was so tired of trying to learn from her only to get wrapped up in shenanigans. How was she supposed to make progress and fulfill her promise, if she never learned anything? 

Gus stepped closer, subtly reminding her of his presence. “Luz, about the ban,” he started, touching his mouth with his index fingers. “I, uh, used my MAMAS presidential authority to pull some strings. You’ve been given a full pardon!” 

Twirling around, she said, “You mean…” 

“I got the ban lifted!” 

“Thank God. Yes, yes, yes!” Luz cheered, hugging him. When she pulled away, she said, “Of course I’ll be there tomorrow! Gus, this will be great! I get to see the school and save the president.” 

“Great,” Gus responded, heading for the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow!” 

Outside, Gus relaxed and reassured himself, “It’s fine. You can get away with this- just get her in and out without the Powers noticing. You can do this.” 

“Sure, you can!” 

Gus shrieked, whipping around to see Hooty. “I always forget you’re there.” 

“I forget I’m here too,” Hooty commented, his voice drifting away. “Boop.” 

Turning away, Gus smiled. “Yep, still feeling optimistic. This is going to work out after all.”

*****

“This isn’t going to work at all!” Willow said. 

Willow wasn’t reacting to his plan like he had hoped. He was glad he told her outside of the school, so no one would overhear their conversation. “Well,” Gus responded defensively. “I feel like I took care of any potential problems.” 

She frowned. “You lied to our best friend and told her you got the ban lifted. That seems like a potential problem to me.” 

“You don’t understand,” he said. “The members were going mad. They were bloodthirsty. They were touching objects. I had no choice!” 

Crossing her arms, Willow had her doubts. “Really? Did you ask? And what about all the wanted posters?” 

“What wanted posters?” Gus replied while showing her his messenger bag full of said posters. Digging beneath the papers, he pulled out clothes. “I also got her this. So she can blend in.” 

“Why would I need to blend in?” 

Squeaking, Gus faced Luz. “To keep you under wraps until the big reveal,” he lied before holding up the clothes. “It’s just a spare uniform.” 

“And it’s plaid!” Luz said excitedly. 

She swapped her hoodie for the blazer and put the skirt on over her shorts. “Don’t worry about spoiling the surprise,” she added. “You bring the razzle, I’ll bring the dazzle.” 

Luz tossed some confetti from her pockets. Willow looked on with confusion. “Do you always have confetti on you or…” 

Horns trumpeted without a source. “That’s my alarm,” Gus declared before grabbing Luz’s hand to drag her away. “Uh, we better get going. See you after school, Willow.” 

“Bye, friend,” Luz called while waving. “Be safe. Make good choices.” 

Willow shook her head and sighed. “Oh, Gus. I hope you know what you’re doing.”

*****

Luz had gone to school. She was polite enough to tell Eda, and apologize for yesterday, but she still left. With King napping on Luz’s sleeping bag, Eda had no one to help her process the complicated feelings that evoked.

She ended up sitting on the porch, talking to Hooty. “I’m trying to protect her. Hexside chews up anything unique and spits out bland mush.” 

Kids go from happy, optimistic ingénues to apologetics-spouting high and mighty monsters. People who were willing to stone others and not think twice about it, but question their choice of essential oils, and it would result in a relationship-ending argument. Eda knew she was being hyperbolic, but those exact things were expected of her when she attended school. 

“I chew insects,” Hooty said. “I turn them into mush.” 

Eda ran a hand through her hair. “But that’s my beef,” she admitted. “Does she need to draw her own conclusions?” 

Could she though? Would the pressure get to her? She crumpled when her friends wanted to celebrate Walpurgis Night, and they weren’t even trying to push her. How would she react to the professors? 

“My beef is insects. They’re what I eat.” 

Eda chuckled, looking up at him. “You’re just going to be unhelpful, huh?” 

His apathy almost made her feel better about the situation. “All I know is you taught me,” he replied. “And I turned out just fine.” 

He proceeded to try at eat a bug out of his tongue’s reach, making gagging noises in the process. Eda realized quite suddenly that she didn’t teach Hooty. He just got old while in her presence. Which would happen to Luz if she didn’t do anything. “I got to get that girl into school.” 

With that, she got up and started running.

*****

While Gus and Luz were walking around the school, they witnessed a pair of teens steal the backpack of another student. They played monkey in the middle while their victim begged them to stop.

Luz was about to stalk over and rectify the situation when a trio of beings appeared. Bedecked in golden armor, their entire form was hidden; through the narrow slits of their helms, one could see glowing eyes. They carried weighted chains in their gloved hands.

With a graceful swing, one caught a student’s arm with its chain. It dragged the student away as his accomplice tried to run. Another being nabbed him by the ankle, sending him crashing to the ground. Both students were hauled past Gus and Luz. The third creature wandered the scene while the student grabbed his backpack and hurried away. 

“That’s new,” Luz commented, rubbing away goosebumps. 

“Well, they kind of showed up after your last visit,” Gus explained. “They’re Powers, the warrior angels. They oppose evil.” 

A helmeted face turned to them, its eyes flashing red. “Evil?” 

“Okay,” Gus said, grabbing Luz’s arm. “Time to run for no particular reason.” 

They ran down the hall. Looking back, Gus didn’t notice the person in front of him. He bumped into Mattholomule, and his bag tumbled out of his grip. The wanted posters spilled out of his bag. 

While he scrambled to stuff them back in, Matt brushed himself off. “Augustus, you should really watch where you’re going. Don’t want the president of the MAMAS getting hurt on this last day in office.”

He eyed Luz, crossing his arms. “This must be your mortal,” he added. “Hmm. Looks like another student to me.” 

“Psst,” Gus hissed from the floor. He did jazz hands. “Dazzle.” 

Luz didn’t know what to do to prove her mortality aside from popping her buttons and sweeping back the tails of the blazer to put her hands on her hips. “Oh, Tada!” 

Nothing really changed, but Matt’s jaw dropped. “A mortal?” 

For once, Luz wondered what distinguished her from the people who live here. Could they see her soul or something? “Not just any mortal,” Gus said, getting to his feet. “An expert mortal.” 

Luz grinned. “Yeah, I’ve been doing this for years.” 

Gus put his hands on Luz’s arms, moving her around Mattholomule. “She’s here to authenticate your treasures,” he said, reveling how pale Matt’s face had become. “See you at the meeting.” 

The pair walked away as Matt punched a locker. He spotted one of Gus’ papers on the ground. It had rolled out of sight beside an end locker. Picking it up, Matt read it and smirked.

Gus put a hand to his chest. “As the president, I should feel bad about dunking on one of our members,” he confessed. “But as a Gus, I feel like doing this.” 

He did a little dance before noticing that Luz has wandered off to look at trophies in a display case. “Wow! Who got the trophy for most accurate prediction of a catastrophic incident?” she asked, turning back to Gus. 

Gus saw another Powers prowling nearby and hurried to pull her away to safety. “We don’t have time for this right now,” he said, looking around for any more trouble. “We got to get to the clubroom.” 

Luz shrugged it off. “Okay, but next time you have to give me a full tour.” 

“Yea-ah, next time.” 

He laughed uneasily as they reached an intersection. Luz perked up, seeing a person down the hall. A little man in professor’s robes. “Ooh, it’s the Angel professor,” she said, nudging Gus. “I should introduce myself… and apologize for the incident.” 

In a louder voice, she called to him, “Hey, Mr. Angel Professor. The ‘Angel-Maker.’ Remember me?” 

With a clap of her hands, she got a holy light to radiate down on her. She praised God in her head for the excellent timing. The professor stared at her, a perplexed expression on his face. 

“Oh, wouldn’t you know? We suddenly have time for a full tour of Hexside,” Gus said, dragging her away from the professor before he could recognize her.

*****

“Been quite a while since I’ve sat here, huh?” Eda said, putting her feet up on Reverend Bump’s desk. “I got to admit it’s extra weird without you yelling at me for picking fights or stealing.” 

With a blank face, he deadpanned, “I can easily change that.” 

With a snap, her feet flew through the desk as if it was made of water. They hit the ground with a sharp thwack. As she rubbed her knees, he asked, “What are you doing here, Edalyn?” 

Sitting up straight, she tried to look somewhat serious. “I want to enroll my mortal, Luz, at Hexside,” she declared while raising a hand. “And before you get all judgy-” 

“That’s not a bad idea,” he interjected.

“You no good-” she started before processing what he said. “Wait, really?” 

“I think there’s a lot she could learn from a structured environment, and the student body could learn a lot from having such an exchange student. But before I even consider that, there’s a lot to be answered for.” 

Getting up, Bump went to a nearby filing cabinet. Eda propped up her feet again. “All right,” she said, leaning back. “Yeah. I heard all about that angel incident.” 

With another snap, Eda’s chair spun around, so that she had to readjust to face his desk. “Oh, I’m not talking about Luz,” he replied, walking a thick stack of papers back to his desk. “I’m talking about the necrotic experiments, the graffiti, the scams, the cheating, Miss Jenkinmeyer’s teeth. The trouble you caused when you were here, Eda.” 

The papers landed on the desk with a loud thud. The top page had her name in large print, “Edalyn Clawthorne.” Sinking in her seat, Eda commented, “Huh, I thought there’d be more.”

*****

“This is where we play the sport.” 

Luz would describe it less as a sport and more as a game of war. One team wore robes marked with red crosses and the other had blue leather-plated cloaks. Luz assumed the swords and spears were fake, but the cavalry was definitely real. Catapults chucked lacrosse balls across the field to barrage wooden fortifications.

Luz winced as a rubber-tipped arrow hit a student in the thigh. Clutching her leg, she shouted, “Ow, I hate this game!” 

A horn blared, declaring the student dead. She limped to the bench as another Powers wandered onto the field. Gus took Luz back inside, telling her the game was as good as over. 

As they passed a brightly lit door, Luz got distracted. “Oh, what’s in here?” 

“The Dominion’s homeroom.” 

The light came from the numerous skylights used to warm the plants scattered around the room. Luz gaped at all them; some seemed supernatural, like a tree with golden apples, ferns the size of elephants, and Venus Flytraps large enough to eat a person. They spotted Willow feeding a flytrap and waved hi. 

She waved back to Luz, but she shook her head disappointedly at Gus. He laughed uncomfortably before tugging Luz to their next location, the next hall over. 

Stopping beside an open door, Gus said, “And this is where I spend my time. The Literalist homeroom.” 

Peeking inside, Luz found students being graded for performing miracles using specific quote from the Bible. Luz had mixed feelings upon seeing Amity’s siblings.  
For his blessing, Edric walked on water in a kiddie pool while Emira put her hand in the flame of a Bunsen burner and removed it unscathed. 

Luz had to admit they were still cool before facing Gus. “Wait, shouldn’t you be in class right now?” 

“Oh, I asked to be excused,” Gus explained, adjusting his grip on his bag. “I was caught up with my work, so the professor didn’t mind.” 

She waggled her eyebrows and grinned. “Wow, you’re pretty studious then.” 

Gus smiled but tried to downplay it how happy the recognition made him. “Yeah, I may have moved up a couple of grades.” 

The bell rang. “Oh!” Gus said, looking up. “Time for the meeting.” 

Quirking her head to the side, Luz asked, “In the middle of classes?” 

Guiding her through the sudden mass of students trying to go places, he answered, “Free period before service.” 

“Service?” Luz repeated excitedly. “You guys do church services?” 

“On Wednesdays.” 

That created so many questions. Luz picked just one to ask. “Do all the different denominations go to the same services or is that kind of messy since not all of you believe the same things?” 

“Luz,” Gus replied, looking back at her. “I’d love to explain, but after the meeting.” 

Nodding, Luz gestured for him to keep moving. “Right, right, lead the way.” 

The club room was on the third floor, where less students gathered. Gus stopped her beside the door before entering to the sound of chanting. “Mortal, mortal! Mortal, mortal!” 

Gus stood before the chalkboard and motioned for the members to settle down. When they were quiet, he declared, “Mortal and Modern Appreciation Society, it is my distinct pleasure to introduce to you…” 

Luz danced into the student’s sight before twirling and tossing confetti. “Luz, the mortal.” 

The teens were all enthralled. “Such showmanship.” 

“She’s horrifying,” another whispered.

While Luz strode into the room, Gus gestured to the items on the table. “Luz, will you inspect the items?”

“Of course, Mr. President,” she said, dipping her head. “Allow me to determine if they’re truly of my realm’s origin.” 

“Stop!” Matt shouted before sweeping his stuff off the table. The members gasped as the things clattered on the ground. “Don’t even bother, mortal. I have something to say.” 

Facing the others, he sighed. “I’m new here at Hexside. Making friends has been hard, so I lied. They’re all fakes,” he admitted, rubbing his eyes. “I thought if I was important enough people would like me. But I’ve caused enough drama. So, I’ll go. I’m sorry.” 

Luz put a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, man. It’s okay. You’re only human, well, you know what I mean.” 

Luz again wondered if they were humans. They certainly looked and acted like humans. “Mattholomule, you aren’t alone,” Gus reassured. “You have a place here in the MAMAS.” 

“You’re not alone,” another member echoed.

“We admire your honesty.” 

The final member pointed to Matt before motioning a pointer finger from one shoulder to another. Not many in the valley knew sign language, but the club got the gist. Wiping his eyes, Mattholomule offered them a teary smile. “Thanks, guys. I hoped you’d understand.”

*****

“I don’t want to do this!” Eda said through clenched teeth.

Bump patted her back, a smirk crossing his lips. “There’s the whiny rebel teen I remember,” he responded before putting a mop in her hand. “You’ll need this to clean up all the mystical graffiti you left us. Good luck!” 

Eda watched him go, half-hoping he’d come back and say this was a prank. When he was out of sight, she committed herself to doing the menial task. It was for Luz. 

But she didn’t have to act all smiley about it. “Meh!” Eda grumped, slamming a mop with holy water on it against a locker.

The ink on it transformed from an insult about Bump to a swear. 

*****

After Matt’s confession, Luz got to field questions for the rest of the meeting. Most of them were innocuous, but one student couldn’t believe that self-driving cars existed. Another wanted to play with her cellphone for the whole time. But when the period ended, the members got up to leave. 

“Thanks for coming,” one said as they walked out the door.

Another called, “Come back soon.” 

The final member waved goodbye, silently giggling as she hurried after her friends. Mattholomule hung around. “Hey, Augustus, Luz, thank you for being so forgiving.”

It was a teensy error, and Matt came clean soon after. Luz couldn’t hold it against him, given his reasoning; she had done some pretty stupid things to impress people as well. “We’ve all been the new kid before,” she replied, looking at her friend. “Right, Gus?” 

“Yeah. Matthew 6:15.” 

Luz nodded, ever impressed by his relevant quotes. “Well,” Matt said, digging into his pocket. “I have just one thing to say…” 

The door banged open, revealing a pair of Powers. “There she is!” he shouted as he held up the wanted poster and pointed. “She’s the intruder!” 

The Powers’ eyes flashed red, and one hissed, “Evil.” 

“No, it’s fine,” Luz responded, waving a hand. “The ban’s been lifted. Tell ‘em, Gus.” 

A chain clamped on her wrist and another around her waist. Gus did nothing. They dragged her out of the room as she called back to him, “Gus! Tell them!” 

Matt looked at Gus with a smug smirk. “Oh, who’s the liar now, Augustus?” 

*****

Luz fought against the chains, but the angels were infinitely stronger than her. It took everything she had to remain upright as she pleaded, “Help! I don’t even learn here!” 

She hoped some student or professor would come save her. Even Amity and her guardian angel would be a sight for sore eyes. The best she got was Willow poking her head out of her homeroom. “Luz?”

A teacher hollered for her to leave the Powers be. She disappeared with a concerned frown, condemning Luz to her fate.

Craning her neck, she tried to see what was happening. “Where are you taking me?” 

“Detention.” 

“Oh,” she responded with a nervous smile. “That won’t be so bad, right?” 

Luz got tossed into a classroom. The chains receded and the Powers left, locking the door behind them. Scanning the room, Luz decided it wasn’t so bad.

Except there was a hole in the floor. “Um, that looks like a pit- the Pit?” 

It was in the middle of the classroom, deeper than she could see without getting closer. But the pit was getting closer to her, the floor crumbling into it as it expanded. She pressed her back against the door as the black, bubbling tar at its bottom came into view. 

“Is that... mud? Oh God. What is happening?”

*****

Back in the club room, Mattholomule took his time gloating. “I can’t believe you two fell for that,” he said before chuckling. “Like I’d actually apologize.” 

“What did you do?” Gus demanded. 

He was clearly referring to the Powers, but Matt was too impressed by his deception to think of anything else. “Ah boohoo,” he said, putting on a sad face. “I’m sorry. ‘I am the new kid.’ ‘I want friends.’” 

His expression cracked as he laughed. “No. I want power. And I want drama. And I got one of those right now,” he declared before leaning over Gus. “So, what’re you going to do, Mr. President?” 

Gritting his teeth, Gus raised his fist. “Executive action.” 

He broke the glass door to a fire extinguisher, triggering an alarm. That attracted the attention of Powers, who roped both of them up. They towed them off to detention without a word.

Mattholomule had a lot to say in their stead. “But I didn’t do anything! It was all Augustus! Are you even listening to me? I demand justice!” 

They got throw in, and Gus started looking for Luz while Matt struggled with the door. “Wait! Get me out of here! Open up!” 

“Luz!” 

She emerged from an overturned desk. “Gus, you said the ban was lifted!” 

The pit widened as if sensing more people were present. Clawed, bony hands dripping with mud reached out from the pit. They knocked over desks and chairs, searching for unwitting victims. 

The teens screamed.

*****

Dragging a trash bag behind her, Eda found the reverend in the cafeteria watching over his students. Plopping the sopping remains before him, she said, “There, the heavenly choir con trumpets has been removed from the girls’ changing room.” 

“Are you ready to give up?” he asked, his eyes on a pair of girls practicing a miracle. “You’ve barely scratched the surface.” 

Eda grumbled before noticing that the girls were talking about how God and Friendship are the greatest gifts of all. To top off the saccharine scene, the girls hugged. “They’re just as bad as Luz,” Eda commented before smiling. “She’d love it here. All right. What’s next, Revie?” 

He held up a plunger, completely unexplained, and Eda curled her hands into fists, trying not to scream.

*****

“How is this detention?” Luz asked, ducking under a hand. “This is a death sentence!” 

Gus leaned against door, not yet noticed by the monstrous hands. “I don’t know! I’ve never been in detention before!” 

“Welcome to my world,” Matt said, shuffling beside him. His arrogant attitude had returned. “Believe it or not, in my old school, I was in detention plenty of times.” 

“That isn’t hard to believe,” Luz commented. “You’re kind of a jerk.” 

He rolled with the insult. “Well, down in detention, this jerk is king,” he declared, pointing to himself with his thumb. “So, if you want to get out, you better do exactly what I say. But first, before anything else, we got to-” 

He was grabbed by a hand that spanned his entire torso. He sighed. “Already?” 

As he was dragged down into the pit, Luz called, “Mattholomule!” 

After a pause long enough for a prayer, Luz looked back up at Gus. “You lied to me. You lied about the ban! Why?” 

“I was afraid,” he said, moving towards her. “I acted stupid.” 

“Yes, you did!” 

“Being younger than everyone is hard. You’re overlooked. Ignored. But at MAMAS, I mattered. I could make sure no one would ever get left behind. I didn’t want to lose that. I’m sorry.” 

Distracting a hand with a desk, she got close enough to lower her voice. “I get it,” she said, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I just wish you told me the truth.” 

“Let me make it up to you, Luz. I’ve got a plan.” 

Luz kicked away a hand, replying, “I’m in. Where do we start?” 

Clenching his jaw, he glared into the pit. He’d regret it if he didn’t at least try. “By leaving no one behind.” 

“Wait, what?” Luz said before Gus took her hand.

They jump into the pit. At the bottom, Mattholomule had sunken waist deep somehow. Luz was perplexed because mud had hardly covered her shoes. She approached him, pointing down. “Do we just pull him out?”

“Yes!” Matt answered, struggling but sinking further in. 

Gus was less certain. “I guess, but- look out!” 

Luz whirled around to see a hand emerging from the sludge. She stomped on it. It disappeared under the mud and didn’t resurface. “Now that we’re here. What was that plan?” 

Running from more trouble, Gus said, “Pull him out, and we’ll ascend by the grace of God.” 

Luz turned to Mattholomule and started pulling him out by the shoulders. It was slow going as the mud resisted her efforts. “That’s it?” she huffed. “What about all the hands?” 

“Well, hands need something to hold.” 

Gus stuck his hand into the sludge, and from it, arose some masses. If one squinted, they could determine the mud to be humanoid. The demon hands didn’t seem to know any better, reaching to grab them. 

“A genius and a wordsmith.” 

“What's better than something they can't keep?” Gus responded, watching how the mud men reformed every time a hand squished them. “Psalms 139:16. ‘Your eyes saw my unformed body.’” 

“Wow, I didn’t even know you could do that!” Luz exclaimed as Gus dashed back to her side. 

With his help, they freed Mattholomule. “Finally!” he said, wiping muck off his uniform. “Now get me out of here!” 

Gus muttered to himself, “Reverend Bump was right. Just because you forgive, doesn’t mean you forget. People actually have to show progress before you learn to trust them again.” 

Louder, he prayed, “Lord, give us wings like a dove!” 

The three were catapulted rather ungracefully out of the pit. They landed on the floor, but the hands weren’t done with them. Matt hurried to the door, only to find it was still locked. 

“Grab a desk,” Gus said. “We’re going to have to bust down the door.”

“On it.” 

Luz scooped up a desk by two legs, and Gus grabbed the other legs. With a groan, Matt joined them in the middle holding the leg guard. They charged at the door and…

*****

Eda followed Bump through the halls, listing off all her atoning acts. “I washed off all the graffiti. Apologized to Jenkinmeyer for stealing her teeth. Caught all the wild wisps. We should be good.” 

Stopping before the detention room door, Bump nodded. “It will be very exciting to have a real mortal exchange student.” 

He offered her his hand. Squinting at it, she shook it. “And you won’t tell the big C of E about this, will you?” 

“No,” he responded firmly. “Hexside is safe for you both. I’m a Principal, not a stooge. Consider your pupil our pupil.” 

The door beside them smashed to bits. The trio of students responsible fell out of the door with Mattholomule skidding along with the desk. He stopped before Reverend Bump, collapsing onto his ride. Luz got up, out of breath, and spotted her mentor. “Eda?” 

“Guess who got you into Hexside!” Eda said, holding out her hand and grinning.

“What?” 

Luz was still thinking about how she almost died. Giant hands drowning her in mud now topped her worst ways to die list, beating out falling from a walking house and being burnt to a crisp by a dragon. 

Worse yet, the danger wasn’t gone. Demonic hands grasped for Gus and Luz. They froze at the sound of Bump snapping his fingers before melting into mud. Stepping around the limp body and desk, he asked, “What did you do?” 

“Ugh, kid,” Eda said, covering her face with a hand.

Bump turned to Eda, his pale face flushing red. “To think that any student of yours would be capable of doing anything but create chaos!” he shouted. “Eda, take your student and leave! You are both banned from this campus!” 

Thinking on it, Eda wasn’t really surprised. Luz getting into trouble almost felt inevitable. At least, she got kicked out before she was too invested in her classes and classmates. Eda sighed. “Come on, kid. Let’s go.” 

She held out a hand to Luz, but Gus spoke up, “Wait, Reverend Bump. Don’t blame Luz. I ignored what you said, and I told her the ban was lifted. We were fighting over the appreciation society. I brought Luz in because I wanted to win. This is all my fault.” 

Bump looked down at him, gauging his honesty. “Very well,” he said, facing Luz and Eda. “In light of that, barring any more trouble, you shall officially be enrolled in Hexside School next semester.” 

Luz gasped. “Hold on,” Eda said, pulling Luz aside and kneeling before her. 

“I’m only doing this because I have faith in you,” she said softly. “And I know you’re too smart to fall for that One Way to Live, One Way to Heaven nonsense. You can learn a lot from the professors here, and maybe push back against some apologetics rhetoric.” 

“I didn’t hear that,” Bump declared before addressing Gus, “As for you, I would be saying detention right now, but that seems to be out of order. So, as of now, I’m removing you from the Mortal and Modern Appreciation Society.” 

Gus expected as much. Hopefully, this punishment wouldn’t be permanent. Matt didn’t lift his head but uttered, “Does that make me president?” 

“Impressive. Still conscious,” Bump responded, glancing at him. “Yes, I suppose you are.” 

“Yes,” Matt said weakly while raising a fist. 

Turning away, Bump motioned for Eda to follow him. “Now with that taken care of, Eda, we have some paperwork to fill out.” 

“Wait, I got to do more stuff?! Ugh!” Eda grumbled before looking at Luz and winking. “You better enjoy this place, kid.” 

Eda and Bump walked away. Luz watched them go, not sure if this entire day had been a dream. But she would’ve woken up by now, so it must be real. She’d wait until tomorrow before she truly believed it.

Gus approached Luz. “Want to finish off that tour?”

Bobbing her head, she was happy to live in this dream for a little while longer.

*****

Incident #92: At 1100 hours, Edalyn Clawthorne got into an argument with Mrs. Jenkinmeyer again. This time about evolution. Eda proceeded to steal Jenkinmeyer’s dentures, saying, “If God made humans perfect and unchanging, why are you trying to change what He gave you?” Jenkinmeyer could not coherently respond, for she had no teeth.

Incident #104: At 0800 hours, Edalyn Clawthorne somehow managed to gather an entire pack of stray dogs and unleashed them in the Dominion’s homeroom after a fight where the dominion students claimed dogs didn’t have souls. The damage to plants and furniture was valued at 1200 quid. Edalyn miraculously paid for the damages by selling said dogs to Laudes students. She claimed it was a ‘win-win,’ but staff disagreed. 

Incident #142: At 1300 hours, Edalyn Clawthorne tainted the Purifier tract’s supply of Eucharist. No one was sure what she put in the massive barrel of grape juice, so the bright green beverage had to be dumped out. I’d like to think it would taste like how cut grass smells, but nobody tried it to find out.

Incident #237: At some hour, I don’t know how Edalyn Clawthorne did it, but she did. The school’s entire supply of lacrosse balls have been imbued with wisps. These naïve little flames are moving about like they’re still ethereal, resulting in broken windows, bruised students, and the loss of my last shred of patience. God give me strength, but I’m still taking a long weekend.”


	11. Chapter Ten: City of Angels

“What if he gets hurt?” Luz asked, biting her nails. “What if the other kids are mean to him? My parental instincts are freaking out, man.” 

She sat with Eda, away from King. Per his request, they were at a playground. Patting her shoulder, Eda chided, “Relax, trad wife. He’s fine.” 

Fiddling with the cuffs on her shorts, Luz took a deep breath. She watched King scale a rock wall toward the top of the structure. “I guess it looks like he’s having fun,” she admitted. “Aw, I wonder what cute little game he’s playing.” 

“Stand back, heathens,” he shouted as he reached the landing.

Though King would never say it aloud, spending time with people his size was the only way he could exert power. Those people had doughy brains and were easy to manipulate. “Yes, Yes! This is a throne worthy of a tyrant,” he declared before looking down at the toddlers. “Bow to me, you snotty underlings. Bow!” 

One blinked and smiled. “Okay.” 

The kids clearly didn’t know how to bow as one did a backbend and another put their head between their knees. King lapped up the blind obedience regardless. Rubbing his hands together, he stepped closer to the slide. “Yes, appease your master.” 

“This isn’t for standing,” a boy said, coming up behind him. “It’s for sliding. You try.” 

The kid pushed King down the slide. He tumbled head over heels several times before crashing into the mulch at its base. Stomping his foot, he felt bark shift around in his onesie. King promptly ran over to his keepers. “Eda, that monster took my throne!” 

Eda looked to where he pointed and quirked an eyebrow. “You mean the baby?” 

His arm dropped to his side. “No, the usurper,” he corrected. “I want you to go over there… and- and blow him up! Kaboom!” 

Eda rolled her eyes so she wouldn’t laugh at his spur of the moment idea. “Yeah, I’m not doing that.” 

“Why not?” he whined. “Just ask Art to rain mighty justice from the heavens.” 

Putting a protective hand around her staff, she retorted, “No way. Art’s my lovable lackey alone. I’m not going to waste his time with petty revenge.” 

“Petty?” he squeaked indignantly.

Luz leaned over, her eyes fixed on Artyael at the top of the crosier. “How’d you get an angel, anyways? It’s not like he’s a guardian angel.” 

“Artyael is a messenger angel, a being of pure emotion, in this case love. ‘Love to make me realize that God cares for all His creations.’ God sent him after well, you know. Like an abusive ex-boyfriend that guy, but hey if I never get the memo, I get to keep him.” 

Art caught flame as a little wisp. He floated around Eda’s head before settling in her lap. She kind of petted him, her fingers trailing through his yellow flames. Smiling faintly, Luz wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. But if Art was opposed to it, he’d say something, right? 

“Fine, don’t even pay attention to me,” King grumbled, crossing his arms. “Revenge will taste all the sweeter if they fall by my hand alone.” 

He cackled before a kid came and shoved him. “Tag, your It!” 

With a laugh, the kid ran off. King laid in the dirt for a little while, causing Eda to lean forward and watch. “Oh man. Here we go. King’s squeak of rage.” 

Sitting up, King unleashed a high-pitched squeal, sharp enough to shake glass, while he thrashed. There was a pause as he got to his feet. He charged back onto the playground, a new piercing shriek forcing its way out of his lips.

Eda laughed, wiping a stray tear from her eye. “He’s like a little teakettle.” 

Luz looked back at Artyael, watching as Eda absentmindedly ran a hand through him. He floated above her lap. There was something about it that didn’t add up. “Wait, how does he fit on the crosier?” 

“Well, he has to become material to do that,” Eda explained, picking him up in her hands. His flame extinguished as he became a tiny humanoid shape. “Material angels have this ashy quality to them that makes it easy for him to blend into the wood.” 

Looking like a clay figure, he waved at Luz with a doughy mit. Luz wriggled a finger at him while commenting, “That didn’t really explain what-” 

“He’s supernatural, I don’t know!” Eda interrupted. “If he fits, he sits.” 

“Aw, like a kitty.” 

Art curled up before returning to his ethereal form. Holding up a hand, Eda grinned as he whirled around it in lazy circles. “He’s a lot like-” 

Looking over, Eda found the bench empty. The color had drained out of her surroundings. The only spot of light among the greys was the glowing white door, taunting her with its proximity. Ignoring it, she called out, “Luz? Hello?” 

There came a weak response, a faint sound as if someone was shouting from across a field. “Eda?” 

She recognized the voice, or at least she hoped she did. “Luz?” 

The world around her shook. She opened her eyes, and color returned to the setting. She could tell by the blue sky she was staring at. The feeling of the hard bench beneath her shoulder blades explained some things. 

The shaking hadn’t stopped, but now it had a clear cause. “Eda, Eda! Wake up!” 

Groaning, Eda sat up. Luz watched her closely, a hand still on the older woman’s arm. The muscles under her fingers were tensed. “Are you alright?” she asked.

Eda rubbed her face. Her eyes were vacant as they wandered around. “What?” 

Her pupils became pinpricks as she realized what was happening. “Oh no, the curse,” she muttered before lurching to her feet. Luz supported an arm and Eda leaned on her staff. “Hey, we have to get home, now.” 

Nodding, Luz looked to the playset. “King, we have to go!” 

“Five more minutes!” 

“King!” Eda shouted, her head throbbing with the effort. 

King kicked the mulch. “Ah man,” he grumbled. Pointing to the child, he threatened, “This isn’t over.” 

Naïve to the danger, the kid waved. “Okay, let’s play again real soon.”

Straddling her staff, Eda tried not to slump forward on it; her spine was in knots, too twisted to support her. Luz got on behind her, placing a sympathetic hand on Eda’s back. Her other arm held King close. 

With everyone on board, Eda took off in a jerky upward motion. They jolted forward, sharply swerving away from buildings as they cropped up. Her driving was a bit reckless, but she couldn’t do much better with her dulling senses. Artyael helped where he could.

The Owl House was a relief to see, and Eda hardly registered Hooty’s greeting as she staggered through the door. Eda collapsed on the couch, Art falling from her hand to the floor. Luz hurried past her. “I’ll go get your elixir.” 

Forcing her face up, Eda replied, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll get it myself in a bit.” 

Luz wasn’t convinced but stayed in the living room. “I’m going to stay here and take care of you,” she declared. “I could put King in a little doctor’s outfit.” 

King looked up from his doodles. “Eh?” 

“No one wants to see that.” 

“I do,” Luz responded in an eerily serious voice while staring at King.

“Look,” Eda said, propping herself up on an elbow. “I know how to take care of myself. I’ve had this curse longer than you’ve been alive.” 

Stepping closer, Luz pressed her luck. “So, how’d you get it?” 

Eda rubbed her forehead while admitting, “I don’t know.” 

“You don’t know?” Luz repeated with some doubt.

How could she not know? Could someone have inflicted a curse on her without the two ever coming face to face? If that was the case, then she’d likely never figure out who did this to her. Not that finding its creator would magically get rid of the curse.

Struggling into a sitting position, Eda looked at the rug. “Somebody gave it to me,” she said, her arms wrapped around her waist. “I have my theories, but it doesn’t matter because I’m fine, alright?” 

Her tone changed entirely as she waved a hand. “Anyway, don’t you have plans with dumb-inion and dumb-inion-er?” 

Luz didn’t like how Eda was trying to change topics. Looking at Eda’s uncomfortable smile, she decided that it wasn’t worth pushing it, especially when Eda wasn’t feeling well. “Um, Willow, Gus, and I are going to the bout between Hexside and Glandus High.” 

The smile became more natural as Eda snorted. “Since when are you into sports?” 

“Since I found a little something called, ‘Hexside Pride,’ Luz responded, spreading out her hands with those last words. Her hands dropped to her sides as she added, “But sports aren’t as important as you, Eda.” 

Eda flopped back onto the couch while wrinkling her nose. “Gross, saccharine sentimentality. Go have fun at sport before I kick you out.” 

Crossing her arms, Luz stood rooted. “Puh-lease, you can hardly stan-” 

“Art!” 

Springing from the staff, Artyael in full form pushed Luz towards the door. Her shoes slid across the floor unable to stop him, and she leaned against his hands as if that would help. “Fine, Eda, I’m going!” Luz called in the doorway. “But you’ll be in my thoughts and prayers!” 

She heard Eda groan as the door shut behind her. That got a smidge of a smirk out of her before she hurried to escape an inevitably long and dull conversation with Hooty. Eda would be fine so long as she had Art by her side. 

As she tried her best to put the suffering Eda out of her mind, her short walk to school was peppered with cheers. “Hexside is going to wreck your side,” Luz tested before shaking her head. “Huh, no. Hexside is the best side in the west side. Definitely no.” 

Finding good rhymes for the oddly named Hexside proved harder than she thought. She hadn’t found a good chant by the time she could see the front steps of the school. At their base was a dozen students. Gus and Willow were among them, bedecked in Hexside’s signature blue and gold school colors. 

“Ah! Friends.” 

Gus waved his flags as Willow hugged Luz. Pulling away, Luz said, “Happy game day, fellow, uh… Are we Hexidians? Hexies? Hexoleos?” 

“Actually, most people call us winners,” Willow replied while clenching her fist. 

Luz held back a giggle looking at Willow’s overly serious expression. Gus jumped in, “Crusade bouts are the best. The players go through these action-packed plays. And the audience gets to wave flags. Look, I practiced.” 

He waved his flags in intricate circles. Luz humored him, applauding when he was done. As he bowed, Luz looked around at the other kids. They were all wearing something with the school’s name or colors on it; some had even painted their faces. “Is it weird that I’m not wearing anything for Hexside?” 

Tipping the brim of her cap back, Willow squinted at her. “Um, it’s weirder that you’re wearing Glandus colors.” 

A kid brushed past her. “Get ready to be creamed, Glandus nerd.” 

“Hey!” Luz snapped indignantly. “I’m a Hexside nerd. Dios, got to change out of this shirt. Where can I get a Hexside one?” 

“Ooh, check the lost-and-found in the cafeteria,” Gus offered. 

“Ah, where mouthguards go to retire.” 

Luz hurried up the steps. Returning in a Hexside Hellion sweater, pom-poms, and a pleated skirt, she found that the crowd had mostly disappeared. She skipped down the steps to ask, “Uh, where is everyone?” 

Only her friends were still there. Off to the side, Luz saw the school bus driving away. “Oh, no! come back!” she shouted, waving a pom-pom at the bus. 

It kept rolling on. She turned to her friends. “Why didn’t you guys board the bus?” 

“We weren’t going to leave you behind,” Willow said. 

“Tempted to,” Gus commented, his eyes on the bus as it turned a corner. 

Luz huffed, casting aside the pom-poms. “Can we walk to Glandus?” 

Willow shook her head, gesturing to a mountain in the distance. “We’d never make it in time. Glandus is all the way on top of there.” 

“Typical Glandus,” Luz said with a scoff. Turning to Gus, she asked, “Well, can’t you use that dove miracle thing to get us there, Gus?” 

She flapped her hands like wings as he responded, “That’s not how it works. It only gets people out of trouble.” 

“Are we not in trouble?” Willow said, which got a look from Gus. 

Options, options. There had to be a way out of their predicament. They could catch a regular bus or call a taxi. Both would take time and money. Luz grumbled. It would be so much easier to skip over it all. Or fly. 

“Hey, I have an idea,” Luz said, smiling. “I can borrow Artyael.” 

Willow didn’t know the name but recognized the suffix. “An angel? How would that-” 

Luz ran. “No time! Don’t want to miss the game!” 

*****

King had finished his intricate plan after minutes of deliberation, but when one was working with brilliance, he didn’t need much time. Unfortunately, it required a few obscure items and an extra set of hands, so he scurried upstairs to enlist Eda in his schemes.

“Eda!” he shouted, bursting into her room.

His eyes were fixed on his piece de resistance. “Great news. I thought of the perfect way to get revenge on that usurper. Now, don’t be put off by the complicated premise. I’ll break it down for you. Huh?”

Looking up, he was confronted by a hulking feathered beast. Eda. She growled and bared her teeth before stalking closer. “Owl beast!” he shrieked, cowering behind his paper. “Stay back!”

Eda stopped, her rumblings dying down in her throat. Peeking over his sheet, he was shocked to see this response. “Did you just listen to me? Uh, come here.”

Eda crawled closer. “Sit.”

Eda complied. “Oh ho, this is an interesting development,” he commented while tapping his chin. “You’re only partially transformed, so you aren’t a completely mindless beast, huh?”

Eda snarled at the suggestion that she’s mindless. “Sorry,” he replied before rubbing his hands together. “Heh, I think this will do nicely. Forget fire. I’ve got a greater force to unleash. You! You’re going to help me regain my throne.”

He paused to glance at Eda. “I mean, if that’s okay with you. Right?”

She made a noise half between a yip and a purr. It was oddly positive. “I’ll take that weird noise as a yes. I’m just going to grab a little bottle of elixir in case you go rogue.”

Scrambling around the room, he grabbed a bag, a spare elixir, and a few other backup supplies in case he decided that fire would be a fun bit of overkill. And some snacks for the both of them. “Now. To destiny’s battlefield. The playground!”

A voice echoed in the hall, slightly out of breath. “King, are you home?”

It was Luz. “What?” King said, looking to the shut door.

Turning back to Eda, he gestured for her to lay low. “Sit. Stay.”

King slipped out of the room only to be met by Luz. He slammed the door shut as Luz tried to peek her head in. “Is Eda up?”

“Who? Oh. That Eda. No, no. she is out like a light…”

A deep rumble shook the door. “A noisy light,” he added.

“Oh no,” Luz responded, a nervous hand jumping to her mouth. “I wanted to ask if I could borrow Artyael, but I know she needs her rest.”

Searching around, King found Artyael propped against the wall by the door. He snatched it up without a second thought. “Oh, I’m sure it’s fine,” he replied before shoving it into Luz. “It’s fine. Just take it.”

She held Artyael at arm’s length. “I can’t. Not without Eda’s permission.”

Eda made a weird noise followed by a muted thud. King could picture her pouncing on a bug while chittering over the good hunt. “Welp,” he said, putting his hands together. “Sounds like permission to me. Off you go.”

Staring at the staff, Luz grimaced. “I really do owe Gus and Willow one,” Luz said uncertainly. “And it’s just for the afternoon. Eda won’t mind, right?”

King scoffed before reassuring her, “Not our generous, kindhearted Eda.”

With that, Luz clutched Artyael tighter. She met King’s eye. “I’ll be back soon. Then I’ll explain it to her.”

“Sounds like a plan, bye now.”

King pushed her along before returning to Eda’s room. Wiping his sweaty brow, he commented, “Close call.” 

He dismissed any qualms he had while slinging his packed bag on his tiny shoulder. The bag dragged on the ground as he walked up to Eda. “And now revenge. Right, Owl Eda?”

Eda was eating something. It wasn’t a bug like he had thought, but he couldn’t be sure what it was anymore. Maybe an old Bundt tin. The cheap metal screeched as her teeth tore through without any resistance. King chuckled. “I’m feeling confident about this plan.”

He coaxed her out of the bedroom with a bagel, failing to notice the empty elixir bottles strewn across the floor.

*****

“To Glandus High,” Luz declared.

Her friends were waiting in the woods near the Owl House. Winded, they offered no response as Luz sat on the crosier aside from weird looks. “Come on, Artyael can fly us.” 

Luz proved her point by lifting her feet off the ground. They hovered in the air with the rest of her. Willow gasped, a big grin stretching across her face. With a gentle nudge, Luz landed. “Who’s ready to board Air Luz?” 

“Me!” Willow squeaked as Gus addressed his flags, “Boys, prepare to fly.” 

Willow climbed on behind Luz, a worried hand reflexively grabbing onto her sweater. Gus sat with them and held his flags high. Luz gave them a grin. 

“Next stop, Glandus High,” she said, pushing off the ground. 

At the treetops, the mountain in the distance looked more like a smudge on a picturesque landscape than the real thing. Luz huffed, realizing they had a long way to go. Leaning forward, she goaded Art to fly faster. “Let’s go. Step on it, Artyael.” 

They zipped forward, skimming along the trees. Luz’s dangling legs brushed branches, but she didn’t dare go any higher. A fall from this height would already be fatal. For her at least. 

She could fly lower but then she have to contend with weaving through the trees. That would take time. Something they were short on. Patting the crux of the crosier, the little ashen Art, she silently begged him to go faster. As long as her eye was on the trees below, she could handle his breakneck speed.

“Uh Luz?” Willow said before shaking Luz’s shoulder. “Look out!”

Luz reacted before she processed what was happening. A stray building, a lumber mill stood as a steel wall before them. Her impulse to turn saved them from a head on collision, but that only threw them back into the trees. 

Their load lightened as someone was jerked from the staff. While trying to look back, Luz slammed into a branch. She stopped there.

Artyael didn’t.

There was a thwack off in the distance, but Luz paid no heed as she scanned the forest for her friends. Pulling herself up onto the branch, she called, “Is everyone okay?”

Five meters down, Gus waved a flag. His other arm was wrapped around a tree trunk. Willow ran to Luz’s tree, arms spread to catch Luz if she fell. All people accounted for, Luz made the arduous journey down.

She dropped the last few meters, and Willow was there to help her to her feet. Gus appeared with his flags looking worse for wear. Luz rubbed the forming sore spot on her chest. “Sorry about that guys… Where’s the staff?”

Turning around, she searched for the piece of wood amongst the trees. She found dull grey flame instead. “Huh?” 

A wisp circled the staff on the forest floor. Artyael. It changed to a stormy grey as Luz approached before flitting off into the woods. “Artyael, come back!” 

Scooping up the staff, Luz chased after him. “Artyael!” 

With little choice, Willow and Gus followed her. The trio wove around trees, jumped over roots, and shoved branches out of the way. Luz’s eyes were fixed on the glowing light even as it became harder to see.

“Man, mortals can run,” Gus huffed, his flags fluttering limply as he lagged behind the others. “Must be their lungs.” 

Luz skidded to a stop before pointing to a darker section of the forest. “He went through those trees. Come on.” 

She charged in as her friends exchanged a worried look. Above them, the dense branches formed a solid ceiling. The air was stale and stiff, causing goosebumps to prickle along the back of Willow’s neck. “We have to be careful,” she warned while trying to rub them away. “It’s really easy to get lost in this part of the forest.” 

“This is Eda’s angel, Willow,” Luz responded without meeting her eye. “She’ll kill me if we don’t get him back. Now come on.” 

They pressed on, and the forest became greyer. The trees were barren, yet the sun didn’t return. Luz would liken it more to a cave than a forest. The scattering of pale white shards at their feet added to that uneasy atmosphere.  
“Wow,” Willow commented, her eyes staring off somewhere above them. “I keep stepping on a lot of crunchy twigs.” 

“Those are bones, Willow.” 

“Not if I never look down.” 

Stalagmites cropped up among the trees, connected by webbing. Luz prodded the sticky film. “You know, this isn’t any kind of forest I’m used to.” 

“That’s because this isn’t a forest,” Willow said, pointing forward. “It’s a nest.” 

Before them, a latticework of the same material coated trees and rocks. It formed a massive wall. A dead end. In its center was a stone pillar; covered in claw marks, Luz guessed it was a roosting post for a deadly demon.

Her hand jumped to her throat, but she wasn’t wearing her rosary. 

A few figures fluttered into view. Luz smiled at the sight of them, her nerves settling. “Hey, I remember you,” she greeted, stepping closer. “You’re the Bat Queen’s babies.” 

“Wait, the Bat Queen?” Gus asked.

“I think I’d rather take my chances with Eda,” Willow added. 

Luz ignored them, bending down to talk to the babies. “Hey, we’re looking for a little grey wisp, and- There he is.” 

Art was tucked against the stone, his color camouflaging him. The babies bolted as Luz walked up to the pillar. “Artyael, thank God you’re okay,” she said, kneeling. “Come here, buddy. Time to go home.” 

Luz froze at the sound of talons scratching on stone. Looking up, she offered a nervous smile. Bat Queen responded with no such warmth, “Hello, small mortal.”

*****

King rode into the playground on Eda’s back. His cardboard armor jostled with every step, but it did little to deter his cocky grin. Nudging Eda with a foot, he got her to approach the playset.

“Listen carefully,” he called. “You all have two choices. Grovel or-” 

“Monster!” 

The kids abandoned the playground, running away and screaming. After a moment of surprise, King shrugged. “Good enough.” 

He jumped from Eda and walked to the long way to his throne. “Run!” he shouted, reveling in their fear. “Despair!” 

Climbing up the ladder, he wondered if an empty kingdom was one worthy of ruling. Definitely. If it got too boring, he could always expand his domain. With Owl Eda by his side, anything was possible.

King stopped before a crying child, his mortal enemy. It seemed not every kid had the correct fear response. Lucky for this one, he wouldn’t be eaten for freezing instead of fleeing. A little push in the right direction wouldn’t hurt. “Your time has ended. Mine begins.” 

The kid, still crying, escaped via slide. King laughed as he went. “Not so tough now, you spongy hatchlings. I will eat you!” 

The last part was a hollow threat; he had learned that nothing tasted worse than people. But it felt good to menace. Almost as good as bathing in the blood of his enemies, which he was banned from since the sea of stuffing incident.

He planted his flag beside his throne before gazing out at his land. It was majestic. “All who stood in my way are gone. I declare myself despotic ruler of this land. Nothing can stop the almighty-” 

CRONCH.

“Hey, whoa! No eating the throne! Stop that!”

*****

“It’s the…” 

Willow couldn’t finish her sentence, so Luz did, “The Bat Queen. I know. We kind of babysat her kids once. Don’t worry, I got this.” 

Luz gave her another megawatt smile. “Hiya BQ, my you’re looking as perturbing as ever,” she said. “And the kids, heh, they’re growing up so fast, aren’t they?” 

Bat Queen’s expression didn’t change as Luz waited for an answer. Clearing her throat, she resisted the urge to look back at her friends. “So um, Artyael ran away,” she continued, moving closer while gesturing to him. “And I need to get him back. I’m just going to grab him, and we’ll be on our way.” 

One of the queen’s wings lowered, blocking Luz from reaching him. “To be careless with one of the Lord’s creations, it’s very serious. I protect him.” 

Sidestepping the wing, Luz tried to catch Artyael’s eye. “And thank you for that, uh, but he belongs to Eda, the Owl Lady. And you owe her a favor, remember?” 

Bristling, Bat Queen replied, “Owl Lady is careless. Her angel left her sight. Taken by mortal who steals, hurts, frightens…” 

Luz froze. “Huh?” 

As she held out a talon, Artyael zipped up Bat Queen’s form to hover over her shoulder. She pressed her pale cheek against him. “He told me all.” 

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Luz pleaded with him, “Artyael, I never meant to hurt you. Please trust me.” 

He changed from a morose grey to off-white. He vanished as the Bat Queen spread her wings. “Trust must be earned… Through trials!” 

A hand grabbed Luz’s shoulder, and Willow leaned into her eyeline. “Luz, the Bat Queen is well-known for her impossible trials. I’ve never heard of anyone winning against her.” 

“What, really?” Luz responded, looking at her.

Why hadn’t Luz heard about this sooner? Wealthy, winged trial master who lived in a creepy nest in the woods. Sucking in a sigh, Luz suppressed the thought that the day started so simply on a playground. “But I have to get Artyael back,” she said before staring down the Bat Queen. “I accept your challenge.” 

After a pat, Willow’s hand retreated. “And we’ll be right there with you.”

“Let the flags raise you up!” Gus cheered. 

She shared a grin with her friends as Bat Queen growled. “No help,” she declared as a ring of fire surrounded Willow and Gus. “Mortal must prove her worth alone.”

The pair pressed close together with Gus holding his flags up and away from the flames. Luz gulped, turning back to the Bat Queen. Add pyrokinesis to her growing list of traits. 

“First trial!”

With a flap of her wings, Bat Queen sent frail webbing and a haze of dust flying. Coughing, Luz brushed the dirt out of her eyes. When she could see again, she found herself standing in front of a pit. 

At the bottom of it was a pack of lions. “Feed pets.”

Beside Luz, there was a pail of what she’d describe as kibble if kibble was red and moist contained a random eye or two. Yet that was half as bad as the presence of a ladder. She was expected to descend into a den of lions.

“Oh boy,” she grumbled, picking up the pail. “Daniel, eat your heart out- wait, Daniel, I take it back. Don’t let them eat my heart out.”

Climbing down the ladder, she wracked her brain trying to recall how he avoided the grisly death. He was pure or something. Free of sin. “Blameless” if she was remembering the correct wording. She couldn’t say the same about herself but hoped that praying would help.

There were four of them. One with a dark mane and her less hairy companions. They took note of her presence immediately, shouldering each other in attempts to be the closest to the ladder. 

Luz stopped a few rungs from the bottom, hooking her elbow onto a rail. Wincing, she dug a hand into the lukewarm chum. At the sight of food, one lion stood on its hindlegs to reach her.

Lion heads were as big as human torsos, she discovered. If it wanted to, the lion could’ve taken her arm off. 

Instead its sandpaper tongue scraped Luz’s skin as it licked the mincemeat off her hand. Once her hand was mostly clean, it tried to stick its head into the bucket. That roused Luz from her terrified stupor. Pushing the head away, she laughed. “Now, now, I have to feed everyone.”

She emerged from the pit covered in coarse hair, a grin on her face and her hands missing a few layers of skin. 

“Next trial!” Bat Queen shouted. “Get rid of pests!”

Pointing a wing, Bat Queen directed her to look up. Rooted in the webbing were dozens of demons. Spiders marked by the distinct black and yellow pattern of wasps. Even from the great distance, she could tell they were the size of dogs.

A spray bottle appeared in Luz’s hand.

She clutched it tighter as the demons spread their insect wings. They swooped down. Covering her face, she spritzed in their direction. 

The water must’ve been holy because it burned their flesh like acid. A cacophony of screeches rung in her ears before fading away. Peeking between her fingers, she saw that a few left, but the rest were reorganizing for a second attack. 

This time she knew better. Rushing towards the ring of fire, Luz broke a branch off a nearby tree. It easily caught flame. With a torch, the demons were deterred. Its protective aura allowed Luz to go on the offensive, and she chased the spider-wasps around the not-cave, spraying them with holy water. 

After a couple of attempts, most fled to lick their wounds and live to sting another day. Luz returned to Bat Queen, whose jaw was agape. She recovered quickly, holding up a claw. “Next trial!” 

She whistled, summoning her children to her side. Dipping a wing, she made a plastic kiddie pool and a bottle of soap appear. “Wash babies.”

Luz huffed, thinking how this trials were sounding more and more like chores. But if that was what it took to get Artyael to trust her, if this was her due penance, she’d do it all with a smile. 

“Alright, come here kiddos.”

Scooping up a baby, Luz booped his nose. As he tried to bite her finger, she set him in the kiddie pool of water. He lit up like a flare, letting off blinding white light. 

Luz held in a scream as she dumped soap on him. It was gasoline to the already present flames. “More fire?!” 

Hoping to alleviate her distress, Gus cheered, “Go, Luz!” 

“Luz, we’re here if you need us,” Willow added.

Gus propped himself up on Willow’s shoulder to peer over the fire. “Yeah, pour some of that water over here. We can get Eda.” 

Luz shook her head while grabbing another baby to dunk in the water. “No, I was selfish, and I hurt Artyael. I need to do this alone, so he knows I care about him.”

*****

The snacks he had brought were insufficient. He wasn’t sure if any amount would be as Eda proceeded to down an entire swing, slurping up the thin chain links like noodles. 

“No, no! Bad Eda!” 

He swatted her inquisitive claws as they tried to pry free a rung. “Hey! You are my beast, and I control you.” 

Jerking her paw back, Eda glared at him. She snarled, jumping onto the platform. Her rumblings grew louder as she stalked closer. In that moment, King felt very small.

He scrambled backwards only to trip over his bag. He held it in front of him, hoping Eda would eat it first, so he could pull a hasty retreat. “What was I thinking? I’m such a fool. I’m such a-” 

He felt the glass bottle within the bag. “Genius!” 

Digging it out, King waited for her to open gaping maw. It didn’t take long as she lunged closer and roared at him. He chucked it as far down her gullet as he could manage. Heaving, she took an unsteady step backwards. A paw went to her throat, and the gagging persisted.

All it dislodged was the cork stopper on the elixir. King got to his feet with a relieved grin. “Great, now change back to Eda.” 

Nothing happened as Eda continued to paw at her throat in discomfort. Her singular black eye remained glossy and vacant. “Anytime now,” King added, moving away. “Just magically transform…” 

His voice caught her attention. The paw dropped from her throat to the plastic playset floor, gouging it like putty. “Oh, nuts.” 

As Eda pounced, he fell off the edge. The only thing that saved him was a web ladder. That his foot got snagged on. Leaving him upended and dizzy. His bag crashed on the ground a meter below him. 

Eda ended up in the mulch. She struggled to get traction while turning about for a second attack. King yelped. Wriggling, he tried to free his foot. 

They both froze at the sound of a siren. It echoed against the surrounding buildings, so they couldn’t tell where it was coming from. Only where it was heading. Closer. 

The squeal of tires announced their arrival. Followed by the sound of slamming car doors and loud complaining, “Uh, this is so embarrassing.” 

A person strolled into sight wearing a bright orange vest. Across the fabric in bold, black letters was “ANIMAL CONTROL.” Even from upside down, King recognized the face as the leader of the Walpurgis Patrol. His gruff countenance bore a strained smile. “Hey, hey. This job is all we have right now,” he said as others appeared beside him. “So, I want to see happy faces, okay? Let’s roll out.” 

The one closest to him gave a halfhearted smile, but when his back was turned, they stuck out their tongue. Another one nudged the second guy before following their leader. 

Eda turned to them, her hackles rising. The boss was unbothered as he checked the tiny screen of his brick phone. “Matches the description the parents called in,” he declared before putting it away. “Bag it.” 

King renewed his efforts, muttering, “Oh great.” 

Growling, Eda shifted her weight to pounce. The group formed tiny prayer circle, which caused chains to spring from the ground. They ensnared Eda, who promptly tried to buck the chains.

The boss approached her, holding out a hand. “God, grant us dominion over every living creature that moves on the ground.” 

With that, Eda was mollified. Her eyes were wide and terrified, but she couldn’t move a claw against the man’s will. They dragged her limp form away as King dropped into the mulch. “Wow, awesome! Fantastic!”

*****

Brushing ash off her shirt, Luz walked to the Bat Queen’s perch. “Okay, Bat Queen. That’s the last one. I’ve done all your ‘trials.’” 

Bat Queen didn’t acknowledge her, her eyes searching wildly for something. “And I’ve proven my dedication to Artyael,” Luz added, staring at the wisp above Bat Queen’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry for the pain I caused you, Art. I promise to be more careful. Will you come back home with me?” 

She offered her hand. Artyael’s color changed from grey to white. He floated down, shifting from a wisp to a more humanoid form. His fingerless mit reached out, but Bat Queen’s wing prevented him from stepping closer. “No!” she shouted desperately. “More trials. Last trial. You must face me!” 

“What?” 

As Bat Queen spread her wings, an extra two pairs popped out, cloaking her face and feet. She lunged. 

Luz shielded herself with the staff. Talons gripped the thin wood, trying to jerk it from Luz’s hands. Hot wind blustered her face.

A flapping wing struck her. Her hold weakened, and she ducked out of the way for another one. Her cheek didn’t sting from the blow but burned. Squinting, she noticed the wings weren’t feathered.

They were on fire. 

Bat Queen pried the staff from Luz’s hands, tossing it aside. “You will never get him back!” 

Luz ran to retrieve her weapon. It was her only hope. A matchstick against a flaming beast. She wove around the flames encircling her friends, hoping it’d delay the Bat Queen. 

“Luz, get us out,” Willow called as Bat Queen whistled. “We can help. Look out!” 

With high-pitched shrieks, the babies responded to their mother’s rallying call. They charged at Luz over the fire. “I’ll hold ‘em off with my flags,” Gus said, swiping at the babies. 

Distracted, the trio attacked Gus and Willow. Gus tumbled through the fire, unharmed. Yet the babies weren’t finished. They chased him as he shouted, “No! That was a bad plan.” 

Luz grabbed her staff, leveling it at Bat Queen. “I won’t let you imprison, Artyael.” 

She was ready for the next attack, batting away the queen’s claws. She ducked under a wing and backed away from another. Try as she might, she was in a backslide. 

Her next swing missed. A talon punched her chest, knocking her off her feet. She felt all the air vacate her lungs as Bat Queen loomed over her. Wedging the staff between her chest and the Bat Queen, she strained to gasp in her next breath.

Her inhale was followed by coughing. The hacking made Bat Queen hesitate. Tucking her mouth against her shoulder, Luz asked, “Is that ash?”

Stunned, Bat Queen lurched back. Climbing to her feet, Luz doubted her assessment. The whole cave was dusty, and she was covered in ash from all the fires. It couldn’t be what she was thinking of. 

Bat Queen got over her shock, lashing out. Luz sidestepped the wing before hitting the queen’s side, causing more ash to slough off. That was all the confirmation Luz needed. “Bat Queen, are you an angel? A fallen angel?” 

*****

King groaned, laying in the bark. The crunch of footsteps approached him, and he tensed, fearing animal control came back for him. The voice was familiar but lacked the deep baritone of the leader. 

“Your pride has destroyed you,” the child declared. “The throne belongs to me now.” 

Pushing himself to his feet, King felt his pulse thrum in his ears. He glared at his mortal enemy. “Over my dead body,” King replied, stomping. 

A distressed squawk stopped him from saying anymore. Looking around, he knew its source, though he couldn’t see her. The lump of lead in his stomach was a better moral compass than whatever was going through his head. He sighed.

“Fine, I forfeit my reign,” King said before running off the playground. “I’m coming, Eda!” 

On the street, he spotted the caravan stuck at a stop sign. “Yes! Thanks…mm Master.” 

That word came out a bit hesitant. King rarely broached the subject of God, estranged as he was from his Creator, but occasionally a flare of gratitude overcame him. He didn’t have to be, but He was kind. 

King’s footsteps flew over the cobblestone; he scrambled to the barred window, relieved his small frame could slip through the gaps. Then it was him and the beast. “Are you in there, Eda?” 

Owl Eda growled and gnashed her teeth, but she couldn’t move from her tight binds. He kept his distance, looking at his feet. “Eda, I’m sorry. I used you for strength cause I felt weak.”

“But I’m your friend,” he added, stepping closer. 

That prompted more hostility. Eda flopped to her side trying to snag a bite of him. King frowned. “If only there were some way to remind you who I am… Wait a sec. Eda loves my rage squeal. Like this-” 

He worked himself up to a frenzy, and the sound erupted out him, piercing the eardrums of everyone near. Eda stared in wonder for a moment before she snorted. The odd noises became laughter. And the laughter became interspersed with words, “So tiny. So angry.” 

With a sudden rush, the beast form retreated leaving a dazed Eda. “Eda, you’re back,” King said, rushing to hug her. 

Her arms slowly wrapped around him, holding him close. “What happened?” 

King pulled away to look at her sentimentally beautiful old person face. Her eyes were gaining clarity as she ran a hand through her messy hair. “Okay, so I went to your room and you were the beast,” he explained before his eyes widened. His subsequent lie wasn’t smooth. “And then- and then I woke up here before magically fixing you. You’re welcome.” 

“Uh-huh,” she responded, patting his head between his horns. “I’ll deal with you later. But for now, you want to bounce?” 

Hopping up, King said, “Yes, please.” 

He helped tug her to her feet before hiding behind her. With a prayer, she sent the back door flying. Holding King in the crook of her arm, she jumped from the back of the wagon. 

The door being blown off drew some attention. The leader slid from the driver’s seat and hurried to the tail end. “Ah! Where’d it go?” 

He looked around before settling on Eda walking away. “Hey, have you seen a monster that kind of looks like you? Hello?!” 

*****

“You’re a fallen angel, aren’t you?” Luz pressed, lowering her staff. “That’d explain the wings, the light, the obscene amount of eyes-” 

“Yes, I was once a mighty seraphim, an attendant to God, in his innermost sphere.” 

She sighed, turning away from Luz to fly back to her perch. Luz followed. In the background, the scuffle between her friends and the babies continued with much shouting and crying.

Bat Queen wrapped her wings around herself. The extras vanished as she seemed to revert back to her humbler form. “But then I fell. I was abandoned by my keeper, my Creator.” 

Kneeling, Luz glanced at Art. “So that’s why you’re so protective of Artyael.” 

“I protect… all.” 

The barren trees around them lit up with hundreds of tiny flames. They glowed a variety of colors, and few took on humanoid forms, sitting on the branches. Luz’s head panned around to look at all of them. They were just like Bat Queen- dim, pale, ashen. 

“I made home in forest. I’m here to take the lost. The forgotten. The failures.” 

“I understand,” Luz said with a tentative smile. “But Artyael is none of those things. He still has a task to fulfill, and someone at home who loves him very much. Please, he has a place.” 

Bat Queen lowered a wing, pointing to the ground. “This is his place.” 

Clenching her fists at her sides, Luz replied, “That’s not your decision to make.” 

“I won’t let him go.” 

The air around her wavered with excess heat. As she hunched to leap off her stone, Artyael intervened. His humanoid form was dwarfed by Bat Queen, yet he stood firm between her and Luz. Wind rustled through the trees, and the queen’s expression dropped. “You… you care for her.” 

He nodded, getting a smile from Luz. Bat Queen stared him down as if waiting for him to change his mind. Looking away, she sighed. “Very well. Go.” 

Flashing bright yellow, Art bolted to Luz. He swirled around her before settling on his staff. He twinkled like a star as Luz hugged him close.

”And take your friends.” 

She whistled, calling her babies away from Willow and Gus. The pair rushed to Luz’s side, covered in grey flakes. Willow clung to Luz’s shoulder. “I don’t think I’ll ever be clean again,” Gus said before shaking ash out of his hair.

Sliding out from Willow’s hand, Luz moved closer to the queen. She held her staff tighter as she plucked up the courage to ask, “Bat Queen, do you know how you fell?” 

She shrugged, unable to meet Luz’s eye. “It has been thousands of years. I’ve forgotten.” 

Pursing her lips, Luz stepped close enough to touch her. “If you ever want to search for the truth,” she prefaced, putting a hand on her claw. “I’ll help you.” 

A rare smile crossed the queen’s face. “Thank you.” 

Backing away, Luz returned the grin. It was the best she could do for now. Sweeping up her babies in her wings, Bat Queen took off for deeper portions of the cave. Luz watched her go, offering a tiny wave.

Her friends appeared beside her with Willow checking Luz over for injuries. “I can’t believe you took on the Bat Queen.” 

“And we’re not dead,” Gus added, twirling his charred flags.

Luz caressed her staff, facing her friends. “Thank you for helping me get Artyael back,” she said before feeling a flutter of guilt. “I’m sorry we missed the game.” 

Willow shrugged as Gus replied, “Are you kidding? That was better than any battle. There were action-packed plays, I got to do my flag wave, and I’m slightly traumatized. Hooray!” 

Breathing out slowly, Luz reassured herself it was okay. They were all okay. For the moment. They still needed to get out of the woods. “Let’s get this little guy home.”

*****

“And now you’re a part of the boo-boo buddy club.” 

Sitting up on the couch, Luz placed a bandage where she assumed his forehead was; it matched the half-dozen others that hid the scratches on the staff and the one on Luz’s cheek.

The little bandage covered in owls sunk into his warm essence before burning up, but the kind gesture remained. He glowed yellow as he placed a hand over his nonexistent heart. That was probably the closest he could get to a smile or thank-you. 

The front door swung open, startling Luz. Up until this moment, she assumed Eda was sleeping upstairs, but here she was walking in the door alongside King. Both looked haggard. Eda suppressed a yawn, asking, “Art, why are you up and about?” 

As a wisp, Artyael flitted over to Eda’s shoulder. Wind whistled around him in a joyful but meaningless tune. Yet Eda reacted as if he had spoken. “Luz took you to get ice cream? Aw,” she said before dropping the sweet tone. “What a horrible lie.” 

Eda groaned, rubbing her forehead. “Well, lucky for you both, I don’t care right now. I’m going to take a nap.” 

Luz was dead quiet as Eda tromped to the staircase. Artyael flew back to Luz’s side. Tapping his hands together, King looked shiftily at Eda’s retreating form and Luz. “I’ll, uh, be at the playground,” he declared before spinning around and running out the door. 

Holding in a snicker, Luz turned to Artyael. “We’ll keep this one to ourselves, shall we?” she said, petting his lukewarm flames. 

Artyael burbled like a spring, and Luz chuckled. She still hadn’t figured him out, but she realized that she wanted to. He was his own person after all. Luz wondered why Eda ever treated her staff so poorly.

Upstairs, Eda shuffled across her bedroom floor but resisted falling into her bed. Looking around the room, she let out a sigh. Her throat felt tight as she picked up an empty bottle. “The elixir… it isn’t working on the curse anymore. This is bad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's been a while. And it'll be a while because I don't plan on updating this until the first season ends. I just want to know the trajectory of the show before I write more here. But expect some original works for this AU soon. They'll be posted as one-shots to avoid confusion. Thanks for reading!  
> -Mar

**Author's Note:**

> Don't expect an update any time soon. I plan on outlining all the chapters (episodes) before writing them (just finished the second one). Plus, that will give me the chance to incorporate feedback or critique on the worldbuilding.


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